I noticed that this thread seems to be missing since the transfer so thought I would resurrect it. If I'm wrong and it is hiding somewhere then let me know.
OK, it's been a while so lets see if we can get this going again.
I killed a spider with a shoe earlier. I don't know how he lost the other seven.
Every selfie I have ever taken is also a portrait of a confused, elderly man trying to figure out which button to press on his phone.
People don't like me reading over their shoulder on trains or buses, which is ridiculous as I'm not even that loud and I do ALL the voices.
Red wine and fish certainly don't mix, in fact mine died.
I've just bought the dictionary as an audiobook, which says it all really.
Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know.
I'm beginning to think my chiropractor is just manipulating me.
Afternoon all, after my thoughts of October 5th I sent this to the moderators;
Hi moderators, I was wondering if you can help us in the Game of Groans thread.
This thread was originally in the breakroom on the blue side but did not transfer over. I restarted it in the coffee lounge and it is going well with intermittent input from 4 or 5 people.
My request to yourselves is; would there be a way to "advertise" this thread on the main starting page so that we can get input from more people. I understand that this may a) not be possible or b) against your terms and conditions.
Any help would be appreciated.
GrumpyRN
Not received any reply yet but hay-ho, in fairness not really their job.
However, I have found a bit more silliness for you.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Did you hear about the new dating site for retired chemists?
It's called "Carbon Dating".
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. Such a nice jester!
There was a big fire down at the circus. It was in tents.
If I had a dime every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be like, "Why is everyone giving me all these dimes?"
Nothing ruins a Friday quite like remembering it's actually Tuesday.
My last annual performance review said I lacked passion and intensity.
They've never seen me alone with a really big cheeseburger.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Anna gave up her seat to a blind person on the bus.
That's how she lost her job as a bus driver.
Last one, I promise;
An employee goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"Sorry, but we're shorthanded," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss" says the employee. "I knew I could count on you!"
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
I had a 97 y.o. patient who pulled the "Tooth-Hurty" joke on me, when he said, "It's time to go to the dentist," and I fell for it! Basically I said--"do you need me to call and make an appt?" He laughed and said, "Tooth-hurty." I said, "HUH?" He pointed at the clock and said, "Two-thirty." I 'got it' and rolled my eyes, then I rolled up a piece of newspaper and bonked him lightly on the head, repeatedly, laughing and saying, "Bad, bad, BAD!" He laughed and laughed, and periodically through the rest of the shift he muttered, "tooth-hurty" and laughed some more; he really liked my reaction.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
From the Nov 18th issue of The WEEK magazine:
GOOD week for: Selling Handsome, with the launch of Le Domaine, a line of skin-care products from actor Brad Pitt. In a review of the serum, NYP's Brian Faas said that for it's $385 price tag, "Brad should come to your house and apply it to your face."
(Wanna bet the outrageous price is for a mere 1/4 of an ounce?)
....and....
BAD week for: Wide-open spaces, after a resident of remote, sporificely populated Nevada County, Calif., had his home destroyed by a meteorite. "They said it's a 1 in 4 trillion chance," shrugged Dustin Procita, "so I guess I might be buying a lottery ticket today."
(I wouldn't expect to 'win' a lottery if I bought a ticket because my destroyed house was a "1 in a 4 trillion chance".)
Good afternoon all. A miserable day in Scotland, we have had a months worth of rain in 2 days so a bit of flooding around.
Never mind, let's see if I can cheer everyone up.
My house was haunted by a poltergeist so I got a man in to exorcise it. Did a good job and everything was peaceful. I had agreed to pay him in installments but my bank missed a few payments so I got re-possessed.
My new book on poltergeists is literally flying off the shelves.
I, O, I, O, it's off to work as a binary programmer I go.
I got into a fight with my yoga instructor and she walked out mid lesson, which left me in a very awkward position.
I tried a bit of nude painting today. It went really well, and now everyone says my front door looks lovely.
I'm thinking of wearing a really tight white t-shirt but I'm not sure I could pull it off.
My favourite thing to see at the zoo is all the divorced dads.
Say what you like about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
This diet was hard at first but now I'm really starting to find my feet.
I think my biggest USB is I don't really care about using the correct acronyms.
"I wonder what's in that field?"
"Herd of cows?"
"Yes,"
"Well it's them."
People say if you can make a woman laugh it's easier to get her into bed, but I've always found it's the other way round.
I've been to see a therapist about my compulsive shoplifting of Apple products. He told me to keep taking the tablets.
OK, enough for today.
Hope you enjoyed them and my thanks to Gary Delaney who I stole these from. Stay safe.
Just remembered that America is playing in the FIFA World Cup later today against Wales and as it is in the middle east I am reminded of this; (it sounds better spoken out loud)
The citizens of Quatar don't like The Flintstones, but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
Looks like a draw between the US and Wales. "Soccer" aka Football is becoming more and more popular here. We even have a professional team here called "The Rowdies" only eight of 24 team members of are American born. The stadium they play in has a capacity of 7,000 ish.
Unlike when I was growing up in North Carolina, there is a lot of soccer now going on in schools here in Florida, but watch out for those moms (or mums as Grumpy would say)
" A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh. When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos. She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
" Why don't soccer moms let their kids listen to Beethoven? Because of all the violins."
GrumpyRN, NP
1,344 Posts
Afternoon all, after my thoughts of October 5th I sent this to the moderators;
Hi moderators, I was wondering if you can help us in the Game of Groans thread.
This thread was originally in the breakroom on the blue side but did not transfer over. I restarted it in the coffee lounge and it is going well with intermittent input from 4 or 5 people.
My request to yourselves is; would there be a way to "advertise" this thread on the main starting page so that we can get input from more people. I understand that this may a) not be possible or b) against your terms and conditions.
Any help would be appreciated.
GrumpyRN
Not received any reply yet but hay-ho, in fairness not really their job.
However, I have found a bit more silliness for you.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Did you hear about the new dating site for retired chemists?
It's called "Carbon Dating".
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.
Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. Such a nice jester!
There was a big fire down at the circus. It was in tents.
If I had a dime every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be like, "Why is everyone giving me all these dimes?"
Nothing ruins a Friday quite like remembering it's actually Tuesday.
My last annual performance review said I lacked passion and intensity.
They've never seen me alone with a really big cheeseburger.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Anna gave up her seat to a blind person on the bus.
That's how she lost her job as a bus driver.
Last one, I promise;
An employee goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"Sorry, but we're shorthanded," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss" says the employee. "I knew I could count on you!"
OK, take care and have a good and safe weekend.