My Patient Died today

imintrouble, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2010

There is something sad about a life ending. People react how they react. There is no right or wrong. I personally would not cry if a pt that I cared for died after 3 hrs.

CVmursenary · Sep 8, 2010

thats nice that you had the time to be with someone in their last minutes.

rn/writer, RN · Sep 8, 2010

Some people take any patient death to heart. Some do so only if they got to know the person. Others care but can move forward without a lot of emotional reaction. And still others find themselves unaffected.

Do what's right for you. Let yourself feel--or not feel--whatever response you truly have.

And know that your reactions might differ from time to time and patient to patient, depending on what is happening in your own life.

If anyone wants to question you or give you guff, just tell them you are coming to terms with the matter in your own way.

WickedRedRN, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2010

It's good that you had this experience while in school. Every one of my patients that die affect me in different ways. If I have established a good connection with the patient and/or family, it gets to me a little more. In your situation, I would have been fine too. Just being able to be there with her and make sure someone was there was wonderful. Glad you had the chance and the ability to stay. I always try to find a way to make sure someone is there and no one passes alone. Not always possible, but thanks for being that person!

JB2007, ASN, RN · Sep 8, 2010

You did a wonderful thing holding her hand and being with her during her final moments. I am sure that it was a great comfort not only to the person who died, but to the family as well.

There was nothing wrong with your reaction at all. Like the OP state each death or type of death will affect you differently. Depending on what area of nursing you get into you may be dealing with death regularly. You will learn to deal with death in your own way over time.

Mikel3113 · Sep 9, 2010

I am a new grad and share your feelings because I am relatively new to death too. I've seen many pass since, but my first way only about half a year ago. In my unit it is very regular, probably about 30 or 40% of mine die, not necessarily under my care but some have and others a few days later.

I find that there are 3 or 4 that I remember so vividly it was like it was yesterday, and one that I will never forget. And yet others seem to slip my memory. It sound bad, I can recall them if i really try, but my point is some will stick out way more than others.

Don't read into death too much when it happens again, It doesn't mean your doing anything wrong with the ones you won't remember or have as many feelings for. Your a nurse, remember that, you know you care, don't forget it and if you get down take a break, transfer and you will bounce back up.

07302003, ASN, RN · Sep 9, 2010

The only advice I would give you for the future, is that it gives the family peace to speak with the honestly about their loved one's last moments... you have to get up the gumption to say whether they were at peace, if they were responsive, if you can give the family a picture of how it was, and say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. It was an honor to be with _______" Emphasize with them about what they've been through. It can be a really hard conversation, and you need to initiate it. But at the end of the day you feel like you made a difference (which may mean that you don't always feel bad about a death if you helped someone peacefully pass, and it was their time, it's part of nursing).

Now, as a student, you may not have had that chance (to feel you could speak with the family honestly). But it's a gift to families to have someone CARE.

You did great.

Fribblet · Sep 9, 2010

Don't feel guilty.

Some people get dramatic, some get emotional, and others are relatively unaffected. You're not a bad person or a bad nurse because you didn't fall apart when a patient died.

Some people think a "good" nurse will cry with the family and feel a great sense of loss and that a nurse who doesn't "doesn't have the heart" necessary. Don't listen to them. You feel what you feel, and there's nothing wrong with it. You barely knew the patient, but it was a great that you were able to stay with her as she died. w

If you got worked up over every person you will see die during your career, you'd be unable to function.

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Sep 9, 2010

You will never forget this experience. You will always know that you were there for a patient, no matter how long you were assigned to them. You held her hand, she did not go alone...that is oftentimes what we do. Hold a hand to comfort. If you were the nurse there with my family member, I would be SO THANKFUL that you did this.

Don't worry about your reaction. There is no "right way" to feel. It is as different as our fingerprints.

wsuRN09 · Sep 9, 2010

Everyone handles it differently and some are better at coping with it than others. I'm not surprised that you feel fine, especially since you only knew the pt for a short amount of time and it sounds like the pt had a peaceful death. Don't feel guilty, you were there for the pt and that is the most important thing. :up: Good job :)

DizzyLizzyNurse · Sep 9, 2010

I work in LTC and usually the only time I cry at all is if I knew the family really well. And I don't bawl or anything; just tear up a bit. Usually the person is old and it's been only a matter of time. Usually I feel sad, but it's ok. Part of nursing is being able to still feel for the family and patient but to be able to distance yourself enough to get your job done.

And someone said something about being able to tell the family about their loved ones' final moment. Many people do find that comforting. And they are also happy to know that their loved one wasn't alone.

Good job!