Appropriate to go to funeral?

oldladyRN · Sep 20, 2008

I don't think it would be inappropriate at all. However, I would go in clothing that would be appropriate for a church setting, and not wear scrubs. If your relationship was that close w/the family, I would certainly not think it out of line to attend her services.

SarahRN123 · Sep 20, 2008

If you feel the need to go then you should go

nightmare, RN · Sep 20, 2008

I agree with oldladyRN go but do not wear scrubs.

Blee O'Myacin, BSN, RN · Sep 20, 2008

I took care of a patient all of last week.
She was a retired nurse. Very, very sweet lady. She was dying. I work on a PCU unit. She was transfered to our unit from the ICU. Where I work, the PCU is considered critical care (we get MI's, post cardiac caths, pacers, vents, etc.)
She had 3 sons and granddaughters who who very sweet. They all decided to put her to a DNR/CC status with palliative care. They requested that she stay on our floor, which is unusual because they typically go upstairs until they pass. We granted their wishes and put them in the nicest room we had and made it "homey" the best we could for them. Her family would hug me every night when I'd report off and thank me for my care.
She passed away on Thursday with her very loving family at her bedside.
Her calling hours are tomorrow. I would like to go since I was her primary nurse. Is this inappropriate? I plan on just stopping in for a few minutes and paying my respects. I'd like to wear my scrubs since she always commented how pretty they were.
Is this inappropriate? What would you guys do?
Is this inappropriate?

I wouldn't go. There have been plenty of patients that I had taken care of longterm, had grown to respect, admire and like - but I feel that the funeral is the time for the family & friends to say goodbye, without reminders of the hospital. If I didn't maintain my professional distance, I'd have lost my mind by now.

I agree with the others, if you do decide to go, scrubs are inappropriate.

Blee

lsyorke, RN · Sep 20, 2008

I have gone to MANY of my patients funerals. The families are very appreciative. I think it gives them some peace of mind knowing that you weren't just "doing your job", but truly cared about the deceased. I would not hesitate to go to a patients funeral.

flightnurse2b, LPN · Sep 20, 2008

i personally have only been to three funerals for patients, one was a young girl, one a teenage boy and one an elderly man, all that i had formed some relationship with either transporting them back and forth to the hospital or taking care of them in the ED often...

i think the funeral is actually alot harder because you are out of your element and you don't have your "game face" on anymore... it was hard for me. i felt kind of out of place. i havent gone to a funeral in probably 3 or 4 years now, i think i am more at peace with just leaving it at the door, for my own sanity. the families are very appreciative, but i think seeing me there only bought back memories of the patient when they were ill. after attending those 3 services, i agree with blee... i need to keep my professional distance.

but i agree that if you feel the need to go, then go... it is a lovely gesture.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Sep 20, 2008

I have no issues with going. When I was a psych tech 20 years ago, I attended the funeral of a client and was glad to have gone, because I was close to him.

I am an African American female living in an urban area. It has been acceptable to come to give respects to the deceased in work uniforms, because many times, we are just hearing about it within the same day or day before, and in this culture, people are more appreciative that one has come at all. If you are questioning whether you should wear scrubs or not, then, you just shouldn't...maybe it is already an unspoken rule in your community or the culture of that family that work attire is inappropriate...similar to how people scorn those who come to weddings wearing black.

ilstu99 · Sep 20, 2008

I think you examine the reasons behind your desire to attend the funeral, and make a decision from there.

Do you want to go because you want to tell the family how much you enjoyed your time with their loved one? If so...then that's about you. If you want to tell them that, even though it was a short time, their loved one was a remarkable person and she spoke of them with love and appreciation...then it's for them and their comfort and would be a lovely gesture.

I would not attend in scrubs. Even if she liked them, it's disrespectful, in my opinion.

military spouse · Sep 20, 2008

We had a man that was frequently admitted and discharged from our hospital and finally stayed to die. Two of the nurses became close to him and they attended his memorial and funeral. His friends/family were very appreciative. I think it reinforces that somebody cared about that person--even in a professional setting.

Eirene, ASN, RN · Sep 20, 2008

I've decided that I'm going to attend the calling hours. Five minutes in and out to pay my respects. We live in a small community and I really believe the family would appreciate it. I stated funeral in my post when I meant calling hours. I'm sorry about that!

I've also layed out a white scrub skirt with a white scrub top. I'm going to iron them this evening.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Sep 20, 2008

I've decided that I'm going to attend the calling hours. Five minutes in and out to pay my respects. We live in a small community and I really believe the family would appreciate it. I stated funeral in my post when I meant calling hours. I'm sorry about that!
I've also layed out a white scrub skirt with a white scrub top. I'm going to iron them this evening.

I think you are doing the right thing, because your heart is in it. Pay your respects and leave. Wearing your scrubs, in my opinion shows nursing representation. No issues, here! :yeah: