was/is graduation this negative for you too?

[angelwingsamy]

i am going through a problem right now and was wondering if any of you went through it too. (maybe my family is the only bad family out there lol)

im graduating in three SHORT weeks and hoping to become an RN a month later when i (((pass))) the nclex-rn. i have planned a pretty big graduation party and my hubby is making it nice for me. i have pinning, the grad ceremony, and my party all in the same week.

everything was going really nice. everyone in my family was so proud of me, so happy for me, encouraging, da da da..... THEN

today i came home and was trying to iron out a few wrinkles in the party plans. and some family members basically are not happy for me like they once said. they have decided now that they will rain on my parade.

long story short- they are not coming to my graduation, my pinning or my party. (one of them is my own mother and my brother). the rest of the family dont feel this way but for some reason those two are soooooooo not happy for me. they both say that its not really a big deal cuz i have went to school since 2001 and am only about to be an RN not a DOC.

my thing is..... i went to school part time because i was a stay at home mom all that time. i had my second and last kid in 2000. yeah it took this long because i didnt want my kids to be without a mother all that time. i CHOSE the slow path because i wanted to be home. WHY MINIMIZE WHAT I HAVE DONE????

i have worked very hard to be here and its one of the biggest things in my life. im so upset and cant stop crying because my mother is stubborn and will not be there for me. im sure we will make up in a while but not before all those important dates. i cant stand to think that i am going to walk across a stage or get pinned without my mother there supporting me.

this cannot be redone. once your pinned your pinned. im devistated. you see i didnt even graduate high school. i was a teen mom and dropped out. i got my GED and went to a community college and worked very hard to show my kids that its NEVER to late.

did any of you experience a loved one kind of raining on your parade when you were graduating? or is my family just jealous because neither of them graduated high school either. BTW i am the only person on both sides of my family to ever graduate college. its kind of like the pattern is changing now for my family. i hear more and more wanting to go back. and some that start this fall. im so proud of those that are doing the same but it hurts that those that dont want to better themselves want to do this.

((thanks for the HUGE vent))

[preemieRNkate, RN]

My parents divorced about 10 years ago, and they are NOT friendly. My graduation/pinning was more about them showing each other up with their significant others that it was about me. It was embarrassing and pathetic. (And also makes me think that when I marry, I might consider eloping!)

I invited other people that were significant to me to my pinning ceremony and just tried to make the best of it. Afterall, the day was about ME and MY accomplishments. Try not to let anyone take away from your day. That's the only advice I have for you, I'm sorry I don't have anything more offer.

Congratulations!!!

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

There were people in my family that weren't supportive but these are people whose opinion I couldn't care less about. For some members of my family, education and bettering yourself takes a backseat to gambling, drinking and cheating on your spouse. My immediate family was there for me so that helped. There were some people at work that were non supportive too.

You should be so proud of yourself for what you have accomplished-who cares how many years it took. The argument can be made that the achievement means more because it wasn't easily won.

Congrats!!

[husker_rn, RN]

First off....congrats you earned it !!! Try telling your mom how you feel; she may or may not hear you but you will then KNOW you've tried from your end. Families tend to be who they are and not who you wish they were. None of my extended family was there...I grew up in dysfunction junction, but my hubby and kids were and they were the ones behind me all the way. Welcome to nursing...we'll all be there for you in spirit.

[Always Learning, RN]

I AM PROUD OF YOU!:icon_hug:

And you should be proud too.

Jealousy is an evil green monster that rears it's ugly head at times of great accomplishment. Your mom and brother should be ashamed of their behavior.

Oh, and they may need an education on the fact that NURSING is an important job too, Doc's could NOT do their job without us and we are every bit as intelligent as they are! Geez, you can't be dumb and make it in to, much less through nursing school!

