Personal Experience after Many Years as a Nurse

Nurses General Nursing

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I've just recently lost my son (17) after a freak accident where he was playing a pickup game of football during baseball practice (to get in their conditioning/running/exercise instead of just running laps, etc) and he went back to catch a pass, tripped in a rut, and fell, landing on the top/front of his head.

Initially, it appeared that he strictly had a severe spinal cord injury due to a C5 fracture. He was awake and alert, talking and breathing well, but had no movement from nipple line down and only some sensation and a slight Babinski reflex left foot only. We were hoping that it was just a stinger or spinal cord trauma, but quickly saw on CT what a horrible fracture it was. (I am a nurse of many years, fwiw)

I was able to be with him in the ER, thank GOD, and was talking with him when he suddenly became violently ill, vomiting without the diaphragmatic control or strength to do so, laying flat of his back in a high C collar. The neurosurgeon and I log rolled him and I suctioned him while he vomited and this continued to get worse. He was given 4mg of Zofran for the nausea, and became groggy, but within about 10 minutes, he was completely non-responsive and decompensating with his breathing terribly. This was all while we were wheeling him from ER to OR and by the time they got him intubated and vented, he was in traction with a beautifully reduced C spine fracture. Probably one of the most easily reduced and well aligned I've ever seen. He had surgery at that point to remove the shattered vertebrae, disc remnants and replace with cadaver bone and fuse to C4 and C6. The surgery went beautifully with very minimal bleeding and the aligment and hardware all looked great. The surgery was completed around 7:00 pm or a little bit later.

He was brought back to an ICU suite to begin to wake on his own. This is a healthy, strapping 17 year old athlete with absolutely NO health problems that we are talking about. We went in to see him as soon as he came back and of course, was still asleep.

However, as the night wore on, he was not awakening nor reacting to us at all. Neuro checks were "ok"....pupils reactive, responsive. At first we thought he was just extremely sensitive to the anesthesia, as he'd never had surgery or meds at all. The neurosurgeon called me and told me that he'd realized that there was not a CT of the head done, in all the excitement over the neck fracture, and he wanted to send him back to CT. Of course!

Well, later in the night, the neuro and I were at the desk, talking over this case (my beautiful son, but me trying to be clinical) and he tells me that the vertebral arteries looked great on the CT, but that there is some opacity of the basilar. However, there were no signs at all of any infarct or bleed, so he just wanted to "watch it". We looked at the imaging together and the brain looked great, I'll admit. I had a niggling concern about the basilar opacity and why we weren't pushing that, but this is a wonderful doc we're talking about and I figured he knew best.

He calls me sometime later and tells me that my son has developed hydrocephalus and he's taking him back to surgery to place a shunt and ICP monitor. And we wait.

By 6:00 the next morning, I knew something was different. His pupils were very sluggish and he was simply not responding at all to anything. Sternal stim, pin prick, light, girlfriend, nothing.

I went out to the car to rest a bit after visiting and was soon called back by the nurse, telling me that there was a change....BP was bottoming and pulse was racing. We came back in and body temp was rising. I immediately knew we were looking at a brain stem stroke.

Of course, it was worse than just that (if there is such a thing) and we were soon told that he was "locked in". I almost lost it, because after taking care of patients in this condition, I felt that this was the most horrible situation anyone could be in. Soon after, both pupils were blown and he failed apnea testing miserably.

I had already declined a feeding tube the day before, because of the ethical and legal issues involved and knowing my son's wishes. He had also made the decision a year ago to be an organ donor, so I went ahead and told the doctor to begin preparations for that. He was stunned by this whole ordeal.

This has only been 2 weeks ago for me, and I am so very lost without my son. This neurosurgeon has been in practice for 25 years and is a wonderful surgeon, with many awesome successes where none were expected. He told me that he had NEVER treated a case that progressed like this in his 25 years in practice.

I begged them to sedate him while waiting for the organ donation process, because I could not bare the thought of him possibly actually having locked in syndrome (mother's minds, you know) and being afraid or in pain with no way to let us know. They were gracious enough to comply with my request, but I still find myself scrounging for all the clinical information I can find to reassure myself that we made the right calls.

I need to reassure myself that my child was ok and not in pain or fear, and this article is a great one. Please excuse the wordiness as this is still a very fresh pain for me and I guess I'm trying to "talk it through". I've never hated being a nurse as much as I did through this ordeal, knowing what I was seeing and being so very helpless.

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

My son was locked in and we had to remove support and let him go. He was 13. Please please feel free to contact me. I am 6 years out from that now. I have support to offer and resources for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Wrapping my arms around you.

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
My son was locked in and we had to remove support and let him go. He was 13. Please please feel free to contact me. I am 6 years out from that now. I have support to offer and resources for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Wrapping my arms around you.
I'm so sorry.....((HUGS))
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
What a tragic experience for you. I am so very sorry. I feel your pain because a boy of 22 who I loved as my own died of a sudden death heart attack. His picture is still hanging on my wall, and that was back in 1990. I'm praying I will see him again one day as you must be doing now my dear. :(
((HUGS)) I am so sorry.....((HUGS))
Specializes in Maternity & Well Baby Nursery.

I am truly for your loss....I lost my son in 2010 through suicide, he was 20 years old...please feel the prayers coming to you this day.

(((((HUGS))))

Aradien

My son was locked in and we had to remove support and let him go. He was 13. Please please feel free to contact me. I am 6 years out from that now. I have support to offer and resources for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Wrapping my arms around you.
Since I'm just recently joining the site, I can't send PM's just yet, but I would be so happy to have your information and contact. My email is [email protected] and I'd look forward to any resources. I'm getting contact from my son's organ recipients, and while it is something that I want dearly, it's still so bittersweet. This past weekend has been extremely emotionally exhausting. Some days, I want to just quit work and go home and lick my wounds. Other days, work is what makes me get up and move from one spot.

Thank you for writing about this very hard experience and loss of your beautiful Son. May God be with you and ease your pain.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is a normal reaction to second guess or "what if" and "should of" and trying to find information to make sure that you did the right thing. To follow your son's wishes through all this must have been difficult for you. Your son was a caring and kind soul to have thought of others with his gift of organ donation.

Compassionate friends is a group that supports those who have lost children. Their website may be able to hook you up with a local group. There is another group called Grief share which is a group that meets for 8 weeks and covers many of the issues that we deal with as we grieve. There are also good groups online that use a forum type interaction much like allnurses. I have found those to be helpful too.

I often said the sometimes "ignorance is bliss" when I was dealing with my husband's illness but as an ICU nurse that wasn't going to happen. I can so relate to your statement about hating to be a nurse.

Talk about your pain and grief as much as you can. Get it out. Talk about your son. Write about it. I never was much on writing until I started going through the grieving process but it does help.

Please e-mail if you would like to talk.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

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