Getting in the profession for the wrong reasons? (long, sorry)

[bonjournurse2b]

Hi guys,

I'm mainly posting this because my rather unsupportive family has been giving me a lot of doubt about my decision into getting into nursing. I reflected back on my thoughts, and I'm really, really scared that there's a chance that they're right.

- I knew that I wanted to be in the healthcare field ever since I was a kid. I would always proclaim that I would be a doctor. I didn't know what nurses really did. In my mind (as a doctor), I would spend time with the patient and make sure everything was okay. Of course, not a lot of doctors get to spend time with their patients on a personal level (and I guess, not a lot of nurses do either). My family uses the fact that I said I wanted to be a doctor as a kid as ammo against me, and they accuse me all the time of "lowering my standards" or "not using my potential to the fullest."

- I avoided nursing during my undergrad years because I was frightened by blood, did not want to work the "graveyard shift," and because RNs don't get paid as much as MDs, DDS, PharmDs. I made the mistake of not shadowing a RN, even before enrolling in nursing school.

- Two years ago, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. His type of cancer was very aggressive, and left him immobile and very dependent. I knew my mother and brother were disgusted when they had to clean up after him. No, it wasn't my favorite thing to do, either ... but it was not a big deal to me at all. I figured that there are just some people who cannot handle those kinds of things at all, and some who can just take it for what it is. I felt that nursing could use a person with that characteristic.

- Taking care of my dad was hard emotionally. He had his grouchy moments, and even punched me once. I had my fair share of crying. However, there were the times that he thanked me for taking care of him. That was what made me consider nursing in the first place.

- I completed my undergrad with a 3.2 GPA. My science GPA was close to a 3.0, but my major GPA was around a 3.4. It's not BAD, but I don't think that I would get into medical or dental school with that. I also never really had much of an interest in dentistry and it's VERY competitive to get into in my state. I started off as a pre-med student in college, but realized that I wasn't sure if I could handle being in school for so long, being on call and away from my family, etc. My family pushed me to get into pharmacy because it was the "easiest" to get into out of those 3 professions (at least, in my state). I worked as a tech for 1.5 years and did not like it. It was very monotonous work, and I felt like I needed to do more intervening with the patient's health. So, instead of most likely waiting around for an acceptance to a school (in a profession that I didn't have much interest in, if at all), I decided to enroll in an accelerated BSN program.

- I absolutely LOVE what I'm learning in school. Clinicals have been a great experience for me. However, I am scared of all the things I might encounter after hearing a lot of horror stories with patients and doctors. I'm a fairly quiet person, and my family says that's a huge reason why I shouldn't get into nursing. I'll be taken advantage of and beaten up on, according to them. My brother knows people who have graduated and started working. They hate their jobs and wish they could do something else.

- I honestly don't want to work bedside for a long time. I feel that it will be tolling on my mind and body. I have dreams of working at a clinic as a NP while teaching at a university part time. However, I didn't do so hot during my first semester (in fact, I failed pharm). I'm afraid that will hinder my chances of getting into grad school.

I really appreciate any comments you guys may have. I'm sorry that this is so long. My family's discouraging attitude has really been taking a toll on me & I could use any advice.

[%63theend]

There are a lot of options in nursing. You may not have to work med surge when you graduate. You could possibly find something in a doctor's office or elsewhere and then go back and get your NP. On the other hand you may have to work med surge. Do you think you could handle it for a few years if nothing else is available?

I'm a really quiet and mellow person as well and I am not anywhere near confrontational. I do find it difficult to stand up for myself. I'm currently working nights and I have to say that is a good fit for someone with this type of personality. There is less interaction with doctors and patients and patient's families. It IS hard working the night shift but I'd recommend doing it for AT LEAST 6 months as a new grad to get your feet underneath you. I don't know how new grads work on days...

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is you really never know how you'll like the job or if you'll be able to handle it until you actually do it. I think if your family is trying to steer you away they're doing it out of love and concern for you. They may be onto something and you should probably consider what they are trying to say. That doesn't mean abandon your dreams. That just means consider what they are saying and use it to make wise decisions. If they think hospital nursing would eat you alive, consider trying the night shift even if you're opposed. Or consider trying to get a job other than hospital nursing until you can get your NP. You're already in nursing school, just keep on keeping on for now. You have plenty of time to work out the details.

[megank5183]

Hi,

Your experience sounds very similar to my experience. My family was not very supportive (to say the least) of my decision to go into nursing. My road is a little different for yours. I moved from Boston to Pittsburgh to attend law school. I actually had a full scholarship at Pitt (a pretty good law school) and my mother was so happy. Unfortunately, I was miserable. I dropped out after my first year and was pretty aimless. I decided to get my diploma in nursing so that I could apply to CRNA school. The LAST thing I every thought I would be is a nurse. I was an ICU nurse right out of nursing school, and honestly, I hated it. It is disgusting, boring and frustrating at times. I also enjoy helping people and the money. Since I did not like the ICU, I decided against CRNA school and am now getting my NP in psych. My GPA was a 3.9 in nursing school, so this helped my have no trouble getting accepted to NP school. As for your failing in pharm, just study, study, study and try to ace the rest of your courses. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If I had listened to my family, I would be miserable today. Best of luck!!

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Only you can make decisions which affect your life. If you are enjoying nursing school, I would be hesitant to project as to what may or may not happen in the future as far as anxieties of working. There are many choices that one can take when becoming an RN. Jobs are difficult to come by, but that is true of a number of professions.

That your family is not supportive of your goals is sad, however, they are not living your life. It is stressful to say the least to continue to try and live up to expectations. No matter how unrealistic.

