Gripes Galore...Need ADVICE!!

leenak · May 7, 2011

Well I actually read all of that and as an older student who has degrees in another field, I'll give you what advice I may. And I should say I hope to get many more degrees :)

First of all, yor degrees in other fields don't really matter in terms of the degree you are pursuing now. Unless you won the Nobel peace prize, not sure why you would think a piece of paper would deserve respect. You, like the rest of your class, were able to get into nursing school which doesn't seem like a trivial task. So, you are on the same playing field as the rest of your class. Now having said that, I think if you are totally ignored by your teacher, I can understand your frustration. The thing is if you are getting good grades and not receiving negative comments then it may just be a personality conflict. If you approach her, I'm not sure it will change anything. I would say just keep doing what you are doing. Try your best to rise above whatever rudeness you perceive and do your best to avoid responding back negatively.

I would also remind you that your fellow students are your peers and there will always people sthat goof around as well as those that study. Align yourself with those that study and try to get to know them. You don't have to be best friends but I'd encourage some level of friendliness. I only say this because I know being an older student is difficult but this is something that has helped me thus far. You may already be doing this but I know for us older students it may take more effort to fully interact with fellow students especially if they are much younger than us.

bsyrn, ASN, RN · May 7, 2011

Accomplishments and degrees are great but don't = respect. As far as I am concerned you need to earn the respect of your instructors and classmates. Don't get caught up in nonsense and gossipy behavior, concentrate on what you are doing now. You say you're not the prima donna type... then stop acting like one. BTW I am pretty sure your instructors are not intimidated by your educational status...

Double-Helix, BSN, RN · May 7, 2011

What type of respect are you looking for? You said that you feel your past degrees entitle you to some level of respect- what kind particularly? Do you want to be called on more in class? Complimented more? Treated differently somehow? It might help you to identify exactly what type of recognition you feel you need.

I highly, highly doubt that each instructor you have bothered to look at your CV, resume, or admission application. They are teaching as though all the students know the same amount about nursing, which seems accurate, since your degrees are in other fields. I don't think you're the only second-degree student either.

Certain things make some students get more attention and apparent preference. A couple of those things are personality and charism (another could be looks), which this male student seems to have.

You're only in the first year of the program and your instructors haven't had much time to get to know you. There were instructors I disliked my first year that are close friends now. My advice would be to always have a positive attitude, do your best work, as questions when you need to- regardless of the response- and find some friends in the program who will support you. If you want to approach the instructor- it's your choice, but I don't think it will get you anywhere. The instructor will probably feel you are being critical and asking for special treatment.

In many areas of nursing you might not feel respected- by patients, families, doctors, co-workers, etc. You can't gain their respect by confronting them all and explaining your qualifications. It's best to learn to be secure in who you are now- respect yourself and the opinion of others matters much less.

anon695 · May 7, 2011

Respect is earned in nursing. Former degrees are worth pretty much nothing in nursing school besides having transfer credits. Study hard, come prepared to clinical and work hard, and follow the rules. Then you might start feeling some respect being given to you towards the end of the program. Most importantly, drop the sense of entitlement and aura of superiority - people probably pick up on that and it's negatively affecting the way they react to you, both instructors and students.

nicubee · May 7, 2011

I, too, am an older BSN student with 2 previous degrees. The last degree I completed was in an allied health profession. I currently work in an acute unit alongside nurses, earning a much higher salary. I won't begin my first nursing course until June, but working with these nurses has introduced me to the kind of social structure I will encounter in school.

In my unit there are definite social cliques: the 30 year veterans who have never been on another unit, the new-comers, the social butterflies, the "popular" group... Sometimes it reminds me of high school! In my current field, practitioners tend to be both respectful and supportive of one another and universally very professional. I have worked in this discipline in multiple settings for 13 years and know that it will be somewhat difficult to adjust to the immaturity of certain colleagues within nursing. In fact, this has been one of my concerns in choosing to expand my skills into nursing.

But also in my unit there are several nurses who are simply respectful and professional and do not easily fit into any stereotypical social group. These nurses are highly knowledgeable, provide great care to their patients, and interact well with their teammates. I realize that they are the inspiration for me continuing my education, and I plan on following their example, both in class and once I am a nurse.

