Dating a former patient

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hello,

I am an LPN in Canada working at a mental health facility. I met a patient nearly a year ago whom I had a totally unexpected connection with. It isn't something I was seeking out and never in a million years did it occur to me that something like that would happen. I explained at the time that it was inappropriate and crossing an ethical boundary. The patient understood. Now, that former patient is doing very well and doesn't have a long standing illness and are well into their recovery. It was a short admission and I would have only been in the circle of care. We have been talking and spending time together (initiated by him) and it is obvious that after all this time we would like to be with each other and are meant to be, regardless of the circumstances of how we initially came into contact, so we are now officially in a relationship. He is in university with a bright future and such a wonderful and kind person who just had a little episode. He comes from a wonderful family. I'm afraid my co-workers will judge me if they find out I'm dating an ex "mental patient" and that I will be the topic of gossip in the work place. How do I deal with this situation in a professional manner? As far as I can tell, I am doing nothing wrong. A significant amount of time has passed and their is no element of vulnerability.

Not lashing out, just upset at the fact that there is a lack of support.

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For better or worse, the responses that you're getting from this forum will likely be similar to the responses you'll get from your coworkers and employer. As others have expressed, your coworkers/employers may believe that the only way to "deal with the situation in a professional manner" is not to be in this situation at all.

That said, since you seem to feel strongly about continuing this relationship, it would probably be in your best interest to get a new job (and probably unfriend your current coworkers on Facebook). I haven't worked in Canada, but there are certainly places in the US where this could be considered grounds for termination even if it isn't explicitly spelled out in your policies. If you were to get fired because your employer views this as an unprofessional relationship (which many people do, as evidenced by the opinions of prior posters), you'd have to explain the situation on all future job applications which could seriously hurt your career.

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A few of my co workers know and are telling me to not freak out about it and don't see it as a big deal. I've also read other threads on here where nurses were dating there current patients and ! Which I think it absolutley wrong. I feel like what I do in my personal life is my own business. I'm getting mixed messages.

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FORMER patient. I see no policies stating this is an issue. I also had a nursing instructor who married one of her patients! It upsets me that there is a blanket policy on all of this. No authority can dictate my life. As for my professionalism, I am a highly respected nurse in my field and work with great compassion and competency. The fact that all of you are so disgusted makes me question your stigma. If it was a patient arrived to the ER with a broken arm and the same situation transpired, I doubt you would all have the same take on this. Right now, I'm saddened to think I work with people such as all of you.

I agree with what others have said about this being an inappropriate relationship, especially since it involves a psych patient. Psych diagnoses can take a very long time to stabilize or resolve, if ever.

I'm also familiar with nursing in Canada, and the conservative nature of the various provincial nursing associations. Maybe you should contact the nursing association in Quebec (OIIQ, if that's correct?), and ask what's appropriate according to their standards? They may be able to provide guidance about your relationship. It may also be helpful in case a coworker/colleague reports you because they believe your actions are inappropriate.

I think you inquired about this issue here because in some way you're apprehensive about what you're doing, and you needed assurance. I hope you find peace with your decision.

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Specializes in school nurse.
Not lashing out, just upset at the fact that there is a lack of support.

There is a lack of support because people don't agree with it.

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I'm not going to discuss whether I think this is right or wrong. That's on you in the end. I am, however, curious as to how this relationship occurred. Also, what dx he had.

Im a RN at an acute psych inpatient. I, for one, would never allow a personal relationship with a pt or former pt. No matter the circumstances.

Our facility does not allow for our last name to be shown, specifically so a pt cannot follow/contact us outside of treatment. It's for our own safety.

How did this relationship happened? Specially if you told him it wasn't acceptable?

also, was he a MDD, schizoaffective, bipolar manic? theres different degrees for mental illness. I feel like what you have originally posted left a lot of questions.

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A few of my co workers know and are telling me to not freak out about it and don't see it as a big deal. I've also read other threads on here where nurses were dating there current patients and ! Which I think it absolutley wrong. I feel like what I do in my personal life is my own business. I'm getting mixed messages.

Then, why share your story :?

Well, if the OP's situation is for real, then, pretty much what other posters said: it is ethically wrong. No "but" about it. From how you met to how you re-connect, there are several danger signs. :banhappy:

Ultimately, OP, the choice is yours. But, keep in mind: you started this thread and people are voicing their opinions (along with facts). Not all feedback will be in favor of you dating a former patient, especially one who was a patient just a year ago (if not less than :/).

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Specializes in Adult Internal Medicine.
It upsets me that there is a blanket policy on all of this.

No authority can dictate my life.

As for my professionalism, I am a highly respected nurse in my field and work with great compassion and competency.

The fact that all of you are so disgusted makes me question your stigma. Right now, I'm saddened to think I work with people such as all of you.

My two cents.

First, I disagree that in any way it is "right" for your coworkers to judge or gossip about you. That is just not professional. They may question your professionalism and you may lose some professional respect, but hat is not a blanket excuse for co-workers to gossip. That's just trash.

Second, I can only assume you came here to get the opinions of other nurses not personally connected to your situation. As most have suggested, when you take the personal component out of this and look at just the facts, there are some ethical concerns. There is a blanket policy not because of stigma but because of the importance of protecting both the nurse and the patient. You mention that you are highly respected and, honestly, that professionalism will be questioned. You have had a glimpse of what how your nursing colleagues feel about it. There is no legal issue here (at least by US standards) but there is an ethical one, and you need to decide if you can personally and professionally accept that or not.

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Specializes in ED, Pedi Vasc access, Paramedic serving 6 towns.

You are playing with fire and may get burned, just keep that in mind!

Annie

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I live in a very small area. We have mutual friends. The occurrence of a dual relationship (nurse and personal) Can be highly likely. And t has indeed been a year.

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.
FORMER patient. I see no policies stating this is an issue. I also had a nursing instructor who married one of her patients! It upsets me that there is a blanket policy on all of this. No authority can dictate my life. As for my professionalism, I am a highly respected nurse in my field and work with great compassion and competency. The fact that all of you are so disgusted makes me question your stigma. If it was a patient arrived to the ER with a broken arm and the same situation transpired, I doubt you would all have the same take on this. Right now, I'm saddened to think I work with people such as all of you.

Several of the negative responses here have been from nurses who actually have mental health diagnoses themselves. I'm not sure how you can blame that on mental health having a stigma. A patient in the ER with a broken arm is NOT the same as a patient who is being treated inpatient for a mental health concern. There are ethical issues with this. Proceed with caution.

And if you are saddened to think that you with with people such as all of the respondents here, well, just notice that you are very much in the minority with your position here. Maybe posing the scenario to a group of nurses isn't going to get you the answer that you apparently wanted.

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I also have a mental health diagnosis. And I would hate for someone to be told that they can't associate with me because of it.

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