I think the important thing here is that you are enjoying clinicals. The added stress and perhaps your studying is suffering, but take advantage of any study groups, tutoring, and other services that the college that you are attending provide. Once you graduate and start working, then you can decide where to go from there.

Chances are you can not change your family's attitude regarding your profession. You can only try and change your reaction to it, which can only benefit you and your studies. Also take advantage of any student services that can help you with stress management, make use of your guidance counselor with questions regarding direction, really watch and learn the nuiances of the units you are exposed to in clinicals. That will be a world of more knowledge than your brother "knowing people". With all due respect, by the tone of your post seemingly your brother has taken a male head of household role. And I would respectfully acknowledge that although he believes himself to be helpful, this is the route you are following at present. And you are seemingly young enough to make changes as they need to happen in your education. Another viable option after a BSN is to get a masters in social work. That is another way to spend time with patients to better their lives. A BSN, LICSW has a lot of options. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

I think the most important thing that you need to do is find a way to remove yourself emotionally from your family's negativity. Counseling, self-help books, etc. might be very useful for your state of mind, learning to separate, setting boundaries, etc.

Your career choices are yours and yours alone to make. It would be wonderful if 100% of families were 100% supportive but that's just not the reality.

[xbananachipsx, BSN, RN]

Each person responds to nursing differently. I was initially shy in the beginning. Patient interaction was my weakest plot at clinical. For 2 semesters I stuttered, had pressured speech, and couldn't make eye contact with my patient. Then my Jr 1 rotation came - community and mental health.

The CMH rotation really helped me boost my confidence. It really depends on how you take advantage of your experience but I definitely embraced every semester. This one was different because I had a lot of freedom - I could do a lot of things with the clients at the transitional house. My classmates and I did group sessions every week. The clients eventually got used to us that they would hang out with us when we were doing homework! It was great that we could talk to them normally while still maintaining good boundaries. If you want more tips w patient interaction you can PM me.

As far as nursing careers, I also don't want to do med surg, but you need at least a year's worth of experience in a hospital unit for most nursing jobs. I'm gonna do med surg for a couple of years before I'm gonna pursue a career in community health. :)

If your family is constantly bringing you down on something you want to do... You may need to get away from the negativity somehow.

Best of luck to you!

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I think that since its YOUR career, YOU should make the decisions. Why listen to such negativity. IMHO, if you put too much stock in what others think, you are losing your career goals.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

Well, this is where being a LPN or CNA first is an advantage. You get a taste for what nursing is like and an idea of your likes and dislikes.

But if you're doing well in school and enjoy your clinicals, chances are you'll find something that's a fit. I'm sure you'll be fine.

And if your family thought being a pharm tech was a better long term career than registered nurse, well, then they seem pretty ill-informed to me. Any career advice from them seems pretty dubious.

[l33tnewb11]

Dont be so quick to exclude other professions either. You can be involved in the medical field from afar as well. If you are smart enough and motivated, as well as able to think more abstract than your typical medical professions...you might consider bio-medical engineering or something. That is going to be a hot career in the near future. Making artificial hearts and such...

[applewhitern, BSN, RN]

Since you are already in nursing school and "love" it, go ahead and finish. At least then you will have that BSN degree and go on from there, and you can work while you pursue something else. It sounds like you are more comfortable being a student. Some people fear success, just as some people fear failure. I agree bio-medical engineering or something similar would be great. My brother decided he didn't really want to be a doctor all his life, either, and went back to school in chemical engineering and loves it. I don't know your financial circumstances, but I hope you are not racking up student loans for all this education!

[mrnightinggale]

You need to sit back and visualize what YOU see yourself doing in 5 years, 10 years. This is your life to live and you've only got one chance to do it. In my humble opinion, stop trying to please your family and fulfill their expectations. I've learned that some people will never be pleased with things I do in life and it took me awhile but finally I decided, "it is OK if they are displeased with my choices, I am the one that will be living with them after those people are either less involved, or not involved in my life". If you make major life decisions trying to please others or fulfill their goals and expectations, you will wake up in 10 years and ask yourself why you are where you are in life. Pick a dream/vision for your life and go for it. If it doesn't work out, so what? Life is great that way. Lot's of second chances. Not many decisions are unrecoverable.

[duskyjewel]

This is one of those situations where we do our growing up. Growing up doesn't mean achieving a certain age, or even financial independence of our parents. It means making our own decisions and fully owning them, and being able to let go of needing their approval so much.

You are allowing them to stress you out. No matter how much they bleat at you, you can choose not to accept delivery. I had to learn this earlier than most. I won't go into detail about my relationship with my mother, but her apron strings were very toxic.

Here's what you need to do. Call a family meeting and when you have everyone together, tell them that you love nursing school and are enjoying learning to care for patients in your clinicals. Tell them that this is the choice you have made for your profession, whether they choose to be supportive or not. Then declare the topic CLOSED FOR DISCUSSION. Tell them you will not entertain anymore negativity about it.

Then, next time one of them starts in on it, say, "Stop. I told you, closed for discussion." Do this every single time someone goes negative on you. It's going to take time to break this ingrained habit, and your own habit of how you respond. But if you keep it up, eventually they will get the point, or if they're really obtuse, at least you will be defending yourself. If they keep it up after you tell them to stop, then say, "Sorry. I need to get off the phone/leave this discussion now, because you are not respecting my boundary about discusssing this topic." Then actually hang up or walk away from the person. They'll be shocked, they might get angry, but that's THEIR problem.

If you don't do this, they'll keep treating you like a little kid, and you'll keep feeling like one. Plus, this boundary-setting is great practice for later when you have a family. Because trust me, you need REALLY good boundaries with your parents and other family members once you choose a mate and start raising kids.