Why are the divorce rates among nurses so high?

  1. THere's been several surveys and studies done on professions with the highest divorce rates. Among bartenders, entertainers and telemarketers, the nursing profession was one of them. Why?

    And for those that are not divorced, how do you prevent your relationship from crumbling?
  2. Visit TiffanyLe profile page

    About TiffanyLe

    Joined: Mar '13; Posts: 39; Likes: 10
    Nurse's Aide; from US


  3. by   nurseprnRN
    For me, I finally learned from a good therapist that it was because nurses are caretakers, they often take responsibility for the relationship, want to smooth things over and be all things to all people. If someone like that is married to a narcissist or control freak, that's a recipe for disaster sooner or later when the nurse discovers she can never do enough to make it right, and the spouse is actually contemptuous of someone who keeps trying to do please him even as he keeps demanding that she keeps trying to do it.

    Solution: Don't marry anybody who doesn't love your best self and rejoice when you achieve anything. Marry a true partner who doesn't keep score, be sure both of you think you got the best deal in the relationship lottery, and you feel like your best selves when you are together. Sooo worth it.

    If it takes you a second try, it's worth it.
  4. by   martymoose
    Since we both work opposite shifts, we never fight or complain because we never see each other
  5. by   Al.ginger
    marry a medical professional! He would understand. I'm married to chiropractor who worked in a nursing home during his school years. Not only he has a lot of nurse-friends, he understands what we are going through and also can give sound advice.
  6. by   Skips
    Marry another nurse.
  7. by   lilaclover6984
    No advice here haha

    I'm yet another nurse divorcee And the advice someone else gave of marrying another healthcare didn't work out so well for me. I was married to a RT.
  8. by   enchantmentdis
    I married during nursing school, while i was getting my BSN. My spouse was getting his medical technologist degree/license at that time. What destroyed our marriage was my jealousy over him having a job that kept him away from family members, patients, nursing assistants, and nurse managers. He has been able to keep the same job for the past 15 years while i have been able to patch together various nursing jobs throughout the years--the longest sojourn being eight years as a charge nurse. My ex hated hearing my stories of woe in regards to nursing drama. He thanked his lucky stars that he worked as a med tech and was safely away from the prying eyes of doctors, jangling call lights, families standing outside of patient's rooms, the blame that nurses place on each other. Lucky guy. He chose well, considering he is a quiet follow who hates confrontation and drama. Me too--dislike confrontation and drama; and should have made a wiser choice. This profession has always been a bad fit, because i can put up with hours, days, months, and even years of constant interruption; however not being able to get hardly anything from start to finish without constant interruption has weighed heavily on my heart physically and emotionally. One failed marriage. Awful. At least my seventeen year old doesn't want to be a nurse. I tried to get her to go to Pharmacy, Dentisty, or Ventarinary school, but refuses and wishes to become a physician. I'm proud of her but, good grief! BTW: Marriage number two barely working as he is just like the first husband--wants quiet, no drama, is married to his computer...blah, blah.
  9. by   Vespertinas
    I didn't know I was a nurturing person until I became a nurse. Now that's pretty much the only times it kicks in for me and I give so much of myself at work that I don't have much to spare when I get home. I turn on my nice voice and ramp up my patience when I walk into work but then all of that shuts down when I walk out. He knew it, I realized it, and it was hard to change. Coupled with GrnTea's narcissist and control freak and I too had a recipe for disaster.
  10. by   Tait
    Honestly I don't think it matters what the other person does for a profession, my husband is a science geek/physics/computers. What matters is being with someone who understands that nursing is a profession that gives a sublime sense of satisfaction, while at the same time having the potential to drain every drop of your energy.

    When DH and I were opposite shifts we were miserable. We felt like we never saw each other, and I often found myself up til 3am on my nights off, lonely because he was asleep in the other room. Once I went to day shift it was so much better.

