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Discussion

Harassment?

Earlier this year, when I was new at my workplace, a nurse I work with sent me text messages, on the company cell phone, suggesting we hang out. Multiple times, he texted, "We'll have a good time...No one will ever know. . . Secret, secret." I did not go out with him, and now he is in a management position and required to do "rounds" with staff. I told his boss that I will not be rounding with him anywhere. Of course, she asked why, so I told her. She said she would have to tell her boss. Right now, I don't know if HR will be informed.

I regret not handling the situation differently when it happened. My advice, deal will this kind of stuff early on.

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    Hmm! "Secret" texts on a company cell? I wouldn't think so.

    Best to air the situation, and better late than never, B52.

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    Asking someone out in and of itself is not harassment.  Did you ever tell him no or did you just ignore it?  Asking several times without you actually saying no is also not harassment.  If you said no and then it continues, it becomes harassment.  It sounds like from this he stopped asking you so where is the harassment?  Just because he is now in management does not mean he did anything wrong.

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    Yeah, maybe dumb behavior but I don't exactly understand the nature of the problem. Did something more happen?

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    I don’t really see the problem with someone just asking you out (he was not management at that time). And, even if nothing was said when the text first happened why didn’t you just speak to this person 1:1 now. I would have not involved anyone else at this point bc you probably could have just cleared the air with him and not involved his boss and HR. Everything does not need to be dramatized! 

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    I don't think professional phones should be used to ask someone out.

    If it's your job requirement to do the rounds with management and it's done with the other nurses and is public perhaps you should fulfill the job requirement that is required of everyone.  If as a manager he's exhibited unprofessional behavior and harassment that's another thing.  

    Hopefully this person is a professional and got the message loud and clear that you're not interested.  Did this person persist after you rejected them?

     

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    The “secret-secret” part gives me hinky vibes. Creepy. I’m glad you didn’t go out with him. And if he wanted to go out with you, why didn’t he ask you in person? Using the work phone? Weird guy with weird boundaries.

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    It’s unprofessional to use a company phone to contact a co worker for engagement in a personal relationship. Many workplaces have rules against this sort of thing.

    As a woman, I would be uncomfortable with a male co worker asking me out at my job. 
    I wouldn’t say it’s harassment, but I definitely say it crosses boundaries. How did someone so careless about workplace etiquette become a manager ?

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    Couldn't you have just said you do not 'go out' with coworkers? 

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