Graceful way to NOT answer all the personal questions my patients ask me.

Nurses Relations

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Heyo!

I would love some advice from y'all on how to dodge answering all these personal questions my patients ask me! I work in a busy ED and see multiple people a day. It seems like so many patients or visitors ask old I am? am I married? do I have kids? do I want kids? On and on. I've been asked who I VOTED for at least 10 times...(seriously with our political climate that's such a scary question to answer 😳).

I get it, we're building a rapport and in all honesty I'm asking them some pretty dang personal questions too, but I see so many patients and sometimes just don't want to answer/ feel like it's anyones business. I also don't want to come off as nurse robot and say "I don't talk about my personal life with my patients! Bleep bloop bloop" or something because that's really not how I am, I'm just tired of the questions! Ask me questions about your meds, your diagnosis, etc. Not my 20 year life plan.

For the record, I live in a pretty southern town and am happily living with my boyfriend (the shame!), with no kids and no ring so part of my irritation with all the questions is probably the judgement eyes/unsolicited advice I get when I give my answers.

So, how do you guys not answer these type of questions and still make sure your patients like you?

Specializes in Peds, Neuro, Orthopedics.

My co-worker and I joked that we should hand out biographies with the welcome packets all patients get. "Here's the list of TV channels, phone numbers, and my life story is on page 3."

I also was annoyed that I'd have to repeat my life story 4-6X per night, every night. So tiring. Some nights I would make up new stories just because I couldn't deal with it anymore. I'd tell patients I'm engaged, or pregnant, etc. My happy reality of spouse-free and child-free isn't entertaining. Patients just want a distraction, they don't really give a damn, except that one patient who wanted to introduce me to her son... :bag: ... that's when I started making up the married/engaged stories!

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

When I was a student (before they invented the wheel), we were instructed to use this line: "For what reason do you wish this information?". We had the most trouble w/the grandmothers who had grandchildren our ages (mostly 17-20), and the school was trying to teach us to be 'professional'. They also wanted to protect us from young, male patients hitting on us.

Takes a bit of practice to get that phrase to roll off your tongue, but, it does work.

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I always try to change the subject or give a vague answer. Q: "Where do you live", A: "Around here", then ask a question about them

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Specializes in Developmental Disabilites,.

I work in psych, so I give very vague answers or try to change the topic. However, I will say that I have been in the ER as a patient. I was scared out of my mind and I made small talk with my nurses. I think I would have cried if one told me I was being inapporiate. I was desperatly seeking a human conncection in one of the scariest times of my life. Please have a little compassion as long as someone isn't being creepy.

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Specializes in acutecarefloatpool. BSN/RN/CMSRN. i dabble in pedi.

I don't run into this too often - I am pretty open with my patients and don't mind talking about my life story briefly and in general terms. If I happen to run into a patient who asks questions about my religious, political, or sexual preferences, I'll probably just say "Enough about me, what about you? What can I do for you right now?"

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Specializes in PhD in mental health nursing.

This is what I do ......Ask them another question. You could say "thats an interesting question , why are you asking?" If the person replies "I just wondered" or "I'm curious." Your next question could be "Are you always curious?". Then change the subject to the person's health care needs.

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I work in psych, so I give very vague answers or try to change the topic. However, I will say that I have been in the ER as a patient. I was scared out of my mind and I made small talk with my nurses. I think I would have cried if one told me I was being inapporiate. I was desperatly seeking a human conncection in one of the scariest times of my life. Please have a little compassion as long as someone isn't being creepy.

No problem. There is a huge difference between a scary or otherwise emotional situation where words flow off the cuff and a situation where someone wants to play 50 questions until they come up with something to argue about or feel disdain about. ED nurses are pretty adept at knowing which is which.

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I'm a first semester nursing student who has been a patient in the past. Honestly? It almost feels rude not to ask a question about the provider or nurse when they've asked you so many questions.

I like being a polite patient.

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I'm a first semester nursing student who has been a patient in the past. Honestly? It almost feels rude not to ask a question about the provider or nurse when they've asked you so many questions.

I like being a polite patient.

Thank you for this perspective. I can see it, and never realized it before. I think I'll work on ways to acknowledge and get past that.

I'm naturally introverted and find small talk draining after awhile, and intimidating/awkward. I've gotten MUCH better at it as I gain nursing experience but I still feel trapped pretty often. For those who've suggested its rude or not compassionate to duck questions...while most patients don't realize it, even common personal questions ARE invasive, rude and hurtful to some. i think OP is right to seek polite/comfortable responses that protect personal info without being abrupt or unkind.

I am a female in my 30s. I get asked all the time if I have kids. I recently had a wedding fall through. Hence, I am painfully aware that I have zero chance of starting my dream family anytime very soon and that my eggs are older by the minute. If I try to be polite and honestly answer that I have no children, I often hear "so many young people never have children these days...It's a shame" "doesn't your husband want any?" or worst "why not? don't you want any? dont you like children? they're wonderful. It was The best thing I ever did." They are unwelcome, painful reminders that my dreams may never come true. And that I'm weird because of it. I don't believe my patients intend any harm but this and similar questions get old very quickly.

I try to pay attention to coworkers who seem well-liked by patients. Often I hear things I can use! I like the suggestion to subtley remind them that we are AT WORK; that detail has big effects on what is appropriate conversation. I appreciate the people who suggested something like "that's an interesting question, why do you ask about xxxx?" and "I'm so glad you care to ask about me because it tells me I'm doing a good job drawing your blood. I'm almost finished, here's what happens next..."

With all that said, to the OP, if they hit a nerve and you're backed in a corner, I disagree with those who think its rude/inappropriate to say "I don't answer that question at work. How do you feel about it?" They don't mean to ask something uncomfortable but they did and I'm a captive audience, and they'll have to accept that i don't mean any harm in politely declining to answer.

We are there to provide health care. Part of our job is helping them feel comfortable but we should never feel pressured to give personal info we don't want to (or to skip lunch to spend more time with patients, or to provide care without adequate protective attire because it might embarrass the patient, etc) If it's okay to duck questions with psych patients (who arguably need to feel comfortable more than anyone) then it's okay with anybody.

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