Handling the "R" word

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How assertive are you all about approaching people who use the "r" word? I have a co-worker who is aggressive about it to the point where she nearly got into a fight with a young woman at Target who was going through the housewares aisles calling just about everything other item retarded. I don't bother with those people, because face it, they're clueless and they're going to stay clueless. Years ago, I became incensed with my own husband for using the term retard (our son has autism and learning difficulties, although we have been told repeatedly over the years that the IQ tests that qualify him for an intellectual disability diagnosis can't really be relied on because of some of the issues the autism creates around testing. I suspect this is the case with many of our kids who qualify for the intellectual disability diagnosis- I have met so many people with autism performing above what would be expected relative to their measured IQ). Those reactions- not bothering with the stranger at Target and being appalled by my husband's remarks are probably pretty common. (Oh, and I just want to clarify that my husband didn't call our son a retard. Reading that sentence back, I thought maybe that could be unclear).

I wonder, too, if others find themselves thinking less of people due to their indiscriminate use of the "r" word. I don't hesitate to speak up if I think the person who uses the term should know better. That includes nurses and other healthcare professionals and anyone who is employed in the education system. I don't care if you're the janitor, you should refer to the students with respectful language and the building principal should include that in all first day on the job behavior expectation talks. What I'll do most often, though, is just repeat what the other person has said, replacing the offensive word with something more respectful. How do you all handle it?

I am young so I'll give a young person's opinion. I was bullied in middle school and constantly called "retarded" among other things. I was very smart, but it was just a word people used. I feel like my generation uses the word as something completely different than meaning anything about the mentally disabled. I do feel bad when I start to say that myself. Its really an emotional reaction and the word means something COMPLETELY different than the original use. Honestly, words are very subjective, especially when they are used to insult someone or something. In fact, just to be fair, instead of calling things "gay" (which I used to do), I started calling things lesbian in substitution to gay. Not to be offensive to anyone, just to acknowledge the desensitization of words like these.

My point is that words are only subjective as to how they are used. To make fun of someone and say they are retarded is absolutely wrong. But for the word to slip out sometimes just talking about objects or activities, its not a crime, its just the way we speak. I understand that if you know someone who is MR then all of this can be very offensive, but its never directed at you or anyone else. Its colloquial, and unfortunate. Its unfortunate now because people are starting to bully others and calling them mentally disabled. It will keep going, and we'll continue to make new names for those who are truly affected by MR.

Specializes in DD, Mental Health, Geriatric.
How assertive are you all about approaching people who use the "r" word? I have a co-worker who is aggressive about it to the point where she nearly got into a fight with a young woman at Target who was going through the housewares aisles calling just about everything other item retarded. I don't bother with those people, because face it, they're clueless and they're going to stay clueless. Years ago, I became incensed with my own husband for using the term retard (our son has autism and learning difficulties, although we have been told repeatedly over the years that the IQ tests that qualify him for an intellectual disability diagnosis can't really be relied on because of some of the issues the autism creates around testing. I suspect this is the case with many of our kids who qualify for the intellectual disability diagnosis- I have met so many people with autism performing above what would be expected relative to their measured IQ). Those reactions- not bothering with the stranger at Target and being appalled by my husband's remarks are probably pretty common. (Oh, and I just want to clarify that my husband didn't call our son a retard. Reading that sentence back, I thought maybe that could be unclear).

I wonder, too, if others find themselves thinking less of people due to their indiscriminate use of the "r" word. I don't hesitate to speak up if I think the person who uses the term should know better. That includes nurses and other healthcare professionals and anyone who is employed in the education system. I don't care if you're the janitor, you should refer to the students with respectful language and the building principal should include that in all first day on the job behavior expectation talks. What I'll do most often, though, is just repeat what the other person has said, replacing the offensive word with something more respectful. How do you all handle it?

The "R" word is used in the care plans of the residents I care for at an AFH.

If it's describing a condition a person has, I have less of a problem than if it's used to describe their intelligence or an action. I just try to think of what it would feel like if someone said "That's so diabetic" or "She's diabetic!" to mean "That's stupid!" or "She's stupid." If someone says, "Oh, she's diabetic," I usually don't get offended, because it's describing the fact that I have diabetes.

I guess, though, unless we as a society change to be less hurtful to each other, using the r-word and other such language will be hurtful to some.

Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy.

Using the term retard (about a person) is a lot more pejorative than using the term "retarded" about an inanimate object.

We gotta pick our battles in life, and someone using the term retarded to describe a printer that won't turn on isn't one of them, for me.

People first language is best: a boy with autism, a girl with downs syndrome. Etc....

Your disability is not you identity.

Mental retardation is a medical diagnosis. It would be said like this: a boy with mental retardation.

I typically do not confront people about it unless they're being extremely over-the-top with their use of it. I let my friends and family know that I don't like the word and would prefer it not be used in my presence, but I've found worrying about the word specifically to sometimes be counterproductive. That is, people will get defensive about being corrected and not do what you ultimately want them to do, which is learn the appropriate ways to interact with and speak to and about someone with a disability. I find that when they learn this, the R word invariably disappears of its own accord without my correcting them.

My issue is not with people who use the word to describe a person with mental retardation. My issue is when people use the word to mean "stupid" or as an insult. I for the life of me cannot get used to saying intellectually disabled. I have 2 children with autism and have many friends with children with differing levels of developmental disabilities. I don't mean it insultingly, but simply as a definition.

I have no qualms about correcting anyone who uses the word "retarded" or "retard" in an inappropriate manner.

Well, i have higher functioning autism but have a normal IQ.

I do not think i would be considered mentally retarded,but as someone sees autism on my medical records its automatically assumed i am the "r" word.

Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
Well i have higher functioning autism but have a normal IQ. I do not think i would be considered mentally retarded,but as someone sees autism on my medical records its automatically assumed i am the "r" word.[/quote']

Wow! Anyone who thinks that people with autism are retarded is ******! Yeah, I know I can't say it, but I do think, as forest gump said, "stupid is as stupid does" and a person who thinks that about people with autism has proven themselves.

We have been used to shooting our mouthes without regard for so many years and now we have to learn how to talk again.

I think language changes too over time. Most of the younger generation now has rarely if ever heard people referred to as having mental retardation as that word is less frequently used. So the slang use of 'retard' to mean ridiculous or foolish or stupid - for many is not actually connected in their mind to someone with an intellectual disability. It is just a slang term. It is the same with how now insane, idiotic and crazy have just become part of slang language. Those are all pejorative words to describe people with mental illness but most people who use them aren't deliberately making fun of people with mental illness, they just use it as slang. In the past idiot or insane was always in reference to someone with mental illness - but we have over time disconnected the two and the same thing is happening in time with saying an object or event is retarded.

This is a double edged sword for me. I worked with individuals with disabilities for 5 years. I have conditioned myself to never use that word, but before that job (I started there when I was 18), I was young, dumb and didn't know any better so I used the word frequently.

I do cringe when I hear people call something "retarded" but most often don't correct them. If I hear someone referring to a person with a disability as "retarded", I do get very offended and correct them immediately.

For me, it's not so bad when it's used in reference to anything other than a person...but I still don't like it.

Now...when mentally retarded is used, I understand that not everyone has experience with working with the population, so I get that they think there is nothing wrong. When simply "MR" is said, for some odd reason I truly don't have a problem with it. But if a nurse giving me report were to tell me about "the retarded guy" i'd correct her immediately.

Ps...little fun fact, my consumers at that old job rallied and got the state governor to sign on abolishing the "R" word from basically all paperwork and the medical dx changed to developmental disability. :)

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