I think the trick is keeping sight of why you selected nursing as your next step in life and remaining true to your personal goals. Avoid getting caught up in any drama, while maintaining that level of professionalism you have already mastered. You will be an example to the students who have yet to reach your level of maturity, and you will stand out as a role-model in the eyes of your instructors. It's not about being given the respect you have earned through your previous accomplishments. It's about using these achievements to stand out as a true professional and model the respect you seek to receive. :)

NeedchangeofPace · May 7, 2011

You have a couple of undergraduate degress and a Masters and you give us a 1028 word mini-dissertation about nursing school and you have only one paragraph?

What happened to sentence structure??

DayDreamin ER CRNP · May 7, 2011

I agree with the above posters.

I just finished my BS degree this week and I am also an older student.

I don't care how many degrees or letters you (a collective 'you') have behind your name, everyone in nursing school is you EQUAL and the only respect you will get is that which you EARN.

Did you ever think that there are many others in your program that have earned previous degrees? When I started my program, I was very shocked by home many students already had degrees in other fields or even in a related field.

Out of 150 that we started with, four of the ones that I know of that haven't progressed with us as a group, already had degrees in a science-related field.

As far as being recognized goes, get used to the fact that you will not be recognized by your instructors in class.

Not trying to be snarky or anything here, but it sounds a bit like you are expecting a lot from your teachers and other students and that you think a lot of yourself. It is ok to be confident but being cocky and arrogant will get you no where fast in NS. Let me give you an example: there is an older guy in my program that always sits in the front of the class and monopolizes the class time, always answers questions w/o giving other students a shot - doesn't raise his hand, etc, asks a million and one questions, many of which have either already been covered or he asks them in such a way that he has to let everyone know just how smart he is and that he read the chapters. It is very clear that he already knows the answers, he is just making SURE everyone knows he is smart. Bottom line, he comes across as a HUGE kiss azz.

Does he get respect from any other student? NO. I can also tell you that in our senior year, even the teachers have wizened up to his b.s. and almost go out of their way to avoid him.

I just re-read your post and it does sound like you are, indeed, a prima donna and that you think a lot of yourself. It is time to get over yourself and realize that everyone is on equal footing. If you continue to think you are better than everyone else and that you deserve more than your fellow students based on those sheets of paper, your NS experience will be miserable. Do yourself a favor act like a student and no a know-it-all. No one likes the know-it-all.

TopSecret · May 7, 2011

Thanks for the advice so far. I do want to clarify that I absolutely do not display any sort of "superior" attitude in class. To reiterate, I am a straight A student in the nursing classes too (very high A's at that), so it's not as though I'm goofing around. I am entitled both morally and legally to at least the same treatment as other students are getting. I should also make clear from a legal standpoint, my attitude is completely irrelevant. For example, even if I decided to display a "superior" attitude, there is nothing illegal about that on my part. It is, however, breaking federal law on their parts to discriminate based on gender, age, and also the sexual harassment of the younger male.

An aside: someone brought up yet another gripe regarding big mouths who "azz lick" and try to impress with calling out answers. That's going on in these classes too, and the people who are doing it are not only getting away with it but the instructors are actually encouraging the big mouths. I am definitely not one of those types - the big mouths absolutely get on my nerves - even more so with these other things occurring too. If anything, I may have been too humble in class. Even in that event, there is nothing illegal about me being too humble in class. Basically, I sit there fairly quietly other than having asked legitimate questions in the first couple of weeks. Now, I simply do not ask questions. That brings up yet another aspect: I'm not getting what I paid for either insofar as instruction is concerned.

Back to othe original point: I'm basically really asking if there is a good way to stop it without resorting to legal action. I'm not really seeking advice regarding how to simply "put up" with it to get through the program. It needs to be curtailed on their parts - period. As I said, these people are flat out breaking federal law regarding age & gender discrimination (and stupid enough to do it while lectures are being recorded) as well as opening themselves up to sexual harassment charges should the younger male ever become annoyed. At this point, I don't want to find myself marching into anyone's office and overtly threatening legal action, yet I will not be subjected to this kind of illegal behavior. The real question is how to curtail it without resorting to lawyers and the like, yet not compromising my own standards by simply "putting up" with it?

