Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

[FranEMTnurse]

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

[jakay RN]

That happened to me too.:chuckle

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

Poor duh umb patients:fnypst::yeah::lol2::rotfl::hhmth:

[sarah_bellum]

I didn't say this but, I probably would have.

A pt called the nurse in his room to report he thought he was going to have DTs.

The next words out of her mouth (without thinking) were "What do you take for this at home?"

The patient stared at her and said "Uh, alcohol?"

:beercuphe

When she recounted this at the nurses station I about died laughing! Ask a stupid question....:smackingf

[JaredCNA, CNA]

I wish I never would have had the retarded idea to ask POD #1 total knee and hip patients, "Are you doing alright tonight?" as I walked in the room during first rounds at 2300, because now I am in the habit of saying it even though they just look at me like I'm stupid.

Lol.

[lpnstudentin2010, LPN]

After my enucleation of my right eye last year I went to my follow up visit, this came out of the tech who checks visions mouth, "Do you have any light perception left in the right eye?"

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

My know it all son was working with h.oo.and bcan last summer. Mct. was having problems with his ears bothering him, so he asked H.oo. if maybe his ears hurt because his fallopian tubes were blocked. H.oo. and Bcan stopped what they were doing and both looked at Mct.. H.oo. and Mct. to repeat what he had just said. So, Mct. asked the question over again, and asked his dad if he thought that maybe Mct.o ears were hurting because his fallopian tubes were blocked. After H.oo. and Bcan stopped laughing hysterically H.oo. had to explain to Mct. that he doesn't have blocked fallopian tubes, and if he has them in his ear then there was a problem and we had to get him to the doctor right away.:chuckle:rotfl::clphnds::rckn::nmbrn::hhmth::fnypst::fnypst::hehe:

[Ehope]

These are great!

In my office we use a computer system with the unfortunate acronym of WANG that crashes and freezes at least once a day.

One day I hear my very straight-laced older male co-worker yell to the guy sitting in the cubicle across from him: "Hey Stan, is your WANG up? I can't seem to get mine going."

I thought I was gonna die laughing.

[Poochee]

During a CVS drug store visit, I was looking for the old school douche's, not the nice pre-made massengil. I mean the old big red water bag douches.

So I look everywhere, can't find it. I start looking around the store to see, if I can find someone who works there to help me.

I don't see any women, I see an older man he seems really busy, and I see a teenager working, so I really don't want to go up to either one, but opt for the teenager, and ask him,

"Which isle are the douche's:coollook: "?

He looks at me really weird:uhoh21:, mind you I am already embarrassed, and ask's,

"What is that, some sort of candy:idea:"? I couldn't help but laugh out loud, his face was so perplexed, and then imagine how I feel.

I have to stand thier and explain what a douche is.

He then gets it, after a long description, and leads me to the isle.

Surprise, they did not even have the old big red bags.:icon_roll

[Poochee]

I'll never forget, and I always laugh, when I think back, to my brother, when he was really little asked, us all, with genuine interest,

"Have you ever seen a dog, tied to a donut??"

[Mannursemike]

Being the brilliant student nurse that i am, i recently asked a man with an ostomy "when was your last bowel movement?"

He looked at me like 'you gotta be kidding me'! He then replied, "before my surgery"

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I got one elderly male patient all cleaned up and changed the bedding and I was about to put the gown on him when he announced, "I don't want to wear anything. I want to be naked."

"Fine," I replied. I grabbed a hand towel and meant to say, "This will help prevent any problems," because he was incontinent, but what came out was, "Here, this will cover up your little problem" and tossed it atop his privates.

Behind the curtain, the other patient guffawed, and my patient protested, "Little problem?"

Backpedalling, I said, "No, I didn't mean 'little' as in you, I meant... " Both guys were whooping with laughter by now, and thoroughly enjoying my embarrassment, "Oh fer pete's sake, you know what I meant."

The second patient stopped laughing long enough to comment, "Thanks, that was better than a comedy show."

[grace90, LPN, LVN]

Being the brilliant student nurse that i am, i recently asked a man with an ostomy "when was your last bowel movement?"

He looked at me like 'you gotta be kidding me'! He then replied, "before my surgery"

I did that with a patient on POD#2, after having an emergency colostomy.