Graceful way to NOT answer all the personal questions my patients ask me.

[CoffeeYogaNurse]

Heyo!

I would love some advice from y'all on how to dodge answering all these personal questions my patients ask me! I work in a busy ED and see multiple people a day. It seems like so many patients or visitors ask old I am? am I married? do I have kids? do I want kids? On and on. I've been asked who I VOTED for at least 10 times...(seriously with our political climate that's such a scary question to answer 😳).

I get it, we're building a rapport and in all honesty I'm asking them some pretty dang personal questions too, but I see so many patients and sometimes just don't want to answer/ feel like it's anyones business. I also don't want to come off as nurse robot and say "I don't talk about my personal life with my patients! Bleep bloop bloop" or something because that's really not how I am, I'm just tired of the questions! Ask me questions about your meds, your diagnosis, etc. Not my 20 year life plan.

For the record, I live in a pretty southern town and am happily living with my boyfriend (the shame!), with no kids and no ring so part of my irritation with all the questions is probably the judgement eyes/unsolicited advice I get when I give my answers.

So, how do you guys not answer these type of questions and still make sure your patients like you?

[3ringnursing, BSN]

Most people are aware that these questions are not appropriate to ask a stranger, especially a caregiver in an emergency medical setting - so I think they are either testing to push the envelope in order to see how far they can go before you close off that avenue of discussion, or they are just completely clueless due to a BH issue.

The fact they ask you at all must mean you are pretty easy to talk to, and down to earth enough that they feel comfortable chatting with you in the midst of a scary situation - so kudos to you. Not everyone puts off a "I'm kind" sort of vibe.

One way to deflect is to say something along the lines of, "I'm so flattered you are interested in me, but we are really here to talk about you ... can you tell me why you are here today, or what your primary concerns are that brought you to the ER?".

I've discovered that most people love discussing themselves - so much in fact that this is enough to redirect their inquires into a more productive line of conversation that can actually help them, and get them yakking up a storm about themselves instead.

If it eventually leads back to personal-ville redirect to them again until they are either D/C'd to home, or admitted.

I hope this helps.

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

I did like the suggestion of saying Aww Bless your heart.

You could respond Awww Bless your little heart. And then turn the conversation right back at them by asking a pain scale or something about them.

[CCUNURSE1]

I also live in the south, I don't mind answering that I'm married and have one child (although I never give out their names or my last name). When asked where I live my go to reply is ,"oh, I live locally". I never answer questions about politics or religion. If asked, my reply is..."well there are two things I never discuss with patients or even my own family (smiling), politics and religion." Making sure that I am smiling and using a pleasant voice usually gets me out of any further questioning on those two subjects.

[chris21sn, BSN, RN]

It seems everyone here is from the south haha. I'm from the northeast, and as a floor nurse I try my best to keep rapport -- especially as I work night time -- if I make them happy with some small talk and some snacks they usually sleep restfully. Let's say they ask me a personal question I simply answer it but I don't open a can of worms. "How old are you?" - "23. I'm told I look young for my age." I usually then, divert the conversation then - "so you'll be receiving protonix at 10pm. It decreases stomach acid and helps prevent stomach ulcers." Haha it always works.

[Agatha12]

Patient's questions dont bother me but I dont work in ED seeing hundrends people daily. If I feel unconfortable with some questions, I just say, "lets not talk about me" amd gentle change the topic.

[Accolay]

I use humour and dodge questions like a ninja usually routing the question back to patients and families. Make a joke and ask them the same question. I answer and share when and what I want.

However, I'm a dude and it may be easier than when some patients are asking the ladies things.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

I use humour and dodge questions like a ninja usually routing the question back to patients and families. Make a joke and ask them the same question. I answer and share when and what I want.

However, I'm a dude and it may be easier than when some patients are asking the ladies things.

I'm not a dude and I think this is a great way to answer.

A lot of times patients are trying to distract themselves from their current states, so focusing on the nurse or other healthcare provider can be helpful. To me, refusing to answer doesn't help the patient with anxiety and can prevent a therapeutic relationship. I'm not saying it's the wrong thing to do (not answer) and I do know that a lot of patients are just nosy. But no harm in giving a silly answer or just making something up. Seriously.

[ILUVERNSG, MSN, RN]

Perfect answer, agree 100%. They just want a connection.

I get it that you don't feel like recanting your life plan to everyone who walks through the door. This can be tough to navigate, though, as I think most people are just being genuinely friendly (*especially* down south), or trying to make some kind of human connection in a stressful situation, and you don't want to make people feel like you are shutting them down. The message can easily be interpreted "Your small talk is inappropriate and I'll have none of it" and that's hurtful. It can turn a relatively positive experience into one that someone feels bad about every time they remember it. So, my personal opinion is use a little humor and maybe even a little tongue in cheek self deprecation that they wouldn't want to hear about the boring goings on in your life anyhow (or whatever). My favorite suggestion is the cloak. LOL!! I think using that kind of line and then spring boarding into a topic about the patient or their test coming up, etc., is a perfect way to handle it. To be honest, if I asked someone if they where from the area or had kids or whatever and their answer resembled a lecture about them being a health professional and they were there to talk about me and not themselves, I would be taken back a little, and I am pretty loosey-goosey...You probably should try to figure out a few responses you like, that don't sound too canned, and use those. You'll have to have a few in your pocket so you aren't overheard recanting the same response over and over. People don't like disingenuous sounding nurses either. No one comes to work for a popularity contest, but it's usually a better life when your patients and families like you.

[Serhilda, ADN, RN]

I recall a patient asking me who I voted for and I also live in the south. I said something very similar to my mother raising me to not discuss politics, religion, or money. You can kind of phrase it like a joke too and laugh it off with them. It's worked well for me so far!

[yourshoesareuntied]

Just watch your favorite politician...they will teach all you need to know about diverting and dodging questions. Until you're a master just answer their question with a question of your own. Patient: Who did you vote for..? Nurse: Interesting question, tell me this who did you vote for? Patient tells you, you invent something nice to say about their candidate.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

You're in the South? Then you know all it takes is a " well, bless your heart" and that should take care of it!

Ouch!!! Good one.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

I say "I'm here to talk about you, not me".