hard time dealing with the nurse who is orienting me

Crux1024 · Oct 24, 2011

She is underminding me in so many ways i do not know where to begin

Begin @ the beginning. What is she doing to undermine you? Do you feel like you'd be able to go to management and ask for a new preceptor, or able to question your preceptor (in a "nice" manner) to see why she is doing the things she is?

Congrats on getting back into the workforce though. It can be hard, I wish you the best of luck.

bsyrn, ASN, RN · Oct 24, 2011

Congrats on getting back into the world of nursing. If talking to her or your nurse manager doesn't change things, do the best you can because orientaion doesn't last for ever. Soon you will be on your own to do things your way. Good luck.

dudette10, MSN, RN · Oct 24, 2011

If you are both experienced, could it be that you're butting heads on differences in nursing judgement/technique? If so, aren't you both right/both wrong?

NewTexasRN · Oct 24, 2011

I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. I would encourage you to speak to the manager. It really does help. This is your job. No one has a right to do this to you.

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN · Oct 24, 2011

I think we need more info.

By extended care is that LTC or assisted living?

Have you approched the nurse precepting you? maybe she feels threatened by you?

42pines · Oct 24, 2011

I feel your pain--and I am not being cynical.

When I became an adult ICU nurse I had the most wonderful preceptor. Sadly, after I had finished all training I was relegated to a preceptor who was, well let me explain by what an experienced nurse on the floor said:

"Oh, you're working with Liz?" I said: "Yes." He said: "How long have you worked with her?" I laughed and said: "about an hour." His response was telling when he said: "Has she made you cry yet?"

Her idea of preceptor-ship was to sit and read romantic novels and work me so hard that I was happy to be a male (I didn't have to take the time to sit to relieve myself in the bathroom). She was passive-aggressive abusive, and she had the reputation on the floor, some referred to her behind her back by the name "Lizard." Sadly, in my estimation, she was also the most knowledgeable ICU nurse I have ever met.

To make it short, after one particular grueling night which included an abusive verbal tirade to my friend and nurse to the right of my two rooms, I limped home and felt strange. I took my BP, it was 210/110. The next day I gave notice. I loved the job too, but death is too high a price to pay so I quit. In fairness there was more to it, the worst was reversing night/day rotations, so it may not have just been her. My job went from tough but fun (with the former preceptor) to a nightmare.

Lateral violence is a huge problem in Nursing. I recommend that every nurse, male or female read the book: "Odd Girl Out," which helps one understand lateral violence. In your case I'd guess this is actually what you are dealing with--a passive/aggressive abuser.

It is an extremely difficult place to be. Most places do not understand lateral violence, and most do not have effective tools to deal with them.

If you complain you may get a passive-aggressive "Oh but I only try to be helpful--it's not me" response, and usually passive aggressive nurses come with a few friends who will back that up.

You have several options:

Read up on lateral violence (Odd Girl Out is a good start) and define if you think that is the problem. In short rule out the possibility that the problem is coming from you. Once you have defined that in fact she is being abusive (if you do) then consider going to the Director of Nursing and discussing it. But this approach may backfire and put you in a worse place.

That leaves you with two possibilities: 1) Suck it up and suffer though it. 2) Find another job.

I used the above process many years ago, and chose #2, and have never regretted it, and btw my blood pressure returned to 118/68 rather quickly.

Good luck--I think you need it.

dream'n, BSN, RN · Oct 24, 2011

Lateral violence is a huge problem in Nursing. I recommend that every nurse, male or female read the book: "Odd Girl Out," which helps one understand lateral violence.

Excellent post and excellent book. I picked up a copy about a year ago on a recommendation. The book is not oriented to nursing, but female bullying in general. It was one of the most enlightening books I have ever read and I'm a bookworm. I particularly recommend it to all mothers with daughters. It will come in handy with understanding your child's relationships with their peers.

Simply Complicated · Oct 24, 2011

It's hard to say without more information. Have you attempted to talk to the nurse? Maybe arrange a sitdown with the two of you, and a manager? Label it that you feel you have different learning styles, and you want to find a way to work better together.

Kashia, ASN, LVN · Oct 25, 2011

I have been a registered nurse for 13 yrs, I have mostly worked in acute care. I climbed the so called ladder of sucess. My last job was a supervisory job in extended care. Unfortunitly was in a bad car accident, which left me disabled for 3yrs. I have just got a job as a registered nurse in extended care. I am having a hard time dealing with the nurse who is orienting me. I do not know how to handle the situation and could use some addvice. She is underminding me in so many ways i do not know where to begin

I also took a break from nursing for 2 yrs, came back 2010.

I said to myself something has changed in nursing....!!!

So having been back for awhile this is my thoughts on your situation.

This nurse is orienting you to the new world of nursing.....its not the procedures, it not skills, assessments ......

oh, this girl is showing you, teaching you, by example, what the world of nursing has become by being that.

and likely, if you go to someone and expect different, sometimes you will find the same only with a higher position.

sorry to be in the negative but understand I am not being negative, I am recounting my experiences the

last two years.

And I am happy to hear you are well and able to be back. Who knows -maybe this little experience with the orientating

nurse will be a part of guiding you to a different aspect of nursing.

caliotter3 · Oct 25, 2011

If she truly has something against you or has just decided she doesn't like you, chances are high that her negative behavior toward you won't change once you get off orientation. You have to decide whether or not you are going to allow her to run you off your job and act accordingly. Management could very well be cognizant of her negativity and passively condone it, so you may not get help there. Look for the positive aspects of your job and concentrate on them. Or, start looking for a new job now. Best wishes.

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Oct 25, 2011

I think we need more info.
By extended care is that LTC or assisted living?
Have you approched the nurse precepting you? maybe she feels threatened by you?

ECF is generally comprised of the "lifers" in LTC. They're not there for rehab- they're "home". :)