Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more!

[Blue Roses]

"...I'm a young new nurse about a year out of nursing school and I haven been on the ob for about 10 months. During the past 4 months or so I have had increasing anxiety to the point of being physically sick and having to call off work, and now I only have one more absence left until they fire me.

My boss is very strict and unsympathetic. If you try to talk to her she says things like "well sometimes life just isnt fair." instead of trying to help you. She holds grudges and has favorites and least favorites, and if you are the latter you know it and feel it in the way she treats you.

About 2 months ago I had two patients pass away on me in a two week period, and since then I have been a complete and total mess. I have been getting dizzy and passing out both at work and at home, I constantly feel like something terrible is about to happen, and I have a constant underlying current of fear and anxiety in my mind and heart. It doesn't help that we have been consistently understaffed and overworked the past several months (I work on a med surg floor in a huge city hospital). Every night I go in I'm terrified of what I might face when I get there. I cry all the time. I can't sleep, I don't eat because I feel nauseated most of the time. I'm also facing stress outside of work, conflict within my family and trying to plan and pay for my wedding coming up in May mostly by myself.

...It came to a head last night when my fiance woke up to me sobbing my eyes out because I stay awake all night to make sure he's still breathing. I have been in denial, I know I have a history of depression and self-mutilation as a teenager, although I was never diagnosed with anything. But now I feel like a train speeding at 100 mph towards a solid concrete wall.

I have appointments this week to see both my PCP and a free counselor service provided through my work... I am going to try and talk to my boss, but I don't see her doing much to help me. I have tried yoga, exercise, meditating, hobbies, etc etc and I still feel this way. It's like I'm trapped inside myself and inside this job that I am so afraid of. I have also applied for several other nursing jobs in the community, but that was just recently and I haven't heard back from any of them yet.

...I can't talk to anyone at work because it will come across as complaining and if my boss gets wind of it we get written up or fired. I am pretty desperate at this point. I barely have the motivation to get out of bed anymore. Normally I'm a generally happy person. I want to feel happy again."

That was me three weeks ago. Since then, I have sought help in counseling, have started medication through my doctor, applied for several jobs, and have gotten a few job offers. TODAY, I accepted a job offer at an inpatient rehab center at another hospital in my area, where the nurse manager is amazingly kind and the patient's aren't as acute.

Also, I called in to work today and resigned without giving notice. Part of me feels guilty, but another part of me knows it was justified. The job was killing me, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have plans now to write to my state's Senators and Congressmen regarding having a minimum patient nurse ration implemented statewide.

I have drafted letters to both the nursing administration office of my old job and to the hospital's CEO outlining my story. I hope that through telling my story I might be able to help improve conditions for those fellow nurses I leave behind whom I have come to love and care deeply about.

Don't ever let anyone tell you you are trapped in a job that is hurting you. You cannot take care of your patient's without taking care of yourself.

For the first time in months, I feel hopeful.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I have felt the need to quit before without notice. It was a dangerous job and I was sick of the lies. Sometimes enough is enough. There are other jobs out there. I give respect to the employers who treat me with respect.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

I've also quit a job without notice. Didn't think I could go in again. Didn't think I had it in me. Looking back, I took the easy way out. I had another job lined up, but I should have given notice and worked it.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

Since the thread has turned into didn't quit without notice concerns, I have a question-IF a person is affected by the issues that the OP described in her post 3 weeks earlier, tried FMLA, was denied because her NM was not receptive to the nurse, do you still think that someone should still ride it out for two weeks??? IMO if a person can fire you AT WILL, in this case in the OP's best interest, she needed to quit AT WILL for the sake of her health...I'm just curious if the will be a response to my question. I just don't understand where the fault lies within the OP's actions. The OP was in crisis mode, and in my opinion, staying for another two weeks would have been detrimental to the OP. And I fully understand the community that we work in. I have took another position at another hospital where the NM that hired me was friends with my previous nurse manager...she was and still is the president of the ENA of my state. We had a rough patch (not during the time I made the choice to switch jobs) and she gave me a good reference...on the other hand, I work (I'll say WORKED because today is my last day at this position, I'm starting a new job :) ) with an administrator who holds grudges...I went around her and was able to secure glowing references. She even sabotaged my annual review..and the review was for a new position as a RN, not my work as a LPN, yet still was upset at refusing to take an unsafe assignment-the patient's family was attempting to intimidate me, and have threatened my co workers numerous times. When the incident happened, I reduced my hours immediately after writing me up, and worked for another agency during that time...I ultimately returned to the job hence I'm leaving, and this time I did give her enough notice to start searching for people to hire to take my hours. I had heavy assignments up until this past week. But I took the high road, so my personal experience is to say I understand, but if the situation was worse like the OP's, I think I would've quit AT WILL.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I have felt the need to quit before without notice. It was a dangerous job and I was sick of the lies. Sometimes enough is enough. There are other jobs out there. I give respect to the employers who treat me with respect.

I agree with this point...and in this day and age, there are posts online where you can review your place of employment and let people know what they are going into...I looked up reviews for several organizations, including the organization I was hired at...I suggest anyone to do this if reviews are available...even interview people who work there.

