I noticed that this thread seems to be missing since the transfer so thought I would resurrect it. If I'm wrong and it is hiding somewhere then let me know.
OK, it's been a while so lets see if we can get this going again.
I killed a spider with a shoe earlier. I don't know how he lost the other seven.
Every selfie I have ever taken is also a portrait of a confused, elderly man trying to figure out which button to press on his phone.
People don't like me reading over their shoulder on trains or buses, which is ridiculous as I'm not even that loud and I do ALL the voices.
Red wine and fish certainly don't mix, in fact mine died.
I've just bought the dictionary as an audiobook, which says it all really.
Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know.
I'm beginning to think my chiropractor is just manipulating me.
Two Wi Fi engineers got married. The reception was brilliant.
6:30 is the best time on a clock - hands down.
I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.
Whats a frogs favourite type of shoes? Open toad sandals.
Blunt pencils are really pointless.
I just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
I put my grandma on speed dial yesterday. I call it insta-gran.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Dogs cant operate MRI machines but catscan.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said, it's just a bug going round.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
What does a house wear? Address.
I wrote a book on penguins. Paper would have been easier.
My grandmother would always send us texts saying please come round, my arthritis is getting worse. But eventually they stopped. So presumably it got better.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Available on etsy for $33, a wooden box called a "Useless machine 2.0".
On the outside of the box is a toggle for On + Off. When you put the toggle at 'On', the box opens up and something comes out that pushes the toggle to 'Off' and the box closes.
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Dr Ruth, the 4'9" tall,1980's popular sex therapist and author....trained as a a sniper during WWII. She said they liked it that she could put 4 tight bullets in the inner circle of a target. w00t!
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
From Reader's Digest:
My grandfather was frugal to the end. As he lay dying, surrounded by his children, he warned, 'If you kids spend more than $500 on a casket, I'll kick the lid off." "Dad," my father said in a reassuring tone, "for $500 you don't get a lid."
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
I have been having a heck of a time re-finding this thread. I ended up going back two years on my "followed content" to find a post that was listed from here. So, I have been saving a few things to post when I FINALLY found my way back! And here I am, and here I go:
* "If all the cars in the U.S, were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day."
* Will Rogers: "Another way to solve the traffic problems of this country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars will be allowed to use the highway."
* Two bearded men wearing plaid shirts, holding axes, standing at the base of a tree: "Some lumberjacks do it for the money. Me, I hate trees."
* From "Mental Floss" - "Before medicine progressed, people were eager to try anything to cure the plague. Sir Isaac Newton recommended a regimen of toad vomit and pulverized road carcass, which he helpfully suggested forming in to a lozenge. Another technique involved farting into a jar, sealing it and then huffing one's own flatulence to counter the 'bad air' that was thought to deliver the plague and other ailments."
* When you think about flying, it's nuts really Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles per hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense." (David Letterman)
* 'They say that if two airplanes almost collide, it's a near miss. B-S! It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. (George Carlin)
"Airline hostesses show you how to use a seat belt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965." (Jerry Seinfeld)
* "You know those oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams." (Rita Rudner)
GrumpyRN, NP
1,344 Posts
Two Wi Fi engineers got married. The reception was brilliant.
6:30 is the best time on a clock - hands down.
I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.
Whats a frogs favourite type of shoes? Open toad sandals.
Blunt pencils are really pointless.
I just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
I put my grandma on speed dial yesterday. I call it insta-gran.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Dogs cant operate MRI machines but catscan.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said, it's just a bug going round.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
What does a house wear? Address.
I wrote a book on penguins. Paper would have been easier.
My grandmother would always send us texts saying please come round, my arthritis is getting worse. But eventually they stopped. So presumably it got better.
Enough for today, have a good week everyone.