"What do you need Christmas off for? You don't have kids!" (rant)

[Marie_LPN, RN]

It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.

Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire

It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.

I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."

In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

The request for Christmas off doesn't bother me as much as the implication that I don't matter because I have no children. Kids come first of course, but not when the parents imply that my feelings are meaningless in order to get what they want/need. If that was taken out of the equation I would be more willing to accomodate parents.

It's troublesome that children are often the reason the childless find themselves doing extra work, but there is no counterbalance. Pretty much all the requests are absolutely justified...but the feeling of always giving and not getting is hard after 10-15 years. If anyone out there really wants Christmas off I suggest they bring their single pals some leftover Thanksgiving dinner- we never cook a spread like that for one. Or get them involved in your family activities- invite them to a kids ball game- we look like pedophiles if we take an interest and we don't have kids in the school. Take them on your Christmas shopping trip with the kids.

Just my feelings on the subject.

[UnderpaidNurse]

The request for Christmas off doesn't bother me as much as the implication that I don't matter because I have no children. Kids come first of course, but not when the parents imply that my feelings are meaningless in order to get what they want/need. If that was taken out of the equation I would be more willing to accomodate parents.

It's troublesome that children are often the reason the childless find themselves doing extra work, but there is no counterbalance. Pretty much all the requests are absolutely justified...but the feeling of always giving and not getting is hard after 10-15 years. If anyone out there really wants Christmas off I suggest they bring their single pals some leftover Thanksgiving dinner- we never cook a spread like that for one. Or get them involved in your family activities- invite them to a kids ball game- we look like pedophiles if we take an interest and we don't have kids in the school. Take them on your Christmas shopping trip with the kids.

Just my feelings on the subject.

When I first was married my husband was in the Navy so holidays were always held over until he returned from overseas or whatever bum fudged part of the planet they were in at the time. After he got out we both found ourselves in the restaurant industry and had a family. We lucked out because they usually closed early on holidays except for NY's eve, and I was happy to be off the streets and working on that night. When I bartended a lot of my coworkers wanted to work Christmas eve night and christmas day night because the tips were incredible, and I was more than happy to allow them to have fun on New Years while I raked in the cash. Everyone was happy. Now that I am in nursing school, I realize that my work schedule will follow in the same footsteps, as when my husband was in the Navy. I have discussed this with my daughter and she completely understands and really likes the idea of having our celebration when both parents are home, no matter what day. As everyone has said, its not the date that matters, but what the meaning/spirit of the season represents. So to all the seasoned nurses, not all of us newbies are clueless as to what our hours will be, and hopefully all the newbies won't ever try and use the whole " but I have kids" trip to get off.

In all honesty, I would rather be able to be at my daughters games or plays throughout the year than on one or two days that only come once a year. Just my humble opinion .

[psalm, RN]

...when I worked retail at Penney's, we would have a sign-up list for who WANTED to work Christmas eve, new year's eve and new year's day. If the schedule wasn't filled up then the dept. boss would schedule you wherever you fit. Maybe if NM had a similar sign-up sheet there would be less grumbling.

...and no one has to have an excuse for a day off, Marie. Again, I am glad you are going where you can have some r&r&r&r

rest

relax

reflect

regroup (with your family)

.......jackie53

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

As for being with your parents on Christmas, it's not the same. If I didn't have children, having Christmas late or early wouldn't be as big of deal.

However, the little children will be so upset without their moms or dads present to share the joy of Christmas morning. Just think how you would feel if your mom or dad wasn't at home on Christmas day when you were little.

As for the selling, I hate fundraisers! However, the children are not allowed to go door to door anymore. That is the reason the parents take the brochures to work.

Just think how I would feel if my mom or dad wasn't home on Christmas day when I was little?

Hmmmmm,

Since my father was in Vietnam/on an aircraft carrier, serving our country for most of the holidays when I was young, I guess I do know how it feels.

It was a part of life that I accepted. Not good nor bad but something to deal with as life should be.

He also got paid alot less than nurses do, and at times was deployed for 8-10 monthes or more...which in the early 70s meant no time off, no cell phone calls, no video greetings, nothing but an ocasional package, letter,or once every few monthes, a short phone call.

My holiday present was knowing that he was still alive.

Sorry, but your children can learn to deal with Christmas a day or two later. There are children that will not see a parent AT ALL during the holiday season, nor hear from them, due to them being in the danger zone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

For some of the posters, a question to the attached/with kids.

As far as bringing brochures to work, when was the last time that you did something nice for one of your single friends, unexpectedly. You know, the single friends that bought you wedding presents/shower gifts/brochure stuff from your kids. When did you last buy/make them a house warming gift. Took them to dinner as just the girls/guys and spent time with them...without the kids/spouse around...or showed them the attention that they pay to you/your family/your needs.

When did you hold a housewarming party for the single friend that gave you shower presents, put up with you when you were bride/groomzilla, and dealt with you when you went nuts over every little pain during pregnancy?

Just an idea.

[sunnyjohn]

Gosh I so feel your pain Only this year I'm the "evil" one that is preventing a first time mom from being at home celebrating her childs first xmas.(other people are off this day, but I'm the only one with no kids that is working her shift, thus I guess the ONLY one capable of switching) Well I have 2 step children but have been told that "they don't count as they already have their "real" mother there to celebrate with them..." (yes isn't that nice? ) I wasn't evil the past 2 Christmases because I worked them. One year I was kind of "guilt tripped" but I didn't mind too much. I now realize that this will happen every year if I let it. This new mom isn't the one giving me the guilt trip...it's the other staff! If they care so much...let them switch! Especially after being told that my stepchildren "don't count".

SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID THIS OUT LOUD???

[MamaTheNurse, BSN, RN]

Gosh I so feel your pain Only this year I'm the "evil" one that is preventing a first time mom from being at home celebrating her childs first xmas.(other people are off this day, but I'm the only one with no kids that is working her shift, thus I guess the ONLY one capable of switching) Well I have 2 step children but have been told that "they don't count as they already have their "real" mother there to celebrate with them..." (yes isn't that nice? ) I wasn't evil the past 2 Christmases because I worked them. One year I was kind of "guilt tripped" but I didn't mind too much. I now realize that this will happen every year if I let it. This new mom isn't the one giving me the guilt trip...it's the other staff! If they care so much...let them switch! Especially after being told that my stepchildren "don't count".

that's pretty gutsy for someone to actually say to you - I know of at least 2 nurses who have full custody (with their husband) of their stepkids and are more of a mother to their stepkids than their biological mother was or ever will be.....

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

I'm not even going there. For those who have read all of my comments, you will know that I do completely agree with Marie_LPN, but as a parent can undertand other's wish to be home. However, some people come across way too rude, and very discriminatory in their actions.

Have a wonderful day.

Just think how I would feel if my mom or dad wasn't home on Christmas day when I was little?

Hmmmmm,

Since my father was in Vietnam/on an aircraft carrier, serving our country for most of the holidays when I was young, I guess I do know how it feels.

It was a part of life that I accepted. Not good nor bad but something to deal with as life should be.

He also got paid alot less than nurses do, and at times was deployed for 8-10 monthes or more...which in the early 70s meant no time off, no cell phone calls, no video greetings, nothing but an ocasional package, letter,or once every few monthes, a short phone call.

My holiday present was knowing that he was still alive.

Sorry, but your children can learn to deal with Christmas a day or two later. There are children that will not see a parent AT ALL during the holiday season, nor hear from them, due to them being in the danger zone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

For some of the posters, a question to the attached/with kids.

As far as bringing brochures to work, when was the last time that you did something nice for one of your single friends, unexpectedly. You know, the single friends that bought you wedding presents/shower gifts/brochure stuff from your kids. When did you last buy/make them a house warming gift. Took them to dinner as just the girls/guys and spent time with them...without the kids/spouse around...or showed them the attention that they pay to you/your family/your needs.

When did you hold a housewarming party for the single friend that gave you shower presents, put up with you when you were bride/groomzilla, and dealt with you when you went nuts over every little pain during pregnancy?

Just an idea.

[sunnyjohn]

.....

For some of the posters, a question to the attached/with kids.

As far as bringing brochures to work, when was the last time that you did something nice for one of your single friends, unexpectedly. You know, the single friends that bought you wedding presents/shower gifts/brochure stuff from your kids. When did you last buy/make them a house warming gift. Took them to dinner as just the girls/guys and spent time with them...without the kids/spouse around...or showed them the attention that they pay to you/your family/your needs.

When did you hold a housewarming party for the single friend that gave you shower presents, put up with you when you were bride/groomzilla, and dealt with you when you went nuts over every little pain during pregnancy?

Just an idea.

Thank you for posting this. It's almost like single people don't exist sometimes.

:kiss

[sunnyjohn]

I'll be honest with you, If my mum or daddy had not been there Christmas morning, I would have missed them. But quite frankly as soon as I tore open my presents I would have forgotten if Santa Claus himself was in the room. I just wanted to run outside and show my pals my new toy and play baseball or soccer or race bikes and homemade scooters with the kids in the 'hood!

My parents though always stressed the REAL reason for the Season, so the day itself was only secondary.

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

SunnyJohn, I completely agree with you.

I'll be honest with you, If my mum or daddy had not been there Christmas morning, I would have missed them. But quite frankly as soon as I tore open my presents I would have forgotten if Santa Claus himself was in the room. I just wanted to run outside and show my pals my new toy and play baseball or soccer or race bikes and homemade scooters with the kids in the 'hood!

My parents though always stressed the REAL reason for the Season, so the day itself was only secondary.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

for some of the posters, a question to the attached/with kids.

as far as bringing brochures to work, when was the last time that you did something nice for one of your single friends, unexpectedly. you know, the single friends that bought you wedding presents/shower gifts/brochure stuff from your kids. when did you last buy/make them a house warming gift. took them to dinner as just the girls/guys and spent time with them...without the kids/spouse around...or showed them the attention that they pay to you/your family/your needs.

when did you hold a housewarming party for the single friend that gave you shower presents, put up with you when you were bride/groomzilla, and dealt with you when you went nuts over every little pain during pregnancy?

just an idea.

and an excellent idea it is, too! all those accomodations seem to go one way -- be nice if the single coworkers got a little special attention, too!

[llg, PhD, RN]

and an excellent idea it is, too! all those accomodations seem to go one way -- be nice if the single coworkers got a little special attention, too!

i couldn't agree more. over the years, i have significantly reduced my participation in the "giving things to the married people" activities at work unless i have a personal relationship with that person that goes both ways.

i also try to resist the pressure to buy junk from people trying to raise money for their kids' activities. why should i pay for their kids' social life? now ... it's a little different if the kids are involved in a community service project or if the kids are performing a service to earn money for an activity. i think kids earn valuable life lessons through those types of activities and often support those types of things. but i avoid giving to the requests for money from a parent to pay for a kid's fun, hobby, etc.

llg