Suicide and its effects, it sucks!!!

[Cattitude]

pardon me while i lament on the week's event's..

[color=#483d8b]sigh, my sweet neighbor's fiancee' took his life last weekend. she is absolutely devastated of course.

[color=#483d8b]these two had been havimg some difficulties lately, up until a month ago they were living together.

[color=#483d8b]constant arguing, day and night. i'm ashamed to say that i often cringed when it started and gave an exasperated sigh to my own honey. she confided in me that she was going to ask him to leave and she did, approx 3-4 weeks ago.

[color=#483d8b]they maintained contact, working on the relationship, and getting along ok. last weekend he was over and she said they had a good time. he went home and killed himself. why? we'll never know.

[color=#483d8b]she said he seemed ok and not unusually depressed. he knew there was hope for them. i hate suicide. it is selfish. it is too damn final.

[color=#483d8b]it is not fair.

[color=#483d8b]this is the third male i know personally to have taken his own life. it makes you peer deeply at your own mortality yet see your own problems as very small.

[color=#483d8b]i spoke with her at length and hope i said a few right things, if there is anything right to even say...she will never be the same. i hope she can find some kind of peace or closure or something.

[color=#483d8b]thanks, if you even read this far...

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

My best friend was leaving her husband of 7 years because he was an orifice! He didn't love her, he had her pay her own bills...buy her own food...and various other things married couples just don't do. My friend was very loyal and compliant to her husband, but after a time she realized...this was not right! And had to muster up the courage for her own sake of mind and spirit to leave him.

Things were going great, she spent many a week at my home where she was loved and appreciated for the wonderful person she was! I loved her so much..we were like sisters, and I was so proud of her for realizing she was worth SO MUCH MORE than what she was going through.

March 16th, after she had gone to her home for a night, I got a call from her husband. The voice, as emotionless as can be comes on and tells me point blank "Brenda is dead". I was like "WHAT? Oh this isn't funny at all!"

No, she was found that am next to her bed on the floor dead...cause of death unknown, suicide a possible factor.

I am still devistated, still questioning why!? My dearest friend, my sister is gone in a flash. Heck, I had just talked to her at 2300 on the 15th...nothing was wrong...talk as usual, she even spoke of the next days plans and an upcomming trip to see an old college roommate in a month...was it suicide?

I don't believe it was because she had plans, wasn't giving away things, didn't speak of dying with me...and believe me she told me EVERYTHING! But I will bet that the death report will be suicide because a 31 year old woman suddenly dying with domestic probelms can easily be explained by suicide rather than actually taking the effort, time, money, manpower to prove otherwise....

It hurts...hurts like H*ll, so let yourself grieve...know that asking why is part of the healing process. Get mad, scream at the roof, hit a pillow, cuss out...do what you feel you need to. I still have not because the husband will NOT do anything for her....no memorial, just a quick cremation and end of it...heck, he started thowing away her stuff that very day! So I have to do everything for her...from obituary announcements to a memorial tree planting ceremony just so she will have a proper send off with her multitude of friends and family!

Take care of yourself please...allow time to heal and go through the steps of grieving...it will pass...the initial pain that is, and turn into nice memories of your friend to keep close to heart...but it takes time, and rightfully so...they are in our lives for years...takes time to let them go...

Hugs for you!!!!!!!

[Cattitude]

I am still devistated, still questioning why!? My dearest friend, my sister is gone in a flash. Heck, I had just talked to her at 2300 on the 15th...nothing was wrong...talk as usual, she even spoke of the next days plans and an upcomming trip to see an old college roommate in a month...was it suicide?

!

{{{{{{{{TriageRN}}}}}}}}

What an awful few weeks you have gone through. The not knowing must be so very difficult for you. My heart goes out to you.

I too know what it's like to lose a dear friend at such a young age. 3 1/2 years ago, one of my best friends of almost 20 years was killed by her boyfriend. She was actually in the process of leaving him.

That SOB is in prison but it will never return my friend to this earth, alive and whole.

Is there any possibility her husband had anything to do with this? I really hope they investigate this fully.

My thoughts are with you and angel wings for Brenda.

[zumalong]

(((TriageRN 34))))so so sorry for your loss. Some of what you are describing fits my brother. kind of reverse situation--when he died-I had already been through this with my other brother. I was never one to join support groups (I was usually the one leading the groups). I found help with suicide survivors group. Most areas have a chapter.

There is NO right emotion for those left. You will go through every emotion in the book and then some. It also never closes completely. I can just reiterate that you can;t do the "should of, could of, would of, tango with your life.

My parents are dealing with these losses in a very negative way--It is too hard for me to take care of myself and then deal with their grief (and it has been 6 years). Please feel free to IM me if you need a shoulder to cry, scream, rant, rave, or even laugh on.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I didn't post a response originally because I was so put off by the label "selfish" being used in the op to describe those that commit suicide.

Unless you have been to that point yourself you have no idea. Those that commit suicide are not selfish in my opinion and I have a hard time with the people I knew and cared about that killed themselves being labeled as such.

You try sticking around for 5, 10, 20 years in soul crushing emotional pain with physical symptoms to boot.

I Agree. Totally.

[madwife2002, BSN, RN]

My friend killed herself when I was 19yrs old and it has haunted me ever since, she was playing the tune 'One Day I'll Fly Away" and it still sends chills down my spine to this day 20 years on. Her Fiance ran off with all her things and she just couldnt cope.

My poor friend her heart was just broken beyond repair

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

My only cousin on Mama's side ended her life almost 8 years ago. Her daughter is the one who found her. Even now the young lady will not speak of what happened. All we know is that she died. I can't imagine the pain the daughter is going through keeping it all in. In less than a year she lost her grandmother to cancer, grandfather to a CVA, older sister to Lymphoma, and then her mother. I weep for them. I weep for her.

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

You have no CLUE what point I've been to in my life thank you!!! I, like you am entitled to my opinion. I don't label people, I don't judge.

A person who kills himself has done a selfish thing. Having been there, I can tell you, the pain is overwhelming, and you just CAN'T think of the people you're hurting. It's still selfish. I remember waking up in ICU and seeing my dad sobbing next to my bed. He never cries. Life just sucks sometimes.

[Cattitude]

A person who kills himself has done a selfish thing. Having been there, I can tell you, the pain is overwhelming, and you just CAN'T think of the people you're hurting. It's still selfish. I remember waking up in ICU and seeing my dad sobbing next to my bed. He never cries. Life just sucks sometimes.

Thank you for sharing that painful memory.

And thank you too MadWife and P RN.. It affects so many people and it is astounding and sad.

Hugs to all those who have suffered a loss or touched by this somehow.