another jolly assignment - page 2

pt 1 postop-wants a private room so i can be his private nurse so we can do private things. he tells me hes rich as though thats going to persuade me. i have one hell of a time getting out of his... Read More

  1. by   Chuckie
    Last edit by Chuckie on Jan 17, '03
  2. by   dawngloves
    <pt who $hit in lid of dinner plate>
    I saw someone do this!! I was laughing so hard and so busy getting people to come over to see, I couldn't stop him!!
  3. by   ClariceS
    This is great! Glad you survived.
    We recently had one here who, while trying to make a pipe bomb, blew his own arm off. Brilliant. But what made it even funnier that morning was when I got report from his previous nurse. She grew up speaking another language and still struggles with English at times. She tried to make a funny about him being "allergic to pipe bombs" but messed up the joke so that it was hard to keep a straight face walking into the room.

    Had another one that same shift that had been in a car accident - classic closed head injury. He was finally doing well enough that we had been able to leave restraints off for over 24 hours without him pulling everything out. He was also at the point where he would cuss royally at everything and everyone (thankfully not loudly since he had a trach). We had him right by the desk but apparently took our eyes off him for a second when we heard wheezing. We rushed in and sure enough, he had pulled his trach. I said, "you should have left that alone". For the first time since he had been awake enough to talk, he didn't cuss but started crying and said "I didn't mean to do it!" I think he thought we were going to restrain him again. Thankfully, he didn't have any breathing problems and they left the trach out. He was cussing again (now we could hear him) by the time the doctor had left the room.

    I love nursing!
  4. by   RyanRN
    Oh how funny you guys!

    Hoolahad, knit one, perl two, LOL that had to be a COPDer!

    Introduced myself to a sweet LOL, slightly confused as I was adjusting her cardiac monitor, Hi my name is Ryan. The IVAC started beeping on the other side of the bed, walked over there, she looked at me and said "who are you", said Ryan. She looked puzzled and said "there are TWO of you here tonight!".

    Then there was the > 300 proud pre op women who walked to her bed, undressed, put her pjs on, fussed over her bed, table, got herself all situation then hammered the call light because she wasn't comfortable in the bed. Told her to move up, her response "YOU move me up, that's YOUR job"!! Gotta love em.

    Your humble servent!
  5. by   PhantomRN
    Quote: "Enjoy those patients. The ones that don't talk are the hardest to take care of."

    I am with you Zee_RN tubed and sedated is the way to go. It is when they get extubated is when they are hell on wheels.

    Nothing quite like having an assignment full of COPD'ers who wont leave on their O's, ETOH's who need ativan Q1hr and postops who whine.

    I had a stroke who was a couple days out a while back. She was a wild woman, off course we cant sedate CVAs so we just do what we can. She was trying to climb as fast as we could get her back to bed, despite the fact she had right sided flaccidity. She could not understand a word we said and she only had garbled language. That wasnt too bad.

    I put her out in the hall by the nurses station and she was good until the doc came up and started talking to her with that she threw back her johnny stuck her hand in her crouch and then stuck her hand in his face. I laughed till I cried.

    I had another CVA who I brought out to the nureses station because of climbing etc. Anyway I walked over and asked how she was doing, she did not respond to me. I went and sat down and soon I hear her talking...........I look and......she is talking to the IV pole.....she is having a very one sided conversation.......pretty soon she askes the IV pole "Why arent you answering me?"

    It gets better. After the pole dont respond she looks away for about a minute and then says......."What did you say?.........ah Oh that is ok, I must not of heard you the first time." The conversation between them two lasted a long while.
  6. by   oramar
    What is crumping?
  7. by   Charles S. Smith, RN, MS
    Well, I remember coming back to the ICU after 4 nites off and got assigned to a "sweet little 96 y/o man". It was a set up! Everyone had taken care of him but me. He rings his call bell, I dutifully go to the room and slide open the glass doors, pull back the curtain only to have a full uninal sail past my head! He is naked in the bed on his knees cackling at the top of his lungs (and my colleagues in the background just howling). Perfectly in his right mind, he liked to toss his urinal and full bedpan at nurses for fun! I guess at 96 you take your laughs where you can get them....
    my best
  8. by   Huganurse
    I always get a kick out of the patients who are in the hospital yelling CALL 911, CALL 911!!
  9. by   P_RN
    crumping: crashing, circling the drain, pushing the button for the celestial elevator, going down the hatch....when the nurses yells "OH SHJT" and you know what room.......
  10. by   Furball
    Originally posted by Huganurse
    I always get a kick out of the patients who are in the hospital yelling CALL 911, CALL 911!!

    I actually had a pt calling 911 on ME!!! He was reporting that his nurse was stealing his car!! That police, almost report, was funny. The officer was cute too..... we made his day, a ficticious crime.
  11. by   thisnurse
    i have to laff at you least they were all continent...
    ok well yeah THEY were. not the case the night before.
    i had a patient gi bleed, cdiff...what a wonderful smell...incontinent of stool and urine. poop down to her toes. again and again and again. i got to give her an enema....dont ask me why...she sure as hell didnt need it.
    another patient needed the bedpan. she said "i stink so bad i cant stand myself" well...thats what i was thinking.
    she was also incontinent of urine. one time she woke up and peed in two styrofoam cups. her intentions were much better than her aim. i had to change her sheets three times.
    for the grand finale another patient climbed over the siderails, **** on the floor, fell in it and layed there. the docs found him. four of them stood around looking at him on the floor. one of them grabbed a nurse who came and got me and we picked him up. the other nurse, me and one doc. the other docs were clearly "disturbed" lol my whole upper torso was covered in ****. cdiff ****. ppl in the hall were gagging. so we get this guy back in bed. he is all covered with poop and blood (ripped out his iv as well) and the other nurse leaves. im in there alone with poop man...i cant turn him by myself to clean him and i have no supplies. i had to walk out in the hall covered in poop...the nurse who had promised to be right back was chatting merrily with the other staff who were oh-so-glad he wasnt their patient. she asked me if we had alcohol so she could clean her SHOES. i hope she wasnt upset that i didnt go in the supply room and look for it.
    i asked an assistant to bring me in some linnens...not to help me clean him, just get me some linens. she suddenly got busy and never came.
    it was of course, change of shift. i grabbed one of my assistant friends and she helped me clean him up..she hadnt even started yet.
    and naturally gi bleed lady had another big one for me.
    so im sorry i cant count my continent

    and as far as having only four have GOT to be kidding. i have been running 7-8 with no assistant..high acuity..and 12 with an assistant...even higher acuity.
    lol...four patients...maybe in icu or something but sure as hell not on my unit.
  12. by   Zee_RN
    "Crumping" or "crumped" is a term commonly used to describe a patient who just plain went bad (at least in my unit)..."He crumped and we had to intubate." So the Unit itself was crumping that night...
  13. by   Lisah
    Good for you, you survived, the typical night shift. just the other night had one guy on hourly injections of morphine, he sets his watch to alarm every hour so he doesn't sleep through a dose, got a 15 year old who decides he is gonna sign himself out and punches the orderly in the nose, got 2 pshych pt's in the same room one with diarrhea that she thinks is a punishment that her roomate has inflicted on her and the other a schizo who swears she doesn't hear voices but can't stop talking to the wall, and thinks her call bell is God talking to her each time she rings, in the other room 2 little old ladies that think they have come to the hotel, and they will speak to whomever is in charge in the morning because they can not get their rest with the other pt.'s making noise and when they are quite the nurses keep waking them for IV antibiotics, vitals etc... How inconsiderate. Know where your coming from, glad you can laugh about it and give us all a laugh as well.