[noturmaid]

Read everyone's interesting comments but felt one point wasn't addressed. In the physical, emotional and mental state Blue Roses was in she was a danger to her patients! Blue Roses this is not an insult so please don't take it that way--however the reality is in that state (lack of sleep, nutrition, depression, anxiety, fear etc) you could easily have hung the wrong med, missed an important symptom, or made an error in judgement that could have created a "reason to rescue" (thousands die in hospitals every year because of this-- created by understaffing and high acuity even with seasoned experienced nurses). As dishonorable as we feel leaving without notice is--in actuality she made have saved a life! Also please remember that she was actually a new grad---and the books are VERY different than the reality of nursing! Too often a new grads orientation consists of 2 weeks of general orientation (fire policies, 401K & benifits etc), with 4 weeks of following another nurse mentor. Then guess what--your on your own, keep up & don't screw up! I am an old nurse, yet in school again (always moving forward--besides the job requirements keep changing), and in a recent class the professor mentioned that the idea of new grads doing an internship or residency (like med students have to do) is gaining momentum. Not only do I agree with this idea but when speaking to another professor about it she said "back in the 60's every nurse had to do a year or orientation with different areas of the hospital, med-surg, L&D, psychiatry etc". In the new "business" of medicine hospitals expect nurses to have computer brains and robot bodies. Anyway, back to the subject, I have only left one job without notice in my 26 yr. career, and that was because staying was detrimental to my health, and would not have improved or helped my employer in anyway. Though I walked away feeling quilty, in looking back I feel cutting the cord quickly & cleanly was the best for all concerned. Our motto has always been "to do no harm" which in Blue Roses case is exactly what she did. Good luck; noturmaid

[limaRN, BSN, RN]

OP I'm so glad that you've moved on from this toxic job situation. I wish you the best of luck in your new job and in your nursing career!

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

I think not giving notice was warranted in this case. Omg, if she had stayed that two weeks, they would have caused her more h*ll than before. Op might not have even made it that two weeks. It was worth the risk..

[RNfaster]

In general, it's not good to quit without notice. BUT --sometimes it may be the right thing to do. And--nursing may be a small community, but often some will recognize a facility's bad reputation and understand why someone would quit without notice. OP -it sounds like you did the right thing to me. I think your old facility needs to shape up and stop abusing nurses --and patients.

[lumbarpain, ADN, RN]

NO JOB is worth you mental stability and physical health!!!! Get another job while you can....dont let the system kill you yet...you are still young. I worked in a hospital and found it so inhumane at times...so cold, so unfullfilling as a nurse to be there. but there are different types of people in this world.....the ones who just do the work, without a shrug or a tear, get the patients in and out and stabilized and the ones who take over after that work is done, The nurturers, like nursing homes and rehab centers which would be a good step down for you now until you can get another breath in your lungs from all this. Keep in mind that Nursing homes are not the way they used to be and you get alot of patients too, dont stay in bed fall alot get violent, upset, dont take meds. like a hospital patient would, 2 totally different worlds so be ready and dont lose it yet....there is still hope for you. Dont be like me, I injured myself over and over again at my job to the point of not being able to walk anymore....No one wants to hear you complain in the healthcare field, because thats all there is in the healthcare field...COMPLAINTS!!! ok, maybe there is a good day in there once in a while but you know what i mean.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

i most likey i wouldnt write a letter to anyone or say anything. just suck it up and stay or go somewhere else while smiling! but i enjoy it very much when others quit without much notice and do tell these places off. if they are brave enough good for them. things are gotten away with because most people are cowards

[SCTravelRN]

Good for you Blue Roses! I applaud you for recognizing that you needed to make some changes. (I can absolutely relate). So many times as nurses we give our all in taking care of others, but neglect to do the same for ourselves. This July will be my 17th year anniversary as a nurse and I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen, and it's a darn shame. Unfortunately, nurses are sometimes expected to be super human... Why can't we be in every patient's room at the same time or run up and down the hall for 12 hours straight without a lunch or bathroom break? Or handle every situation with a smile and pleasant disposition? We're expected to leave our personal lives at the door, or never get sick or appear anxious and frustrated... and on and on. (but I digress). The great thing about nursing is that there are a hundred different things we can do with our degrees. Keep it moving until you find the right fit, but try not to burn your bridges. You never know when you'll have to cross back over. We are not any good to anyone if we're all sick and broke down and burnt out.

[SleeepyRN]

I agree with the poster who said OP did the right thing in that she was in no frame of mind to care safely for patients. I've been there. One day I did make it in to work. My husband helped me through a panic attack only to the point where I made it to work. I was in such a frame of mind all shift that I could not hold it together enough for everyone to not know something was wrong. I even broke down and cried in front of a resident. Well.... I went home fully intending to go back the next day. All night in bed, my anxiety over the next day grew worse and worse. I still intended to go in to work. I had my scrubs on when the panic hit with a fierce. My husband was not there to be able to comfort me that day. I quit right then and there, just before my shift. I've said it time and time again. If you've never experienced a panic attack, you can't fully understand. I don't WANT to be this person. I don't WANT to be unreliable. I also don't want to be a pushover. OP stated she sought help. As am I. I'm trying to learn how to stand up for myself in a professional manner. Its very difficult to do so, however, when there are so many immature people who cannot handle an adult conversation with differing beliefs in the workplace. I expressed my concerns with my managers before I quit, but I did not give it enough time for them to address the issue. I highly suspect nothing would have come of my expressed concerns, yet I did not give them the chance. Now, I've put myself in a position where I cannot put this workplace on my resume. I'm living and learning

I apologize for my post being written poorly. I wrote it in pieces over the span of almost 2 hours while trying to care for and play with my nieces.