2ndyearstudent, CNA · May 7, 2011

So, any advice on how to deal with the situation?

You don't deserve any of the respect you appear to be expecting early in the program. You haven't done a thing. You are the exact equal to a kid outta high school who got into the program same as you. Nursing school is like boot camp in a lot of ways. They break you down and they build you up. Go with it. These judgements you are making, the resentment of instructors, the muttering under your breath need to stop. Immediately.

When I made a decision to change careers to nursing, I knew one of the things I would have to do is leave my "old self" behind. I was no longer a seasoned professional with almost two decades of getting things done in the real world. I was making multi-million dollar decisions before many of my classmates were out of diapers. You know what that is worth in nursing school? Nothing.

I was a complete newbie with a CNA certificate and no experience. On the first day of my first CNA job, I kept my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut. I had a lot to learn before I could make any judgements. This experience is humbling, but it has great returns.

In doing this, I earned respect from my peers and my superiors with my current actions, not my past accomplishments.

When I started Nursing School sometime later, I used the exact same approach. In addition to attacking the material and working hard on all the skills, I focused on being a good resource for my fellow students and the instructors, assisting them with technical issues and acting as a liaison between them and the students. I have talked countless students terrified they weren't going to make it down from ledges.

I ignored all the "Nursing School Drama" and noticed people tended not to bring you into it when they notice you aren't interested. I earned respect and in some cases downright adoration not for who I was before, but for how I conducted myself in the program.

I graduate next Monday. Nursing school was tough, but it was a blast. I made some great friends in the class and among the staff.

You can do this too, consider changing your thinking a bit.

Good luck!

mangopeach · May 7, 2011

How do you know you are being discriminated because of your age? I'm quite sure that they are used to having older students go through the program. Do you feel you are truly being ignored and it could potentially be a problem to your success? Do you have legitimate questions, things that you are unclear about and attempt to clarify and they are ignoring you? If so then I would make an appointment to speak to the instructor and without accusations, address the matter. However, if its just that you want to ask questions or speak up to get recognition, then there is nothing that needs to be said.

DayDreamin ER CRNP · May 7, 2011

Thanks for the advice so far. I do want to clarify that I absolutely do not display any sort of "superior" attitude in class. To reiterate, I am a straight A student in the nursing classes too (very high A's at that), so it's not as though I'm goofing around. I am entitled both morally and legally to at least the same treatment as other students are getting. I should also make clear from a legal standpoint, my attitude is completely irrelevant. For example, even if I decided to display a "superior" attitude, there is nothing illegal about that on my part. It is, however, breaking federal law on their parts to discriminate based on gender, age, and also the sexual harassment of the younger male.
I'm basically really asking if there is a good way to stop it without resorting to legal action. I'm not really seeking advice regarding how to simply "put up" with it to get through the program. It needs to be curtailed on their parts - period. As I said, these people are flat out breaking federal law regarding age & gender discrimination (and stupid enough to do it while lectures are being recorded) as well as opening themselves up to sexual harassment charges should the younger male ever become annoyed. At this point, I don't want to find myself marching into anyone's office and overtly threatening legal action, yet I will not be subjected to this kind of illegal behavior. The real question is how to curtail it without resorting to lawyers and the like, yet not compromising my own standards by simply "putting up" with it?

Ya know, I'm just gonna throw this out there.... Maybe it isn't what you say but how you say things to people and the attitude and 'air' that you exude. Sounds to me like you are LOOKING for ways to be unhappy and not play by their rules.

I you are looking for legal advice, you are barking up the wrong tree. Heck, you are in the wrong dang forest! By the TOU, we cannot give you any legal advice.

You have two choices as I see it. You can either change your attitude and play by their rules or get out. It really is that simple.

I can give you a list of things from my program that really bug the snot out of me but guess what? I kept my nose clean, played by the rules, did what was required of me and now I have a degree. A second degree at that.

If you get all caught up in the negative things about nursing school and you stir the proverbial pot, you WILL be unhappy and miserable and, in turn, the teachers and admin will go out of their way to help you get there.

Again, do yourself a favor and GET OVER YOUR SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT and learn to play nice with others. You are their equal and the ONLY thing you are entitled to is the chair in the classroom and the grade you EARN while sitting there. The sooner you realize that, the better off and happier you will be.