Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Hahaha! That is funny. You must be a phlebotomist, huh? Maybe next time you could say spinal cord defect and get away from the neural/nasal dilemma.

Welcome to this web site. You are sure to like it.:welcome:

Karen

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Welcome to this web site. You are sure to like it.:welcome:

Karen

Thank you!

It has indeed been fun reading this entire thread in a unit.

I mean at a go.

;)

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Specializes in acute care.

One day while on orientation at my PCA job on a tele floor, my preceptor and I were seeing one of our patients and he asked for a cup of coffee. We told him that he could have coffee, but only decaf as this is a cardiac floor and that's what we generally give people. He was disappointed when he heard this, so my preceptors comment was "Oh, sounds like you wanted it for the jolt", to which my reply was "Well, that's the concern on a floor like this--someone might get that jolt and end up needing another jolt to get them out of a funky rhythm!" The patient replied, with a straight face, "That's really a nice thing to say to someone who's just had a heart attack" so then I felt bad about my comment. Turns out though that he was just messing with me and was not, in fact, offended.

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Specializes in med surg.

This happened the other night and it still makes me laugh when i think about it. I work on a med/surg floor. Sometimes our patients require telemetry and there are monitor techs that sit upstairs to watch our patient's hearts. The other night, the monitor tech called down and one of our aides answered the phone. I do not know if this was a new monitor tech or what. The aid looked up and said "patient Mrs. M is in asystole--whatever that means." Like it was said like nothing was wrong... We all looked back behind us where we can see right in this patient's room...where the little 90-something patient is sitting up in bed, blowing her nose. As we're crowding to her room, she looks at all of us looking at her and she yells "have i done something wrong?!" We busted up laughing. One of the nurses called the monitor tech again and said "the patient was blowing her nose, ...we have it figured out now. It was just so funny. The monitor techs never call to say "asystole" they say "call a code". And usually they say "check on this patient, something is wrong" or, "check the green lead--it must be off again". And that poor lol who was blowing her nose and looking at everyone staring and rushing in her room...

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Way back in the day when I first started...

We have circle units. Handy, but slighly confusing, as the signs are between 2 rooms, and, well, the circles used to make me dizzy...but anyhow...

I went downstairs to grab some pneumo-boots and a pump. I walked into room 30 and announced to the nurse and the patient..."Didja order up some boots? Here they are!"

Nurse C burst out laughing and informed me that they were for the room next door, as the patient she was with was a double BKA.

Ooops.

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Just bookmarking....these are funny!

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Specializes in CCRN, ICU, ER, MS, WCC, PICC RN.

Just last night a young man I work with on Med-Surg had a patient die. He calls the patient's mother and considerately asks her, "Is there any special postpartum care you would like us to provide your son?"

Poor boy was mortified.

OMG ALMOST DIED LAUGHING! Sucks it was about someone who died but still very funny...:trout:

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:lol2: poor guy - sometimes those things just slip out~
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I told this joke to a doctor who was getting on my nerves.

A group of people were on a bus and unfortunetly the bus crashed, killing all on board.

While waiting in line to get into heaven one passenger, at the end of the line, noticed that there was a very rude and abusive man in heaven who was screaming, yelling and insulting everyone in heaven.

When the person at the end of the line reached the pearly gates he asked the angel at the entrance, "Who is that abusive man and what is he doing in heaven?"

The angel said, " Oh, that's God, he thinks he's a doctor."

When the Dr. told me he didn't like the joke........... I asked him how he spelled his last name......... "G-O-D" He didn't like that either.

I reminded the Dr. that he pulls down his pants and sits on the toilet just like everyone else......... so if you don't want me to be rude to you....... don't be rude to me.

He has been nicer to me ever since.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
:lol2: poor guy - sometimes those things just slip out~
yes they do indeed. Now I'll tell you what I told my new doc when I first met him.

I said, "As one professional to another, (I think that part fell on deaf ears as I was only thinking about the ten body systems)I have one system that's perfectly intact. It's my reproductive system." His face turned cherry red. I apologized to him on my next visit, and he told me it was embarassing.

I still get teased by the office personnel about being his only patient who has made him blush.

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Specializes in ICU. Med/Surg: Ortho, Neuro, & Cardiac.

I work nights so when we get an admit from the ER they tend to come either right at change of shift (either 2300 or 0700). I'm always in a rush at that time, so often if it is a male pt who has no order for a catheter, I will help the nurse by bringing the pt a cup, a water pitcher and a urinal.

One time I made the mistake of saying, "Now, this one is for you to drink out of, and this one is for you to pee in. Don't confuse the two."

Just when I thought the pt was going to bust out laughing his wife looked at me and said, "That's not very funny, he drank out of his urinal by mistake when he was here a few days ago."

I never asked if there was water or urine in the urinal...or if there was water in it, had it once had urine it. And I really didn't care to know the answer. LOL

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

I was tired one night and in with a pt with a lot of pain, so I picked up her ice bag and tried to tell her "I'm gonna go refill your ice bag" but instead I turned vowels around and it came out "I'm gonna go refill your @$$ pike". Thank good for slightly HOH pt's! She was so miserable I don't think she heard me. :dncgbby:

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