Dating a former patient

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hello,

I am an LPN in Canada working at a mental health facility. I met a patient nearly a year ago whom I had a totally unexpected connection with. It isn't something I was seeking out and never in a million years did it occur to me that something like that would happen. I explained at the time that it was inappropriate and crossing an ethical boundary. The patient understood. Now, that former patient is doing very well and doesn't have a long standing illness and are well into their recovery. It was a short admission and I would have only been in the circle of care. We have been talking and spending time together (initiated by him) and it is obvious that after all this time we would like to be with each other and are meant to be, regardless of the circumstances of how we initially came into contact, so we are now officially in a relationship. He is in university with a bright future and such a wonderful and kind person who just had a little episode. He comes from a wonderful family. I'm afraid my co-workers will judge me if they find out I'm dating an ex "mental patient" and that I will be the topic of gossip in the work place. How do I deal with this situation in a professional manner? As far as I can tell, I am doing nothing wrong. A significant amount of time has passed and their is no element of vulnerability.

Yes, many red flags, as others have commented. I have worked in mental health for over 13 years, and yes, I know mental health diagnoses are diseases. The problem is that these diseases have a high rate of reoccurrence. Hearing your story just makes me remember the RN who worked on my unit, the one who married her former MH patient. I don't remember anymore how long they were married. I am pretty sure it was less than 5 years. He murdered her.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Being a provider places you in a different role. It is not an equal footing. There is a dynamic there that can be tough to overcome in the reality of life.

That is true. I do have a close personal friend with a history of severe mental illness. But I was never her nurse; and she is not close friends with anyone who was. It is hard to change the caregiver relationship to one that is on equal footing. Also, she has a choice of what to disclose to me and what not to. If I had been her nurse, I would have seen her as she was then; that's where the vulnerability comes in.

I do have the same reservations with patients who are admitted for medical illness. But it doesn't seem to be an issue with the employers and licensing boards, so doesn't come with the same career risk. So I'm not saying people with mental illnesses are pariahs, just that caregivers need to be careful to maintain professional boundaries.

Look at it this way: is it ok for social workers to have personal relationships with their clients? What about psychiatrists? What about an older male psychiatrist and a young female patient? Where does the line get drawn? That's why some professions have a no personal relationship rule. Not because people with certain problems are "less than".

Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

Where I work we are discouraged from having any kind of social relationship with any former patient for a minimum of two years after they have been discharged. We do psych and I don't know why anyone would want to tie a psych tail to their kite but to each their own. Still there are serious boundary issues when it comes to dating former patients.

Hppy

Specializes in Critical care.

As soon as I saw the title of the post I thought .... mental health ..... bingo! I was right!

Where I work we are discouraged from having any kind of social relationship with any former patient for a minimum of two years after they have been discharged. We do psych and I don't know why anyone would want to tie a psych tail to their kite but to each their own. Still there are serious boundary issues when it comes to dating former patients.

Hppy

Yup. My place has the same policy. 2 years before you can socialize with a former patient.

Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

You made a post & have become defensive so you know what you're doing is wrong.

The thing with psych patients is we are never completely, 100% healed. With patients in the ER, unless they have a chronic condition, you won't see them again.

Just because that psych came in once doesn't mean he won't be back. A lot of us psych patients relapse & end up in the hospital for care more than once. He might not be in the hospital now but it's only a matter of time.

It is clear you can't work in psych, you should find a different speciality.

Also, a lot of psych patients like to take advantage of other patients or the nurses/techs. You could be getting taken advantage of & don't even know it.

What you do in yourpersonal life IS your own business. However, YOU started this thread sharing your personal life, asking for others opinions. Did you honestly think everyone would answer with rainbows and skittles and agree with your decisions? You would not have posted this if you truly thought you would get all positive feedback...

I agree with others that this is highly unethical regardless of how long it has been since he has been a patient. If you proceed with this relationship then you have to be prepared to accept whatever professional and personal consequences come your way. And the mere fact that you are so upset that no one here has agreed with you tells me that you are in no way prepared for this.

Best of luck OP

It sounds messy and fraught with "what ifs", but I will give the OP the benefit of the doubt.

I would change jobs, honestly. There is no way to broach this subject professionally at your work. At the very least, it brings up some serious questions. If I were the other person, I would not want my mental health constantly brought up or speculated upon at my partners work.

You keep repeating this like your ancedotal evidence somehow carries weight. I once cared for a paraplegic who liked to marry his nurses. He went through three in seven years. I also know a burn nurse who married a burn victim and they divorced pretty quickly. So what?

There ARE official rules and unofficial good ideas that enforce boundaries on extra-circular nurse-patient relationships, yes. But the basis should be the same for medical and psychiatric patients. Not all psychiatric patients are inherently more vulnerable than all medical/surgical patients by virtue of their illness. That is the stigmatizing belief.

If he's not a ticking time bomb in your mind, than why talk about how he's "not out of the woods yet" ?

Well, I personally enjoy having other nurse-friends in my workplace. It makes my job much more enjoyable and I certainly don't need you to tell me that it makes me a less effective provider.

I do agree that a nurse who constantly blurs the nurse/patient boundary with multiple patients has some issues, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. You haven't specifically mentioned any other red flags pertinent to the OP.

I feel like you're taking this really personally. We're talking about someone who was inpatient. Not someone needing an antidepressant and was romantically interested in the doctor office nurse. To me, an inpatient psych patient is, generally speaking, incredibly vulnerable. And that's not a stigma unless you consider vulnerability to be a negative thing.

I have mental health struggles, too. I take a ridiculous amount of medications just to feel like a normal, functioning person. I get it - I really do. But there is a big difference to me between outpatient treatment vs. inpatient.

But you can take that with a grain of salt, I'm not even a nurse yet.

FORMER patient.

I feel like once they WERE my patient, they will always BE my patient. For example, if I ran into one of them in a supermarket, I would think to myself, "Oh. I know her. There's my patient."

That said, it seems like your mind is already made up. Not sure why you posted if you are just going to do what you want anyway.

Best of luck :-) It IS a sticky situation, (which you are aware) and I wish you well.

Specializes in Thoracic Cardiovasc ICU Med-Surg.

For the record, I think that any nurse who married her paraplegic patient is extremely unethical, has no sense of boundaries, and deserves to lose his/her license.

OP. There are sever boundary issues here. Your patient for tracking you down. You for agreeing to meet.

I don't know what nursing school you all went to but in mine it was made CLEAR. You don't date patients. EVER.

I'd say go for it, but find another job to be safe. Gossip is stupid. That is ever less professional.

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