Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.
That reminds me: the first time I ever saw an Accucheck, another nurse was showing me how to use it and not explaining what was going on. I watched the numbers going down, thinking that was the BG, not the seconds left before the result. It got to 70, my eyes got big, it got to 50, I gasped and when it hit 35, I screamed "Oh my God!" The other nurse wondered what the heck was wrong with me.

I was in the doctors office years ago and the MA took my sugar and the machine had a countdown and she didn't know and she saw it say "20" and she thought it was my blood sugar and ran out and got the doctor. They had to explain to her that my blood sugar couldn't have been 20. She worked in a different office and the machine they used didn't have the countdown feature. Poor MA when she thought my sugar was 20 I thought she was going to pass out.

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Specializes in RN CRRN.
When I was in high school I was working as a nurse's aid at our small town hospital. It was my job to go around and get everyone's vital signs and chart them. I walked inot one gentleman's room, said "Good Morning! I'm just here to grab your vitals":stone Wife was sitting at bedside and started laughing hysterically then she said " why don't you leave that to me honey!":stone :stone I about died!

Then there was the time I was training a new nurse to our pediatric unit -- she had to call the doctor's office to set up a follow up visit for a patient in a couple of weeks post discharge as well as get some orders for some scripts to send home w/ pt. She got the doc on the phone, got the scripts and then said, and "when would you like the patient to f/u?" DEAD SILENCE at the nurses station AND the doctor's office -- it had to have been a full 10 seconds before she realized what she had said :imbar and then she quickly said " I mean of course, follow up with an office visit -- with you -- then she giggled and said the chart just has the letters F & U -- sorry!" :rotfl: At that point we were all cracking up and (thank goodness) so was the Doc. Took a LOOONG time for her to get over that one!!

oh lord i am dying! Once I was in a pts room with my aide and the pt was npo and on tube feedings. The chg RN stuck her head in and said do you want anything from Mac Ds? "Oh I dont know -hey (to my aide ) do you want anything from MacDs-the Chg is ordering?" I about died the pt looked like his mouth was watering profusely--I had to step out of the room I felt so bad. Another time I was giving a supp to a SCI pt and said I hope I am not hurting you-he replied "how could you I cant feel it." MORTIFIED. It just comes out and you cant stop your mouth sometimes. Your own worst enemy

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:lol2::lol2:;)
I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."
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These are hilarious!!

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I was a relatively new nurse working on a med surg unit. I had just got report and went to the nurses station. The call light went off and I answered it. The voice on the other end said, "My grandmother needs to use the potty chair." When I got to the room I said to the granddaughter, "Can she stand with help?" The granddaughter replied, "She has no legs." Very embarassing.

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Specializes in General.

I Can't Say The Word Prostatectomy!!!!!!!

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Specializes in med surg.

I graduated high school two years ago and can not take the blame for this one:

During a senior debate class, a girl who was notoriously not very bright was asking me about what the cold war was. As I started to explain it, she quickly interrupted me and in a calm, serious manner asked-" wait-is that the war where they fought with the ice bullets?" I was dating my now fiance at the time and we were both in that class together. We busted up laughing so hard our sides hurt and sometimes still refer to that time as one of our funny high school memories...ice bullets...:lol2::lol2:

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Specializes in med surg.

Oooh! I have another one. This one wasn't me either, it was a co-worker.

I was on orientation still and had a hispanic patient who spoke Spanish and could not understand English. Her husband was with her, but he did not speak or understand English, either. I was busy in another patient's room so my preceptor went to go talk to my hispanic patient. I was walking by the room and peeked in to see my preceptor reading from an English to Spanish translation book with difficulty and the patient and her husband were smiling at her. Next thing I know, she starts bowing and backing out of the room. The patient and her husband, who weren't quite understanding her spanish, looked very confused. I was laughing so hard and then the patient and her husband were, too. I asked her why she bowed, she said she was frazzled, but everyone was laughing.

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
When I'm in my silly mood, I sometimes answer the phone with, "Fearless Fanny's House of Pleasure. How may I help you today?" After I say that, there's usually silence on the other end.
Then one afternoon as the phone rang, with me in my silly mood, I answered in the usual; "Fearless Fanny's House of Pleasure. How may I help you?" Then came the reply, "FRANCES! :imbar, I got caugh red handed by the nurse in my pain management clinic. I said, "Oops, I guess I'm being a little too silly today." To which she replied; "Yes you are!!" That stopped me from answering the telephone to strangers, but it certainlly didn't stop me from being silly. I love to laugh and I love to make others laugh. Besides, it's easier on the face muscles.:D
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Hey rnsang97, I was wondering, what is the correct BG level..? :)

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Specializes in Volunterr in A&E.

At the moment I wrok in a warehouse and the other day I was called to an incident as the nearest first aider available. I get up to person whose clutching his foot sat on the floor, the fork lift truck thats big and red and 12ft high is right next to him. Nearly all the management is there and I get flustered and say "so what happened here then?", my colleuges just looked at me in disbelief, luckily I managed to convince them that it's all part of the plan to calm the injured party lol.

I think your stories are soooo funny :lol2::yeah:

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I'm a prospective nursing student who hasn't made an intro thread. I'm a thirty-six year old guy.

I think my sense of humor is actually giving me a social phobia. I have some sense of what it's like to interact with patients eight hours a day, but I can't always figure out what to say when someone asks me why I'm chuckling to myself like a fool.

So consider yourself warned, and offer me advice: my latest obsession is that I'm going to draw an AFP on an OB and somehow "nasal tube defect" will slip out.

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