Quote from amberc
I am a senior nursing student whose marriage has gone into complete turmoil since I have started school. Any suggestions? I don't really know what's going on. I almost feel my husband is threatend by my new career choice, or maybe my lack of being home because of school and clinicals, he is always making crazy accusations. Will it get better?
Get competent counseling ASAP. And set aside time to communicate. Write each other letters. Don't waste time on accusations. Talk about what you each need and want and are willing to bring to your relationship. Try to recall what brought you together in the first place. No matter how time pressured you are, set aside a couple of hours a week to put everything else on the back burner and concentrate on each other. Massage, sex, cuddling, dinner, (hey that's not a bad gameplan) do whatever will recharge your batteries. Think of it as a mandatory marriage clinical if that helps you make it a priority.
Finally, talk about your hopes and dreams. Once you've refreshed your friendship (and this is far more durable than romance), you can look to the future. Maybe he's bogged down in the now and has lost the ability to project even six months ahead. And really, that's all you're talking about. Six months till you graduate.
Maybe you can plan an inexpensive vacation or cruise for summer or early fall. Most employers will give you unpaid time off for plans you've already made if you mention them when you are offered a job.
The most important thing is to be on the same team tackling problems together, not attacking each other. It has been my experience that people lash out when they're hurting and being defensive only makes things worse. The most effective response you can have with someone who is finding fault with you is to ask them, "What do you need?" For men especially, many of them have never thought about their unhappiness in these terms. They only know they're feeling bad and it has something to do with you. By turning the focus to what that unmet need is, you are taking the first step toward meeting it.
There are all kinds of creative solutions to temporary problems. You'll get the best results if you put your heads--and hearts--together to find them.
I wish you the very best.