backstabbers, 2-faced coworkers

  1. Ya know, I am so appalled with what I witness at my hospital. I dont trust anyone, and it is upsetting. I see 2 people talking, laughing, being buddies. The next day, one of them will be talking trash about the other one, then the next day is buddy-buddy with that person again. EVERYONE does it. A new hire just told me a few things that she heard said about me and my nursing. It really hurt my feelings and makes me question myself. I have a hard time with self-esteem anyway, I dont need that. I always pitch in to help everyone, running down their beeping IV pumps, helping their pt to the bathroom, etc. I truely try to get along with everyone. Its even worse with the "shift wars". I want a new job so badly, but its probably the same way in every hospital. I hope not. Its hard working in that type of atmosphere.
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    About chenoaspirit

    Joined: Sep '03; Posts: 1,043; Likes: 712
    HomeHealth Case Manager; from US
    Specialty: 4.5 years Med/Surg, currently HomeHealth


  3. by   SuesquatchRN
    Smile and walk away. Don't ask for further details, clarification of what was said, nothing. I had a similar situation in my last place and all you can do is be the one who never, ever rises to the bait. I know, it's hard not to, but keep your mouth shut and your head held high and walk right through the nonsense.

    Hang tough, girl.
  4. by   PeachPie
    I think that the biggest problems erupt when people try to be buddy-buddy. I live by this essay and it's done wonders for me.
  5. by   Soup Turtle
    I figure most people don't really mean half the things they say, so I try not to take things personally. I also try not to pass the negative things on and to diffuse negative "situations" between others when I can. I'm not a nurse, but every place I've worked has been the way you describe yours as being.
  6. by   spiceyqueen
    Quote from PeachPie
    I think that the biggest problems erupt when people try to be buddy-buddy. I live by this essay and it's done wonders for me.
    Hey that is a vey good goal when i go to work is make sure that my patients are well cared for, that i respect my fellow nurses and othe proffesionals, and i do my best to make sure i am satisfied in my job. and if anyone has an issue with that, tough.. i try to ensure i am proffesional to my collegues. i avoid the tea room *****-fest at all cost.
    I learnt a few things in boarding school. if a person A comes and tells me that person B said nasty stuff about me i keep quiet and ask what they themselves said in contribution to what person B said( but i do not wait for the answer either), just say excuse me and keep on with the task at hand
    chenoaspirit- most organisations are like that... no matter how unacceptable it is, it is to the extent that it is almost normal
  7. by   chenoaspirit
    Thanks guys for the advice. It just really hurt my feelings. It hurt my self-esteem although I know it shouldnt. I was looking for another job because of this, but if its like that everywhere, then I guess it is pointless. Its sad how people can be.
  8. by   Jo Dirt
    If you're a nurse you will be dealing with backstabbers daily. It really makes me sick how two-faced people can be, and I'm more of a bitter and jaded person because of it.
  9. by   nurseangel47
    Wet hen syndrome! Seems like it's mostly a female to female thing. No flames for generalizing, please! Women can be awfully catty and territorial when it comes to sharing nursing units. I hate it for us. Makes me sad and bitter, too. Why can't we all get along? I'd rather go in and get the job done, too, rather than worry about feelings, either mine, or someone else's because in the end, we're there for the pts., only. Or supposed to be anyway. I try to concentrate on the job to be done and really, none of us should have the extra time on our hands to contribute nor be the object of gossip. People can be downright malicious, especially if they're generally unhappy and bring it to the workplace. Unfortunate for the patients. It has robbed me of very precious time and energy before when I do let it bother me. Just block out everything other than clinical information gathering/actions. That should help.
  10. by   RN 4 U
    I don't care where you go, how good you are or how bad you are, one thing that i have learned is that there is always going to be someone that talks about you. You have no control over those things. My advice to you is to hold your head up high and go on about your business. Be the better and bigger person. If your coworkers want to act childish then let them, have no part in it. You will be respected by others in return. I too am new to nursing and have somewhat experienced others telling me negative things about someone else. Who am I to judge or to take their word. I take a neutral stance when I hear these things, the same people who might be talking about someone might just be talking about me too. You just never know. I am there to work and to get along with my co-workers and if i can't do that then i just do not deal with them if at all possible. Starting wars at work is non-sense and childish. Have no part in it and hold your head up high.
  11. by   withasmilelpn
    I honestly don't care any more what people think about me. I know what kind of nurse I am. When I was younger, I did care - way too much. You really do have to wake up though, some time, and realize that you are not going to be liked by everyone nor like everyone you work with.
    You really have to let it go and just do your best.
    Peachpie that essay was great! I'm going to share it with my co-workers, some of whom can learn a few things from it!
  12. by   RNsRWe
    Probably a sad statement, but this is in no way unique to nursing or hospital environments. Every company I've worked for (both huge and small) have had similar environments. People are people wherever you go.

    Best you can do is rise above it, and do whatever you need to to maintain your own mental health and dignity at work.
  13. by   Tweety
    You are going to find people who gossip and talk about their coworkers wherever you go.

    I choose my battles. There are times when it's not worth the effort and other times I need to speak up.

    I don't allow other people's opinions of me and my work effect how I think about my self.

    You are giving other people entirely too much space in your head and control over how you feel about yourself. It's good that your self aware that you have self-esteem problems, but what are you going to do about it? I grew up in a household where self-esteem wasn't fostered and was a bullied kid. So as an adult self-esteem issues were a biggie with me.

    Instead of asking the world around me to change, or running from job to job, place to place (not that there isn't a time to leave) I had to change my insides and how I preceive the world, and how I look at myself.

    Good luck.
  14. by   Grace Oz
    work on building your self esteem and don't give the gossips the time of day. boring people gossip. walk away from boring people. and the older you get, the easier it becomes. trust me, i know!
    good luck!