Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it - page 9
the other "things you'd like to tell" threads have been so great -- how about one more? to the daughter of today's patient: i understand back pain, believe me. i've had the surgery and was off... Read More
Jun 26, '09Stop helping!!!! I realize you worked in a nursing home.
You don't need your robe, i will make sure you are covered!
Please get out of the way miss you are in the way of the patients walker!
You don't need to brush you hair right now!
Please sit up on the side of the bed, you are in a bad position, remember how we said to do this? Ok my back is hurting, you have to sit up... You are killing my back and knees. Sit up!!!!
So you just come here an hour a day and complain?
Jun 26, '09I can tell the difference between a boy and a girl. I'm sorry that the nursery is painted pink and that you've got a department store's worth of girlie clothes at home, but the baby is STILL a boy. Yes, I'm absolutely sure, I'm a well trained medical professional and have developed the skill to identify a penis when I see one. Hope you kept the receipts.
Jun 26, '09No, she cannot have a sandwich. She is on clear liquids. I don't care if you don't think her daughter should be allowed to visit. She is mentally competent and can state for herself who she would and would not like to see. Please do not eavesdrop on my telephone conversations. There is a reason I stepped out of the room to take this call, and it is none of your business. No, she cannot have some crackers. Crackers are not a clear liquid. I will get her some Jello as soon as I have hung the blood. Now stop talking to me and go sit down on that little green couch over there that they put in here for family members so I can get her blood transfusion started. I have no desire to do chest compressions on her ninety pound body, and I have no desire to lose my nursing license when you sue me for malpractice when she codes because I didn't get the blood hung fast enough because you wouldn't leave me the frack alone!
Jun 27, '09I would rather have no interaction with some of them at all. I would like there to be a trap door in the floor where they have to stand to use the intercom - when you see the on the CCTV who it is just press a button to release the doors and a slide takes them to the bus stop!
I can dream!
Jun 27, '09Quote from country momGet your facts straight ... he didn't use morphine.Dr. Kevorkian does, um, I mean did, you know, before they sent him to prison.
Jun 27, '09To an inmate's mother:
He's lying to you, he likes to make you suffer.
Why do you listen to his BS?
No, he doesn't have cancer. When did you last visit? 6 months ago??? He's lying to make you feel sorry and guilty so you will come visit him.
He's a sociopath and he's lying.
Go ahead and call the Governor.
Jun 28, '09things id like to tell visitors....hmmmm.....how about:
are you sure your family? i mean....because you see your aunt lily here was my favorite patient until 2 minutes ago when you came in to visit. see...i thought she was an intubated sedated orphan.....but now....with you showing up and all ....gosh things have changed" ...id try to look real disappointed when i walked away,:d
Jun 28, '09Sir, I've very sorry that your life has not worked out as you wished, and your dad's decades of self destructive behavior have now led to liver cancer and a much shortened lifespan. I'm just standing here trying to get the pump readings off the IV machine for my I/Os, and you're threatening to hit me with that closed fist for not going to the ABC store for you, old chip off the block you. Let me point out a few things:
1 -- You may have been a bully and successfully abused women in the past. I am not that woman.
2 -- You weigh 90 pounds. I'm over 6 feet tall, and have a hundred pounds on you. You will not win a physical confrontation. I just want to get your dad's pump reading, that's all. You ask me if I know what it's like to have my arm broken. Why, yes, actually I have heard my own bones break, it's a deep, wet "crunk" sound, followed by clicking as the pieces bump into each other: I can give you the experience if you like.
3 -- No, I am still not getting you bourbon, and you are not going to "fix me" when I leave work this morning. May I introduce you to our lovely security guards? They are here because they like me. They have some lovely bracelets they will assist you in donning. And they like me. They don't like you. At all. They will be keeping you company in a little, windowless room until the county gets here, and preventing any slip, trips or falls.
4-- The ER will be expecting you.
Jun 28, '09You and your wife (who IS my patient) are lovely people. Really. I have enjoyed interacting with you all day long. But you, sir, are NOT my patient, and my assignment is already full. So, I didn't have time to call for your extra guest meal trays all day (that somebody ELSE approved), which I did, or untangle your oxygen tubing that's hooked up to OUR flowmeter (that somebody else approved), which I did, get you a glass of water for your pills, which I did, get you a Diet Pepsi, which I did....and now it's 10pm, I've been behind ALL day long, and I've brought you linen for the cot in the room. When you ask me, "is someone going to come down and make up the bed for me?" the answer is going to have to be no. I've been catering to you all day long, and while again, I really DO like you and your wife, I only have so much time to take care of the people I HAVE to take care of. Thank you for understanding.
Jun 28, '09Quit asking me why your mother doesn't have her shoes on when you are fully aware that she takes them off every chance she gets.No i will put them on everytime she takes them off i have better and more important things to do.
Jun 28, '09Why are you calling me at 4 p.m. to see how your mother/father/cousin/fellow volunteer at a bake sale 6 months ago is doing? I got out of report 30 minutes ago. I have not even seen this person yet and didn't even recognize the name until I looked at my report sheets. I will now have to walk approximately 75 yards to the chart to see if your name is on the HIPPA permission slip. Why don't you call halfway through a shift so the nurse knows a little something about the patient? Better yet, why don't you call your alert and oriented patient and ask him or herself? I guarantee they will know more about what's going on than I do. Especially if I have to waste so much of my patient care time on this sort of thing.
Jun 29, '09How's mum? I've no idea, cos you're the 15th relative who's phoned in the last 30 minutes, so I haven't been able to get of the phone long enough to go see her!