    For the past year and a half I have actually been home with my daughter and finishing my master's degree. Currently pregnant with #2 due in May, I plan to be home until most likely next year sometime.

    While nursing has exacerbated certain weaknesses in my personality, such as anxiety, it has also given me a passion that I never thought I would find. My husband appreciates that passion, compliments it with his own drive and excitement, and works side by side with me on my own mental health issues.

    While all is not perfect all the time we understand that we each hold stock in making sure our relationship works, and setting up the best possible example for Emma and soon to be Elliott.

    As cliche as it sounds marriage, for me at least, is about understanding that each person is just that, a person. Like my children, we all deserve respect and open communication about our concerns, loves, and passions.

    My assumption on why nurses are in a higher divorce category is that nurses can often find themselves in imbalanced relationships coupled with a high stress, anxiety inducing profession.

  11. by   hiddencatRN
    Marry the right person who will grow and change with you in the right way. Some of that is luck because you have to guess a little bit at how someone else will continue to develop as he/she ages when we often don't know how we'll change in the future. Stay connected, have interests to share that are separate from work. When you fight, fight so that you both "win" and be kind because words can't be unsaid. Cuddle and be affectionate. Baby each other. Laugh and be silly together. And don't be afraid to move on if it's really just not right. A wonderful marriage will require effort and come with ups and downs but will be very worth it; bad marriages just waste time you could be spending being happy.
  12. by   RN_BSN09
    Maybe part of it is the stress level nurses have from their jobs... piled with the odd schedule hours. I know I will have a positive attitude at work usually, but when I get home I want to vent about things... and the person I vent to most often is probably my husband. He always wants to "fix" whatever I'm complaining about, or asking me what I've done to fix it... but I'm just wanting him to listen, and be understanding. I want him to say "wow that really stinks..." or "I know you work hard". I've told him this before, and it's gotten a little better.

    I think I've discovered that it's important to have other nurse friends who understand your career, and can vent with you. I try to keep my venting to my husband to a minimum, because in reality if he is not a nurse he will never fully understand what all this job entails... and that is okay. It only adds stress.

    I think the key is to have a strong marriage and relationship in the first place. Make time for each other... the other person should be your priority. Compliment each other. For the most part leave work at work (at least most of the negatives), or with your nurse friends.
  13. by   Vespertinas
    Quote from Tait
    What matters is being with someone who understands that nursing is a profession that gives a sublime sense of satisfaction
    Ah yes. And while I have a driving passion to work with the elderly, the only reinforcement I ever got was, "yechh."

    Just don't charge me for this session, guys.
  14. by   blackvans1234
    This is my personal philosophy, and maybe some of you will agree. Others may throw tomatoes at me.

    I am a 21 yr old male CNA, I work in a hospital. I am single, no kids, no ex wife, no current wife. No baggage.

    I always ask my patients, "Are you married?", they often say yes, then I ask how long?
    They say, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years! . I usually ask, "What's your secret?", and the advice I get is as different as every patient I ask.

    My personal philosophy as to why divorce rates are so high, is because marriage today is extremely different than It was 30+ years ago.

    I'm sure every nurse reading this has had the male patient that won't do a dang thing for himself, and makes his wife do it. And believe it or not, she does!. This all goes back to the ''marriage today is completely different than 30+ years ago"

    I think that ''back then'', women put up with a lot more s*** from their husbands, because "That's how it was"
    Today, women are much more empowered, and aren't servants to their husbands.

    Especially in this profession, chances are you get home and need a husband to relax you and be there for you after your long day at work. I don't think the other way around would fly, and i'm sure you ladies would agree.
    However looking back, women would almost always be there when hubby got home, had dinner ready, took his coat off and shoes off, and nodded and empathized with his hard day at work.

    Not no 'mo!

    I think that it has to be the right person, right dose, right time, right background and right understanding of your profession..Sorry, still got the five rights stuck in my head!
    Right documentation.