I know, I know, I'm on a roll. Last night with the strangling post and now this. What can I say? This is cheaper than counseling. :chuckle
I have posted several times about my mother in the past, how, despite my newly minted MSN and soon-to-be NP, apparently my cousin, her niece, still knows more than I do, despite having only an Associate's Degree. (and no, I am not knocking that, she worked hard for it, it just rankles, and I'll explain why in a minute)
Back in June, my GF contracted bacterial endocarditis. Initially, his WBC count was only 11.4, and with cultures pending, the ER docs did not want to start abx, thinking it was most likely a virus. I was right along with them, seeing as how my preceptor was the Medical Director of that ER. Well, a week goes by, and he did not get better, running fevers, delirious, peeing on himself, etc... Did Mama take him to HIS doc for a follow up? No. Did they respond to the phone call from the ER that the cultures grew out gram + cocci in clusters? No. GF does not make business phone calls because he does not like to. So, I have to listen in the meantime to a barrage of criticism from family about the no abx. Never mind that they did not do the basic thing like TAKE HIM TO THE DOC! No, I just have to listen to them say what idiots we all are. Except Christine. Christine said he NEEDED abx, for a boost. Christine said that a count of 11.4 was low, and that was why he needed them. Even after my aunt, Christine's mother trotted that out in front of the whole family, so as to make me look a fool, and I contradicted with my Patho book to back me up. No dice. And my own mother did not defend me. Of course, she was mystified 2 days later when GF's doc started calling ME instead of her for decisions, but that's another story.
Flash forward a month. I pop a bleeding ulcer in Florida and lose 6 pints of blood. I nearly died, with no one but DH and my in-laws there. Mama and Daddy were all het up to get me home, and then Mama decides she "might not come" to get me. I thought at the time she did not want to see me like that, but more recent instances have made me think differently.
About a month before my graduation, I am having a conversation with Christine online about my clinicals and she makes the comments that, "NP's can't give orders. How would that hold up in a court? Anyone who follows what you say is just setting themselves up." When I told my Mom about this, her response was, "Well, she just does not understand." Dear God, if the situation were reversed and I had said that to Christine, I'd have been persona non grata for the rest of my natural life.
December rolls around, and I am trying to get hold of Christine to ascertain whether or not her little boy has something that I am going to get him for Christmas. She will not answer her phone, return my calls, or speak to me on the Internet. As I am also trying to get several little presents for Mom and Christine's mom to give he boy, I really need to find out what he does and does not have. About a week ago, Christine left a message that she had had some bad news medically, but that everything was OK now, and to call her. She still has yet to answer.
I relayed this to my Mom as we were eating dinner on our way to a concert one night, and her excuse for Christine was that until I dealt with something like that, I would not know how it was. To which I responded, "You know, Mom, I looked death in the face 6 months ago, and while I can't say I was thrilled at the prospect of that, I took my phone calls, including about 10 from Christine."
She made several other various and sundry excuses, and then, the thing I could not then and still really have not come to terms with was said.
"Well, this will sound cold, but I can stand the thought of you dying easier than I can her. You don't have small children."
That really did wonders for the old appetite, let me tell you. My own Mama would rather me die than a cousin, simply because I have yet to spawn. I guess I should have asked her if having just one would do, since Christine has 2, or did I need to try for twins so I'd be worthy.
I suppose I'm overreacting, and I guess i just wanted to vent. The DH thing was bad, but at least he hasn't said he wants me dead. If it wasn't for my Daddy, I don't know what I'd do. I really do not know how to explain how much it hurts to go through all the education to try and better myself and still have your own family treat you like garbage and basically tell you that they'd rather see you dead than someone else. I just don't know what to do. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
caliotter3
38,333 Posts
I learned a long time ago to leave my family out of my life plan. Nothing I have ever done is good enough compared to my darling of the family sister-in-laws who know everything and can do anything so much better than me.