Funniest Patient Lie.....

Nurses General Nursing

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So What is the Funniest Patient Lie You have Ever Heard....:lol2:

I have several but two for now! I had a patient who came in with an ice cream scooper up his rear and when I asked how it got their they stated that they fell on it! :jester: I guess the ice cream scooper was standing perfectly straight up and they feel perfectly on top of it!!

Another....

One time a patient came in with a whole orange down in her va jay jay...asked how it got there she said that it was supposed to cleanse her like douche. By the way her boyfriend was sitting at the bedside blushing so hard. I wanted to ask her if it was for sweet loving, but I held back my laughter :D. She ended up needing surgery!

Specializes in Emergency; med-surg; mat-child.

Nuts! Beaten to the punch.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.
I figure shooting up and the fibers are in the syringe from filtering out of the spoon.

That's my guess.

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ohiostudentrn gets full marks for figuring it out, but pockunit gets extra credit for knowing that junkies sometimes "filter" their juice. doncha just love cv?

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Specializes in Critical Care.

frequent flying drug addicted Pt calls me into her room

Pt: i just fell

me: you fell? are you hurt?

Pt: no, but i just called the dr. and he said since i fell i can have my IV pain medicine

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My pt, who had just hit the floor from the er w a dx of pneumonia and sob and was a pack per day smoker: "They told me downstairs that y'all have a patio... After we do this, can I walk to the patio?"

Me: "Didn't they put a Nicotine patch on your arm?"

Pt: "I didn't say I was going to smoke!" :-|

We run a smoke-free facility.

PS.. Thanks ER for that one! lol

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
frequent flying drug addicted Pt calls me into her room

Pt: i just fell

me: you fell? are you hurt?

Pt: no, but i just called the dr. and he said since i fell i can have my IV pain medicine

This reminds me of a FF we used to get. Came in frequently for weird stuff, all in the pursuit of pain meds (this was well-documented; and he'd been booted from 2 pain clinics....I never make that assumption about a patient without some solid evidence to back it up).

One time he had literally been to 3 ER's with abdominal pain. 3rd visit, the xray showed air in the rectal area; previous ones that DAY had been ok....we never found out for sure what he used/did to make that happen, but it was pretty clear it was self-inflicted. Anyway.

This particular visit was for a cat bite to the hand. It was infected (surprise surprise) from putting that hand in a fish tank (???). He'd been there before for this bite, too. Now, he and I always got along; I didn't put up with any BS but we did joke around, etc....No problems in that area. He called me down to his room because he had just "banged his hand on his bedside table" so he felt that he should have his pain meds early. I offered an ice pack....he declined.

Maybe not so much a lie (maybe he really DID bang his hand?) but falls under the dealing with BS issue. :)

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Not sure this qualifies for funny, but it was a pretty good lie....

Gomertose woman...Family had NO idea how she could possibly have a bullet in her brain. Never did find out what happened, but they denied it all- CT in front of them and all :uhoh3: I'm guessing one of them had been trigger happy :confused: Never ceases to amaze me that the friends/family of the shooter don't think they might get ticked at THEM..:eek: No evidence- just weird to deny a bullet on a CT, and have no info about how mama got lead poisoning :D

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Specializes in Intermediate care.
frequent flying drug addicted Pt calls me into her room

Pt: i just fell

me: you fell? are you hurt?

Pt: no, but i just called the dr. and he said since i fell i can have my IV pain medicine

YES!!! :yeah:

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Specializes in Trauma/ICU step-down.

I couldn't tell you how many GSW victims I've taken care of who were on their way to church, minding thier own business, when some guy shot them out of nowhere! Apparently going to church is dangerous!

Also, I recently had a guy with a BAL of 480 who swears up and down that he never drinks ETOH. Then he finally admitted to 2 beers. Turns out he was at a party with 5 kegs of some rotgut he was very specific/proud to tell me was 12.5% alcohol content.

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I couldn't tell you how many GSW victims I've taken care of who were on their way to church, minding thier own business, when some guy shot them out of nowhere! Apparently going to church is dangerous!

Also, I recently had a guy with a BAL of 480 who swears up and down that he never drinks ETOH. Then he finally admitted to 2 beers. Turns out he was at a party with 5 kegs of some rotgut he was very specific/proud to tell me was 12.5% alcohol content.

:hhmth:

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Specializes in Trauma/ICU step-down.

xtxrn: GOMERTOSE!!!!!! I'm so stealing that one! We say "turn and baste" over here...so going to H-E-double hockey sticks.....

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Specializes in Cardiac, PCU, Surg/Onc, LTC, Peds.

A male pt about 22 yrs old comes into the ED with an abcess on his LFA, I admit him and ask about the abcess he had an I & D done on the RFA the week before at a different hospital...for $hits and giggles I decided to play stupid and ask what caused these abcesses on both arms?

"It must have been spider bites". Um yeah.... okay then.

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