I need to vent...........................

[peaceful2100]

I'm sorry, I don't want to ruin anyone's day but I just need to vent. I am having a really, really bad day that I just can't shake off. I just exercised for about 45 minutes but that really has not helped yet, I then took a nice long bath, but that has not really helped yet, I am listening to soothing music while sipping on a cup of hot lemon herbal tea and I am just waiting. I had a really, really bad panic attack. I am really good about keeping things to myself but after my test this morning I stormed out crying really badly. One of my classmates asked me what was wrong, and I said just leave me the F*** alone. I feel really horrible because I am usually a nice, nice person and I promised I have NEVER cussed anyone out in front of their face. I got a 52% on my GI exam. The last exam before today was cancer and I got a 60%. Now Up until the cancer exam I had a 91% which is an A at my school. The first exam cardiac I got a 88%, second exam endocrine I got a 82%, third exam psych I got a 95%, fourth exam which was over renal I got a 87%, then the fifth exam cardiac I got a 60% and sixth exam I got a 52%. I went home crying and called my clinical instructor and told her I would not be in clinicals today because I am not feeling to good. I would NOT be able to function if I went to clinicals and I would not feel safe around my patients that I would have today.

I have being feeling depressed lately, and a little on the suicidal side. Thoughts of killing myself had entered my mind recently but I keep thinking of my daughter and she is my motivation for snapping out of those thoughts and coming back into reality. I am tired, lonely, feel really stupid and feel like I know nothing. I called the doctor and made an appointment. I am really scared and I know I need help. I have actually been crying out for help for a VERY long time now and no one has notice but this morning during my bath I started seriously thinking, If I want to get better than I am going to have to take the first step. I am going to have to go and get help before I get worse and then really become weak and vulnerable and end up hurting myself.

I am trying to remain strong for this semester I have the Hesi coming up on December 1st which will be over everything we done this semester and we have to get at LEAST an 85% and then I my final on December 12th over ALL the systems we have covered this semester as well and if I want to get a B in the class I have to pass the HESI and get at least a 80% on the final.

I'm sorry this is really long, I just needed to vent, I am trying to calm down now because I know I really need to get on the ball for my upcoming exams.

[Love-A-Nurse]

i have said a prayer for you and here is a big sincere (((((tonya)))))

[NurseAngie]

{{{ BIG HUG for Tonya}}} :kiss

You are so sweet and SMART. You are going to make it honey. It's OKAY to feel what you do....you are a rational woman and you will get through this. You are going to be an excellent nurse and you have worked so hard. Have a little faith sweets!

~Angie

[paula77720]

Hi tonya,

I withdrew from my med surg class a few weeks ago because i was having panic attacks and failed 2 exams. I felt like i was heading for insanity due to alot of stress that i have no control of. Then i decide health is more important and withdrew before its too late. Afer de-stressing for 3 weeks, i started Psych and i feel totally in control of everything now. My first exam i got an A. I am more in control of my environment, no more crying and uncontrollable outburst. I am positive i am going to make it till the end.

Sometimes, i feel sad or frustrated when i remember what happened to me that led me to my being behind for one semester, but then again, theres always a reason. GOd is building a strong character in me, and i just trust God that He has a bigger plan for my life.

Now, i exercise three times a week (jogging for 20 minutes), read motivational books and see my therapist.

I hope this helps. Good luck

[essarge]

sent you a pm

[Dr. Kate, BSN, RN]

Sometimes the biggest mistake strong women make is being strong.

You sound like a good, decent person. I expect you have friends who would be glad to help, if you'd let them. This is no time to be trying to do it all on your own. People don't know what you need, so tell them. Maybe it's as little as a weekly phone call to see how you're doing.

Come by and vent here. You'll find support and compassion.

Hugs and prayers.

[Kayzee]

Tonya,

I know life can be very hard, especially for a single mom, and school too. Give yourself the credit you deserve. You have the drive to better your life for yourself and your daughter. I'm amazed how moms can actually attend college and take care of families also. My daughter is a single mom, and she does the best she can. Thats all we can do. Know your limitations. Good to hear you set up a Dr. appt. You know what you need to do. Take it a day at a time and keep us posted. Use your mom as a support person, because she must love you alot. :)

[abby27]

I live in KC too. I really feel alone sometimes too. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I don't know very many people around here. I'm all about getting into nursing school. I know what it's like to be depressed!

Abby27