Personal Experience after Many Years as a Nurse - page 2

I've just recently lost my son (17) after a freak accident where he was playing a pickup game of football during baseball practice (to get in their conditioning/running/exercise instead of just... Read More

  1. by   anon456
    Dear fellow RN and mom,

    I'm so sorry for your experience. It was as traumatic as any mom could every face with her child. I'm so, so sorry. I lost my dad a little over a month ago (asthma attack, coded 11 times) and he was also on life support for 3 days and we decided to donate his organs. It is one thing to be a nurse, another thing to be a mom or daughter or other family member. :-( It's a nightmare as you step from nurse to loved one and back again. It's hard and I have no words of advice but I wanted to just tell you I'm thinking of you right now, and sending thoughts from one RN to another.
  2. by   marydc
    I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.
  3. by   debsgreys
    I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. Please find a support group near you. Prayers to you and your family.
  4. by   Mulan
    She wasn't looking for medical advice.

    My condolences.
  5. by   barbyann
    Please know I love this article. Well written and informative, also heartbreaking. There isn't a nurse who reads this that doesn't know they could be in your shoes some day. Life is so unpredictable.

    In my experience (son also) the early stages of grief were spent reliving the horrific chain of events. Trying to figure out how there could have been a better outcome. I remember my brain just wouldn't stop. After a few months I had to put the alternate scenarios to bed. I realized I needed to focus on the huge loss, the pain and how I could go forward. The grief was like a steamer trunk that I would carry around all day, every day. I'd drag that thing everywhere. After another few months I realized it was more like a suitcase, still had to drag it around to hold all my anger, longing, sadness, pain. Eventually the "container" became more portable, like a small clutch bag I could easily carry and hide from view.

    Please be gentle on yourself. Please know that your child felt no pain because you intervened on his behalf. Please know that the donated organs will make another mother not go through the suffering you are going through right now.

    My friend in grief, I am so very sorry you have joined the bereaved mother ranks. I attended a support group monthly for the first five years and found much comfort and understanding there.

    I will be thinking of you as the days go forward. One foot in front of another, good days and bad days, forever changed.
  6. by   roughmatch
    Love and prayers to you.
  7. by   Little Panda RN
    I have no words to express the hurt in my heart for you and your family. I pray that God gives you comfort and strength.
  8. by   NurseJoy33
    I am so sorry for your heartbreak,and loss of your son. I can't imagine what you are going through. God bless.
  9. by   HyperSaurus, RN
    I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for your loss.
  10. by   wolfwing
    Wow. I am not an RN, I am just a mere student, but I could not just read, sit back and not say anything.
    I give all my condolences to you and your family. Reading your post made my heart and head swirl.
    I wanted to say, don't blame yourself. Don't feel fault for yourself. Ever. It was such a huge task for even the surgeon you have highly respected; it was a situation that was out of everyone's hands. It was out of your control. The choices you had listed and described, they were the right ones. There couldn't be anything else outside of what you have done that could've been better. You're extremely strong to be able to make such tough decisions like that. That's highly respectable and I wish the best for you and your family with overcoming all of this. Let your minds be at peace soon.
  11. by   VivaLasViejas
    Oh, my. I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling. All I know is that as a Mom AND a nurse, you did the very best you could. When a mother acts out of love for her child, there is no wrong way to handle a situation like the one you faced. Please, don't ever beat yourself up over the "what ifs"---his injury was catastrophic, and there was nothing beyond what you and his doctors were doing that could have changed the outcome.

    I don't know what your belief system is, so I hope you'll take this in the spirit it's intended......I believe your son is watching over you from a place of perfect light and peace, and you are a hero in his eyes.

    Praying for consolation and comfort for you and your family in these dark days. I'm glad you reached out to us.

  12. by   LakeEmerald
    So sorry you are going through this terrible saddness. No one should go through this. Blessings. We're here for you.
  13. by   wannabecnl
    Thank you for taking the time to write your story, so that we can be here for you in words and in spirit and so that perhaps others will read it and know that someone out there knows how they are feeling. I am so sorry for your horrendous loss. PLEASE seek help in the weeks, months, years--whatever you need--to come.