Funniest Patient Lie.....

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in med/surg.

So What is the Funniest Patient Lie You have Ever Heard....:lol2:

I have several but two for now! I had a patient who came in with an ice cream scooper up his rear and when I asked how it got their they stated that they fell on it! :jester: I guess the ice cream scooper was standing perfectly straight up and they feel perfectly on top of it!!

Another....

One time a patient came in with a whole orange down in her va jay jay...asked how it got there she said that it was supposed to cleanse her like douche. By the way her boyfriend was sitting at the bedside blushing so hard. I wanted to ask her if it was for sweet loving, but I held back my laughter :D. She ended up needing surgery!

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I had a guy come in with acute abdominal pain.....he went for his KUB and Upright and the rad tech escorted him back grinning for ear to ear......This guy had the largest carrot I had ever seen in his nether parts. I went back in to question him if he now had any known reason to had abdominal pain and he started crying "It was an accident, it was an accident":crying2:......I looked at him and before I could stop myself I said....."Sooo, you sere strolling through the kitchen butt naked and slipped and feel into the vegetable bin..." When he admitted he had a "friend over" that he was paying to visit and she lost her grip.......:smokin: but don't tell his fiance.

He had to have surgery for a perforated bowel......no one ate the carrot cake in the cafe for a month.:lol2:

Specializes in OB-L&D, Post partum, Nursery.

A pregnant woman came in thought the ED in labor, dilated to 7cm. She told the doc she couldn't be more than 27 weeks because her husband had been gone on job related training for about 16 weeks prior to that. We were prepared for this sick preemie (she had not seen a doctor nor told anyone she was pregnant). Baby weighed 7 1/2 pounds and gestational age assessment put him at 39 weeks. No one knew what to say to her husband, he stood by her and acted like nothing was amiss, I really admired him for not calling her out in public. I wondered if they stayed together?

Specializes in Hospice / Psych / RNAC.

Nothing that exciting but I would have loved to been there when Richard Gere came in the ER with a gerbil up his ah ha. Then there's the guy who holds (ouch) the record for largest object in the rectum which was a bowling pin. I hope they were able to spare his feelings.

Specializes in LTC.
Then there's the guy who holds (ouch) the record for largest object in the rectum which was a bowling pin. I hope they were able to spare his feelings.

:lol2::lol2::lol2:

Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

My neighbor, an ER doc, was telling me that when he was doing his residency in New Orleans a middle aged man came in w/ a shot glass stuck way up in his poop shute. The guy was from out of town and was attending a conference in the Big Easy. He ended up in surgery and was D/C's with a colostomy. Doc said he wondered what the heck the guy was going to say to his wife.

yeah, most of the lies i have heard had to do with things being where they had no business being-- bobby pins in urethras, memberes in vacuum cleaner hoses (this does not turn out well.... and if they recover the missing part from the bag it's usually too dirty and lint-y to reattach), shreds of cotton fibers stuck in tricuspid valves (figure it out, this is a cardiovascular question), and a vast assortment of objects per rectum (lightbulbs break if you try hard enough to remove them at home).

During an admission assessment a patient was asked how much alcohol he drank a day. The patient replied "I drink 2 beers a day". Two nights later when the patient was found naked under his hospital bed it was discovered that "2 beers a day" really meant "2 cases a day". Poor guy was d.t'ing and hallucinating like crazy.

Specializes in SICU.
yeah, most of the lies i have heard had to do with things being where they had no business being-- bobby pins in urethras, memberes in vacuum cleaner hoses (this does not turn out well.... and if they recover the missing part from the bag it's usually too dirty and lint-y to reattach), shreds of cotton fibers stuck in tricuspid valves (figure it out, this is a cardiovascular question), and a vast assortment of objects per rectum (lightbulbs break if you try hard enough to remove them at home).

i give up!!! do tell pleeeeease :)

no, you can figure it out.:idea: hints: follow the blood flow. where is the tricuspid valve? how does blood get there and from where? how would somebody get cotton fibers in that blood flow?

Specializes in SICU.

Injection drug users?

Specializes in Emergency; med-surg; mat-child.

I figure shooting up and the fibers are in the syringe from filtering out of the spoon.

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