Scared to go back to work

[LouisVRN, RN]

I'm a fairly new nurse, I have about two years of experience but am very well respected by my peers and management where I work, I do a lot of precepting and am known for advocating for my patients and serve on several committees, but I am scared to return to work tomorrow. I have had about two and a half weeks off for bereavement as my dad passed away. It wasn't necessarily unexpected but it happened very suddenly. While he was in hospital I was at his bedside and it was amazing how different it was, how helpless I felt. Since his passing everyone has commented on how "well" I am dealing with it and I truly want to return to work, I love my job, but I am afraid that returning to that surrounding will bring all the emotions up. When I have patients who need my focus and care I can't be trying to deal with a personal crisis. I know no one can predict how I will react, but does anyone have any advice? Would it be in bad taste to call the day charge nurse and request not to have any pts on bipap machines (my dad was on bipap when he went into respiratory distress at the end) just for a few days until I know how I'm going to cope, very few pts on our floor have bipap machines, maybe one or two?

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Awwww you're even making me

[TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN]

I don't think it would be inappropriate at all to ask them to "go easy" on you for a little while, especially with cases that might bring up overwhelming emotions for you following your recent loss.

You might surprise yourself though. Being able to be active in helping other people in the wake of your father's death may give you some solace. I hope it does. You will be in my thoughts.

[Celia M, ASN, RN]

I am sorry for your loss, your Dad was lucky to have you at his side. Sometimes it is difficult being a nurse in these circumstances. I have not lost a parent but had several miscarriages while working as a nursing sup and one of the duties was to attend deliveries. My work was very understanding and the staff subbed for me for the first couple of days so I could get my feet back under me and my head around the issue. You may also have an employee assistance program at work that could provide counselling for you to help you transition.

Talk to your manager and charge nurse, I think your request is totally reasonable.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

Celia

[mustlovepoodles, RN]

I agree with all of the above. It's not at all unreasonable to call and give them a heads up before you head in tomorrow. Surely everyone will understand. I went through something similar about 19 years ago when I lost a baby in my second trimester(not saying it's the same, but the emotions are very similar.) I had just been hired for an OB/GYN floor and I called the nurse manager and told her what happened. She gladly moved me to the GYN side of the floor for a couple weeks, until I could get my feet back under me. The day I had a patient who had undergone termination for an anacephalic fetus was my trial by fire. Of course, I was upset, but who wouldn't be? I felt like I acted appropriately, even though it made me cry. Heck, it made several of us cry! But after that I was able to return to OB and did very well.

I hope things go well for you tomorrow. The first days back are always hard. But eventually you will adjust--you'll never forget of course, but the pain will become more tolerable with time. You have my sympathies.

[CardioTrans, BSN, RN]

It will be a little hard when you first go back, and it isn't inappropriate at all to ask about avoiding certain patients for a little while. One thing........... as you get back to your routine, you can use your experience to help other family members and patients to understand what is going on. I had to do this when I lost my mother to metastatic breast cancer. You will be able to relate to their fears and anxiety. And just so you know...........its ok to cry with them too.

:hug:

[MzMouse]

I also think it would be very appropriate to call ahead and request to not care for certain patients for a little while. I really couldn't imagine anyone not understanding.

I remember going to work for the first time after my father died. It was tough. Coworkers mean well, but some just don't know what to say. So they don't say anything. Don't be surprised if you end up sneaking in a room a few times the first few days to wipe tears.

It never goes away, but it does get easier. It's been seven years, but once in a while something brings me back and I need a moment.

You are in my thoughts. :hug:

[LouisVRN, RN]

Thanks everyone. I definitely feel that in the long run this will make me a better and more empathetic nurse. I have talked to my charges, the clinical supervisor regarding the situation and they all assure me that I'll do fine. My main concern is that I'm an emotional person anyway and yet, especially after having went through this, know how important it is to give my patients my full attention, and I don't want my own emotions to distract me from that. I know how proud my dad was of me and I want to continue to perform in a matter that would make him. I definitely will be trying to spend more time with my patients in the future. :redbeathe

[tobesmartt]

:) Good Luck. let us know how it was. and remember your first day back.

[psalm, RN]

Hugs & prayers for you as you return to work. It was hard to go back to my med/onc floor after being with my brother in ICU when he passed.

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

You sound like you need more time.

You're grieving and you will be costantly reminded.

[Zookeeper3]

I understand your pain and anxiety.... I have been off work for 3 weeks, my daughter has suffered a traumatic brain injury from a car crash and i've been through hell although she will recover in a year or more. I just started back.

It's terribly hard to consider caring for others when you are still in shock and others suffering is minimal compared to what you are going through. You can't be compassionate because your hurting yourself, you can't be objective because less suffering is minimal and irritates you... a call for the TV remote can cause you to loose your cool when another patient is suffering..... and your still suffering and haven't had time to grieve. You may very well get angry at your patients and lash out. you have nothing left to give.....

I had to get an FMLA... first because I was out the initial three weeks of her hospitalization... but primarily now. I'm finding that I had to change my schedule. before I could work 3 days in a row... now... on one off one....... I sleep poorly as I'm sure you do, I'm un-rested and my patient care suffers because I'm tired and then I simply lack the energy to care.

I work three 12 hr. shifts a week and now week 6... I just may make all three, I've had to call in FMLA due to poor coping on my part and other issues where I knew I'd be fired if I showed up because I had nothing left to give and didn't give a crap..... you can't work like that.

You may be ready for one or two shifts a week, get an fmla, change your schedule and allow a break period between your days and REST those days.

Unfortunately, at some point you will hit the wall and realize your loss, break down and need a break, mean while you may continue until that point.... but please get a freaking FMLA and protect yourself now so you may have the scheduling options and call off options so you are rested, safe, don't neglect your patients or cause harm.

My heart goes out to you, please take the time you need.. grief will creep up at the worst times, but you have to go through that to be whole again. Protect yourself and your patients and use the fmla... that is what it is there for.