Gay Nurses... help!

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

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I disagree that you can work in such close environs and not share some personal info with your co-workers.
~faith,
Timothy.

Gay people have been masters at this for eons. We are masters at hiding our true selves. Sure people wonder about the guy without a wife or kids and his "roommate", and gossip and talk about him behind his back. But don't ask, don't tell, has ruled the lives of gay men for years. It's only been a recent phenomenon that this hasn't been the case, but it still is the case for a lot of homosexuals, thus the delimema of the original poster, because in all parts of the world it still isn't easy. For most people it just no big deal to work in such close environs and make friends and talk about "my wife this and my wife that, my kids this and my kids that".

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

sorry, triple posted here.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

opps

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Oct 10, 2005

Gay people have been masters at this for eons. We are masters at hiding our true selves. Sure people wonder about the guy without a wife or kids and his "roommate", and gossip and talk about him behind his back. But don't ask, don't tell, has ruled the lives of gay men for years. It's only been a recent phenomenon that this hasn't been the case, but it still is the case for a lot of homosexuals, thus the delimema of the original poster, because in all parts of the world it still isn't easy. For most people it just no big deal to work in such close environs and make friends and talk about "my wife this and my wife that, my kids this and my kids that".

True enough - but I meant this in the capacity of previous posters saying that your personal life shouldn't be part of work, anyway. I was just commenting that that is highly unlikely in most contexts.

And to the extent that gay people are masters at hiding - it's not very healthy. We are creatures designed to be very expressive and withholding that is not only very stressful, it probably does detract from your professional relationships - precisely because of all the innuendo you mention.

If you don't tell people who you are, people tend to make assumptions. It's human nature.

~faith,

Timothy.

Rep · Oct 10, 2005

I am not gay but one thing I can tell you is that most people do not care if you are gay or not. What they care is that you can get the job done.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

True enough - but I meant this in the capacity of previous posters saying that your personal life shouldn't be part of work, anyway. I was just commenting that that is highly unlikely in most contexts.
And to the extent that gay people are masters at hiding - it's not very healthy. We are creatures designed to be very expressive and withholding that is not only very stressful, it probably does detract from your professional relationships - precisely because of all the innuendo you mention.
If you don't tell people who you are, people tend to make assumptions. It's human nature.
~faith,
Timothy.

I realize I took your post out of context. I agree when people work together there's no point is keeping quiet and just be worker bees. Some people give too much information, but friendly chatting is natural and healthy. People are social animals.

I agree it's not healthy to repress who you are. This is why the suicide and alocholism/drug addiction rate is high in gay people. Probably why too when people do feel safe they go overboard with the flambouyancy you see in parades and festivals like Southern Decadence in New Orleans or Halloween in Key West. Or the promiscuity that killed tens and thousands of gay men in the 70s/80s.

sunnyjohn · Oct 10, 2005

Tweety - I was hoping you would come along. Thanks so much for the eloquent words. judi

I agree with Jess, Fun2care and TraumaRUs.

Three cheers for TWEETY!

HIP-HIP- HOORAY!

sunny59 · Oct 10, 2005

ROGER THAT!!
.There is nothing wrong with homosexual men. (Believe me, you FAT, BALD, DRUNK, SMELLY farm 'boys', "fags" have standards too)
Hellooo
Talk about stereotyping!!!! As a farm wife of 30 years living in the middle of farm country I really resent that comment. Hubby may have a beer belly and thinning hair, but he is NOT a drunk or smelly, nor are the vast majority of his friends. Nor does he have issues with gays or anyone else for that matter - except those who stereotype anyone. Please, think of whom you may be bashing before making such comments - we are all humans and isn't that all that matters.
Sunny

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Oct 11, 2005

ROGER THAT!!
.There is nothing wrong with homosexual men. (Believe me, you FAT, BALD, DRUNK, SMELLY farm 'boys', "fags" have standards too)
Hellooo
Talk about stereotyping!!!! As a farm wife of 30 years living in the middle of farm country I really resent that comment. Hubby may have a beer belly and thinning hair, but he is NOT a drunk or smelly, nor are the vast majority of his friends. Nor does he have issues with gays or anyone else for that matter - except those who stereotype anyone. Please, think of whom you may be bashing before making such comments - we are all humans and isn't that all that matters.
Sunny
Sunny, I can understand why you must have felt a little put off by Someday CRNA's statement. But, I really don't think he really meant this in the manner in which you took this. I review a lot of members' posts and get to come to know the tone and mood by which alot of members post. I am not defending necessarily Someday CRNA, but I think I have come to know how he posts and his sense of humor. I do not think he meant this too much than that. But, you are correct in that one stereotype does not remit another one. Maybe when Someday CRNA returns to this thread, he can present himself a little better in what he meant.

Chad_KY_SRNA · Oct 18, 2005

For the longest time I was the only gay man working at my long term care facility and I came out to the staff as I felt they needed to know, now there are two other gay guys, who I love dearly as friends. We are pretty much open with all of the staff. We also now have some lesbians as well but they are safely hidden in the closet to all but a few. People assume a lot of things about three gay friends, it was funny :chuckle to a point now its stupid :angryfire . We spend quite a bit of time together hanging out, drinking, shopping, etc. the stories going around say that we have all slept with or dated each other, we got drunk and had a threesome, etc. I just tell them that what happens when I am away from work in my personal life is just that, my personal life and in no way affects resident care. You just have to be ready for about anything as far as responces from coworkers, I generally tell people fairly soon after getting to know them, I may wait a while if I don't think they can handle it and let them get to know me as me and not just have them assume I am the stereotype.

I will come back later and address this topic further but my back is killing me, my legs are swollen and I am going on no sleep and very little caffeine. I had to work 8 last night after getting out of the EMT-B class I am taking.

SharonH, RN · Oct 18, 2005

EDIT: Thanks for the first several responses - I wanted to update my question a little. I guess I am asking specifically about the situation when patients ask about your personal life (which, during nursing school, we were taught not to disclose, since the focus should be on the pt. not on the nurse.) But at the same time, we have to build a healty, healing relationship... answers?

I'm not gay but.......if a patient asks something that is really not any of their business then shouldn't you have the right to answer honestly? Why should you have to agonize over how to answer? If you are with someone of the same sex, then why shouldn't you just say? And if you are trying to build a healthy, healing relationship, then I would think the truth is even more important. And if they can't handle it, that's their problem. JMNSHO.

Chad_KY_SRNA · Oct 19, 2005

Ok I'm back, as far as telling my residents I don't really tell them too much, some of them are aware of my sexual preference because they asked me so I felt they could handle the truth. In general I don't just say Hello, my name is Chad and I will be your nurse aide tonight, I am gay. I try to keep conversations regarding my personal life in non-patient care areas of the facility. If I feel that a resident is going to be homophobic or has the potential to be a homophobe I will change the subject or tell them that I would prefer not to discuss it.