Gay Nurses... help!

Nursing Students Male Students

Published

Hi - Wondering if any gay nurses have an insight into some concerns i've been having...

How much do you self-disclose about yourself? What do you say when patients assume you are straight, and ask you about your girlfriend/wife? How about when they assume you are gay?!? How appropriate is it to be out to them? to your co-workers? Certainly there is a double standard, as straight nurses would be 'out' at work (by talking about thier family, or feeling comfortable self-disclosing about their family), but what techniques do you use at work?

Oh, and if you respond - please mention a little about what kind of nursing you do.

Thanks so much!

EDIT: Thanks for the first several responses - I wanted to update my question a little. I guess I am asking specifically about the situation when patients ask about your personal life (which, during nursing school, we were taught not to disclose, since the focus should be on the pt. not on the nurse.) But at the same time, we have to build a healty, healing relationship... answers?

Specializes in Critical Care.

Libertarian talk show host Neil Boortz, in his recent book, Somebody's Gotta Say It!, reports that a University of GA study used a questionaire known as the 'index of homophobia' to identify homophobic men and women.

(here's the test: http://www.bgsu.edu/downloads/sa/file14259.pdf )

Having now determined which subjects were likely to be more homophobic than others, the testers THEN showed the subjects a series of gay and straight Mediaographic and non-Mediaographic video.

The results: 54% of homophobic men showed definite excitement to gay Mediaographic material, while another 26% showed moderate arousal.

Or, as Neil says, "Add it up! 80% of homophobic men show quite a little gay streak!"

66% of non-homophobic men showed no response.

Conclusions of the study: most homophobic men have repressed homosexual desires.

I didn't say it. But Somebody had to! There you go, Neil.

~faith,

Timothy.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care.

see above.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

i havent been asked if i was gay by any patient yet. Surprisingly, they prefer me over the women. i had fellow students question my sexuality or thats how i interpreted it, "1st day of class and took some lotion out my backpack and lotioned my hands when a female asked for a squeeze, then she asked me was it womens lotion" i'm like ***, now she likes me and said back then she was just testing me. all i could do was laugh. i have no problem with homosexuals in the workplace, the thing that bothers me is that some of them just want attention for being gay.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Just saw this, and I'm a somewhat new member of this on-line Forum thing.

I'm an age 50 career changer, with a same-sex partner for the past 17 years. Am currently a student nurse, in an Accelerated Second Degree BSN Program----and while initially I didn't "wear my sexual orientation on my sleeve", there are 13 men in our class of 67 students. Besides myself, as far as I know, there is only 1 other gay guy. It's just natural, once fellow students/people start getting to know each other, at more than the "HELLO, GOOD MORNING" level, that personal things DO come out. And it's certainly nothing I'm ashamed of.....so I've NEVER made any attempt at hiding it. From a personal perspective, what I share with fellow students is different than what I'd ever share with a patient in most circumstances. So my "plan" when I begin employment, is to be right up front, when/if it comes up. I can only say it's never caused a problem for me. One never knows, of course, what someone else could be saying "behind my back", but there's a saying that I believe in: "Whatever someone else is saying about me is NONE of my business."

Good luck, and as Shakespeare (I think it was him) once said: "To thine own-self, be true."

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Ortho, Case Management, blabla.

Its funny how male nurses being gay is a hot topic. What about the lesbian nurses? No one cares, right.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

When I replied before, I was using the term "gay" in an all-inclusive way, eg: gay & lesbian. Sorry if I didn't make that clear....but of course we care! And I note from your profile that you're a former electrician/carpenter turned nursing student. Just think....you can care for the patient AND change the light bulbs in their rooms......LOL ! Have a nice day!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm not gay, however my daughter is. I agree with Tweedy, that people who are comfortable with themselves tend to be more open & comfortable with others regardless of sexual preference, religious belief, politics etc.

But then again, how many people are actually comfortable with themselves?

I'm a private person myself & when people ask me personal questions I usually reply with a puzzled "Why do you ask?" Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. As it's been stated before: What does sexual preference have to do with job performance?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
i have no problem with homosexuals in the workplace, the thing that bothers me is that some of them just want attention for being gay.

You say you have no problem with it, but in the same sentence you say it bothers you. As you gain more experience as a nurse, and especially if you live in a large metro area, you are going to encounter more and more people in the workplace who don't look like you, act like you, talk the way you do, or believe in the same things you do. You're going to find that all the theory you learned about nursing in a transcultural/multicultural environment are true. You are also going to find that the more you let patients and co-workers upset you the more stress you'll experience.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Good point NurseguyFL. I think alot of it boils down to insecurity. It bothers some people that a gay man or woman is out & open about themselves, however if a woman who wears low cut tops & super short skirts it this woman not flaunting her sexuality? Or perhaps a man who feels the need to scratch himself in public, spit or belch to show his manliness. I would say the majority accepts these things. JMHO Why not just accept people for who they are, not what you find different/appauling/disagreeable with them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Tele, ICU, ER.

I've worked with several gay nurses (male and female). How do I know they were gay? Because they didn't hide it, nor flaunt it. Just came up in conversation, as in: "Hey you look a little down, you ok?" "Yeah, my boyfriends' mom just passed away, been a little stressed (from a male)" "Oh bummer, that sucks, my husband's dad passed last year, was terrible." etc... just conversation. I knew of very few nurses who had a problem with my gay collegues - and few patients too - since they were such good nurses.

Now, that said, would you guys who dress, PLEASE stop looking better than me in a dress? It's beginning to really depress me. Forget to shave or something... please?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER/AMS/OPD/UC.

I have worked with gays, lesbians, and believe or not heteros too (haha)!! Personally, I dont expect any of my co workers to feel hesitation talking about thier spouses or relationships, unless they prefer to do so.

I wonder after reading this post, if gay/ lesbian nurses think it is getting any better with public perceptions changing as opposed to a few years back or even 20 years ago?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER.

I had a nurse preceptor once who was a lesbian. She had on a lesbian symbol necklace charm, a watch with the women symbols and rainbows...nobody treated her any different nor did they ask her any personal question from what I noticed. She was one of the best nurses I have ever worked with! So, as someone before said, sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with job performance! I'm glad I had the opportunity to work with her :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment