Is this odd to you too?

kellykelly · Feb 6, 2009

I've never heard of this before and I would have them call a funeral home to discuss their wishes. Of course mom has to be kept cool--do they think she's going to be kept under electric blankets?

I hate to judge without knowing them, but they don't sound like the sharpest bunch of folks.

Jolie, BSN · Feb 6, 2009

I know of families that have chosen not to embalm, but the body decomposes rather quickly, so they must hold funeral services and proceed to burial or cremation very soon. I have never heard of declining to cool the body. I would think that would require almost immediate burial.

gentlegiver, ASN, LPN, RN · Feb 6, 2009

my patient's family said that they do not want their mother sent to the cooler when she dies because "she is very cold-natured."

anyone ever heard of this before?

doesn't being very cold natured mean that she was mean/distant when alive?? how could putting in a cooler help her now??

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2009

In Judaism, we do not embalm bodies, nor do we autopsy them (unless required to by law, and even then, a Rabbi is to oversee that the body is treated respectfully and that all parts possible are returned to/with the body for burial). Bodies are seen to by a burial group, and are never left without someone in attendance. And they are supposed to buried before the sun sets on the body a second time. This is out of respect and to prevent desecration. They are wrapped in a plain linen shroud, no jewelry, no metal. Preferably no vault, and the coffin must have no metal parts - all must decay properly in nature and return to the dust of the earth, of which we were formed.

Muslims obey some of the same rules.

As far as not being in a cooler because one is "cold-natured", I do not know about that. Or refusing embalming because of "needles".

mom4josh · Feb 6, 2009

Doesn't being very cold natured mean that she was mean/distant when alive?? How could putting in a cooler help her now??

"Cold-natured" has always meant to me that they get cold easily (body-temp), nothing to do with relationships.

Flare, ASN, BSN · Feb 6, 2009

Some people view that things that need to be done to a body afterard will still cause pain or take a toll on a persons soul. If death is imminent, then this family ought to get on the horn to their funeral director and make arrangements to have the body picked up immediately after expiration - they can also make their request not to embalm. I have seen FH's do this before.

Caroladybelle - just curious - Are people of jewish faith generally not organ donors?

Valerie Salva, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2009

I had a pt whose family cautioned staff to move their mother's body very carefully because "she has a bad back."

This was a hospice pt. They also wanted an autopsy- even though the cause of death was well known.

They changed their minds about the autopsy when they learned that they would have to pay for it- but I wonder- would they have told the pathologist to "use the bone saw gently" because of the pt's bad back?

TopazLover, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2009

I recently went through the death of my husband. I remember having some of these same feelings. I never verbalized them as I recognized that they were crazy thoughts. My husband had many, many holes from IVs, blood cultures, and other draws. It did bother me that he would be placed in a cooler, alone in the cold.

Of course I knew this was a shell, an empty body. I just wanted him to be treated respectfully.

Perhaps the request seemed odd, but look at it another way. The family was having difficulties dealing with their loss. They focused on something that made them uncomfortable. The good news is that they felt comfortable enough with you to share these crazy thoughts. I never felt that comfortable, probably because I am a nurse.

Facing the death of a loved one is a humbling experience. It brings out some of our deepest, darkest fears. I don't know of any religious tenant to prevent use of a cooler, but there are many religions that do not want embalming. Pat yourself on the back that the family was comfortable enough to talk to you at all. Many just shut down and never get to talk about these kinds of fears and wants. I suspect they wanted their loved one comfortable in death. I can relate to that.

rph3664 · Feb 6, 2009

:icon_hug:

I recently went through the death of my husband. I remember having some of these same feelings. I never verbalized them as I recognized that they were crazy thoughts. My husband had many, many holes from IVs, blood cultures, and other draws. It did bother me that he would be placed in a cooler, alone in the cold.
Of course I knew this was a shell, an empty body. I just wanted him to be treated respectfully.
Perhaps the request seemed odd, but look at it another way. The family was having difficulties dealing with their loss. They focused on something that made them uncomfortable. The good news is that they felt comfortable enough with you to share these crazy thoughts. I never felt that comfortable, probably because I am a nurse.
Facing the death of a loved one is a humbling experience. It brings out some of our deepest, darkest fears. I don't know of any religious tenant to prevent use of a cooler, but there are many religions that do not want embalming. Pat yourself on the back that the family was comfortable enough to talk to you at all. Many just shut down and never get to talk about these kinds of fears and wants. I suspect they wanted their loved one comfortable in death. I can relate to that.

vashtee, RN · Feb 6, 2009

Caroladybelle - just curious - Are people of jewish faith generally not organ donors?

Organ donation is generally allowed for Jews as it is seen as preservation of life, which is an overriding principle of Jewish law.

talaxandra · Feb 6, 2009

It's easier, when we don't have a relationship with the deceased, to see the body as a shell, unrelated to the person it once held, but making that distinction is sometimes harder when it's personal.

I certainly understand wanting to protect someone, particularly someone who's already been subjected to a lot of intervention, from further measures. That said, like (((aknottedyarn))) said, thinking it's one thing, saying it another.

I'd be concerned that the family don't really understand what their requests would mean. That's also understandable - many people never see a dead body, and those that are seen are usually either viewed shortly after death or after embalming etc. But if they stick with it then there'd better be a funeral director ready to roll.

I thought of 'cold natured' as 'distant' but the alternate meaning certainly makes more sense in the context. And for all that I understand where they're coming from, I think it's all a little weird, too.