Patients Say the Darnedest Things - WIN $250! Nurses Week Contest 2018

[Brian S.]

We've all been there. In our time as nurses, we've heard patients say some pretty wild things. Whether it's off-the-wall reasons for how they came to need medical care or something as seemingly mundane as a catchphrase which a patient uttered that resulted in you having a laughing fit; those memorable phrases, reasons or moments could win you one of two $250 Amazon.com gift cards courtesy of relode.

Dust off those memories and leave them in the comment form below. The two grand prize winners will be announced during National Nurses Week but have no fear - even if you don't win one of the grand prizes, we are giving away some cool runner-up prize packs to two more lucky winners!

We all know that patients say the darnedest things, let us hear your best! Thanks for all that you, our nation's nurses, do and Happy National Nurses Week!

Be sure to enter our two previous contests for more chances to win...

• Fill in the Blank Contest
• National Nurses Week Cartoon Caption Contest (sponsored bu rukuku)

Have fun!

[button=https://allnurses.com/national_nurses_week-info.html]National Nurses Week Celebration

30 Days of Celebration / 8 Days of Giveaways[/button]

UPDATED May 9 ... and the winner is...

As promised, the winners are posted below. Thanks for all of the awesome and creative entries!!! Feel free to share!

[Roz, RN, BSN, RN]

I was caring for an elderly patient in ICU. She was confused, combative, and loud! I had done the gentle reorientation and reassurance thing until I was ready to join her on the crazy train. I reached the point of total frustration and asked her if she knew where she was.

"Of course I do!" She snapped. "I'm at the threshold of Hell!"

One of my coworkers said "Well, at least she's oriented to place!".

[Have Nurse, ADN, RN]

a totally lucid person said after hearing they would be admitted for a few days, "disconnect me from my IV, I'm gonna run to walmart and get some things, I'll be back."

Guess he was on a mission, huh? (grin)

[Deb3569]

A patient called for a refill of her cough medicine. I asked her which one since two were listed. She said "the lactulose". When I told her that wasn't cough medicine, she asked "what is it, then?". After I explained it's a laxative, there was dead silence. After which, she exclaimed, "well, no wonder!". I guess it was mildly effective in preventing a cough due to the fact she was afraid to cough.

[djh123]

A wonderful but sad former patient of mine, with multiple personalities, was sitting in her wheelchair next to my med cart as I was scurrying back and forth passing meds in the evening. I come back once to grab more and she looks at me and says "I wish I'd never married you". I was crushed, I tell you...

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

An unruly patient was screaming in the ER. My confused LOL rolled over and muttered "that damn cat!"

Our monitors were ringing incessantly while some patients were trying to sleep. After a couple hours one of my patients threw off her covers and yelled" ALL RIGHT! I'm COMING!"

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Then there's the good old-fashioned nursing poop story. This one's about a LTC resident I'll call "Margaret", who had been in bed for years and only had a BM once a week. (She also had a wicked sense of humor.) It had been that way for as long as she'd been disabled, and she steadfastly refused all interventions to increase the frequency. Needless to say, her stools were extra-extra-extra large and nearly filled the commode bucket, and she usually had some caustic remark for the CNA who cleaned her up afterwards.

On this particular night, she did her business and the aide, who was a new employee, was so impressed that she brought the bucket to the nurse's station to show me a BM in the shape of an exclamation point. Laughing, I went to Margaret's room to congratulate her on this accomplishment, but she was a step ahead of me. "An exclamation point, eh? I was going for a bow. Didn't make it."

[angeloublue22, BSN, RN]

I had an African American man come in to the jail and he was already angry. I asked if he had any allergies to food or medication and he yelled, "Yeah, I'm allergic to racist white ******* like you!" I then calmly asked if that counts as a food or a medication. That actually made him laugh and we were fine after that.

[SilleLu]

Sweet little couple both mid 90s, both sharp as tacks. Wife recovering from hip fx. I was helping her off the bedpan and pulling up her undies and pj pants. Husband pipes up, "I would have helped her, but I'm much better at taking them off...I've had more practice!" Wife couldn't stop giggling...

Edited to add: They had 9 children

[Presh123]

A patient on indwelling catheter that I have emptied 1500mls of urine

from his catheter woke up and started screaming Nurse I need to use the restroom I have not urinated since today😂

[ConfusedPatient]

There should also be a comment section on the unprofessional things nurses say about their patients.

[AceOfHearts<3]

I was called an ISIS terrorist and the phone was a bomb. That was a fun night....

[P-RN]

A coworker in the ICU was checking whether an elderly patient was oriented and asked her if she knew where she was. The woman looked at her like she was stupid and replied, "Of course I know where I am, I'm right here! When we finished laughing we agreed that she certainly was correct, though perhaps not really oriented.