I too was the first to graduate in mine and my husbands families. My hubby too planned a huge party, only for my mom to call the day before graduation and say "you won't be upset if your dad goes and plays golf instead of going to your graduation, would you?" :angryfire

My hubby made a couple of phone calls and dad showed up (aggrivated and with a sour look on his face the whole time). My sister did not show up at all, and my brother in law showed up for the free food afterwards. But guess what I realize now -- I am just as pinned, graduated, and licensed witout them as I would have been with them. The people who supported me the most, my hubby and 2 kids, were there and I would rather share the day with the three of them than anyone else.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this at this time, graduation is a stressful time (at least was for me) and the added stress is just not needed. Just know that you don't have the only dysfunctional family out there.

Know that you went to school to improve things for yourself and your family and you are far better off for your efforts.

Congratulations again on your accomplishments!:ancong!:

Always Learning

[llg, PhD, RN]

I've never had the "ideal" graduation of my dreams ... not for high school, BSN, MSN, or my PhD graduation. (In fact, I didn't even go to my own PhD graduation.)

Something always happened to prevent it from being that perfect ideal most of us imagine.

I'll spare you all the gory details, but ... What those 4 disappointments have taught me is not to count on those events so much. Those events are not what's most important. I've learned to take pride in my accomplishments for what they are and not to base my happiness on whether my accomplishments come with a fantasy party or not. I find joy in the work when I can and joy in whatever good friends and fun times happen along the way. But I no longer count so much on one big perfect moment. Too often, that type of fantasy only leads to disappointment.

If you mother doesn't want to come to your party ... don't try to persuade her. She'd only bring the party down. Have fun with the people who care enough about to show up.

[One Shot]

Hey--

I just wanted to say "Congratulations" and to you for your graduation. This day is not about your family, it is about YOU and YOUR accomplishments. May you enjoy it to the fullest!

[november17, ASN, RN]

I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment. I was in the exact opposite boat. You see, everyone else wanted to go to my graduation, etc. I was just so happy that it was over with, I realized that I never wanted to step foot in that particular school ever again. It was bad enough when I HAD to be there, but if I wasn't getting graded on something or paid, I wasn't going to go!! So I skipped the pinning, graduation ceremony, etc.

What did I do that night instead of the pinning? I went to bed early, and slept in late the next day. Best sleep I'd had in 2 years.

I ended up having a little dinner party with my immediate family and closest friends a couple months later and that was that.

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

Congratulations!!!

Just go and ignore the fact that some family members have picked this time to play their "its all about me" card.

My own mother told me numerous times that I should not go to school, that I should stay home with my babies. It wasn't until many years later, when I was divorced, and having that education came in quite handy to support three babies that she acknowledged that it WAS a good thing to go to college in order to obtain a good career..........

Anyway, congrats to you again!!!!! Enjoy this event, with or without them, you are celebrating YOUR accomplishments!!!!:heartbeat

[casi, ASN, RN]

Congratulations! You've accomplished something huge!!

I'm sorry your family isn't being the most supportive. In the end it's their loss. Enjoy your special day without them!

[birdgardner]

I am sorry. Some families just don't like to see anyone value education - they think you are going to think you are better than they are. My m-i-l's mother wouldn't talk to her for months when she went to nursing school.

Focus on the people who are happy for you and the example you are setting for your children. You did good. Congratulations! You have a whole career before you and many paths to explore.

[AprilRNhere]

((hugs)) to you. My mom pulled something similar. Luckily she did come around- but for weeks I was devestated. I couldn't believe she wasn't going to bother going after all my hard work.

Just remember you did it for yourself..and your family/kids.

[angelwingsamy]

THANK YOU ALL for the responses. you have given me alot to think about.

days have went by since all of this started and i honestly dont know if its any easier. i have stopped crying but i am just kind of moping around the house.

im sure i will snap out of it within another few days. i have two weeks left of clinical and two more exams until i graduate. im happy about that. i am also happy that i was offered the number one job of my choice. i start may 19th and that sounds good.

really everything else in my life is going good PERFECT actually. so im sure i will snap out of it soon. i just didnt realize that my family was like this. kinda hard to just wake up one day and feel like this.

again THANKS SO MUCH for the responses.