Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

NF, you cute little boy reminded me of a three-year-old in my family. He

recently got glasses and commented on the home that everything was just where it belonged now.

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A parent called one day to complain that the child's teeth were falling out and getting loose, and it only started when pt started using their albuterol inhaler. Parent went on to complain that they couldn't find any info online about what to do for it! It was all we (parent called 3 different times to get the same answer from 3 different nurses) could do to keep a straight face and not laugh over the phone. Did I mention the child is 8--the age when they're in the middle of losing teeth anyway?! Several months go by and parent calls back, this time claiming the albuterol is causing child's Tourette's syndrome. No, child hasn't been diagnosed or even tested, but child will yell out when outside playing with friends. Again, not related to the albuterol!

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Specializes in Geriatric.

I was taking care of a patient with terrible hearing. I was explaining that I needed to roll him over to get dry pants on to which he replied "you're gonna get your dance on?". I reworded myself by saying I needed to change him and he goes "you need to train me to do what?". By this time I'm trying not to giggle and I tried again telling him his pants were wet. He goes "I've gotta go to the vet?".

I finally gave up and just rolled him over.

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hahahaha

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A parent called one day to complain that the child's teeth were falling out and getting loose, and it only started when pt started using their albuterol inhaler. Parent went on to complain that they couldn't find any info online about what to do for it! It was all we (parent called 3 different times to get the same answer from 3 different nurses) could do to keep a straight face and not laugh over the phone. Did I mention the child is 8--the age when they're in the middle of losing teeth anyway?! Several months go by and parent calls back, this time claiming the albuterol is causing child's Tourette's syndrome. No, child hasn't been diagnosed or even tested, but child will yell out when outside playing with friends. Again, not related to the albuterol!

Wow...correlation and causation are NOT the same thing, people!

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About 5 years ago when I was a nurse tech on the cardiac floor at a local hospital, we had a patient who was VERY altered mental status at night (gotta love ambien). I had caught her having an in depth conversation with the hand sanitizer despenser in her room earlier in the night shift. By 4 am there were no less than 8 nurses/techs in her room trying to figure out a way to keep her in bed and from ripping out her IV and tele. Out of the blue and in the middle of a rant about something else she stops, points at a nurse in the back of the pack and loudly exclaims "YOU ain't nothin but one of them LOOSE PARTY GIRLS!!" What made it so funny was that this nurse WAS known for being the party girl of the unit and less than picky about her dates. We all cracked up laughing, especially "party girl" who just shrugged and agreed!

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Specializes in Veterinary technology.

Client #1 is bringing in a box full of purebred bulldog puppies for vaccines.

I bring a male pug mix up to the front desk to return to his owner after boarding.

Client #2 turns from talking to Client#1- “Oh, is that their mommy?”

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then, there was a young lady in the OB/GYN office for a routine exam and the physician inquired "are you sexually active?"

The lady replied "no, I usually just lay there"

hilarious !

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Today while passing pills I overheard one of my residents ask another res, "so if you could smoke anything right now what would it be?" I tried very hard not to laugh, so hilarious!!

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Specializes in MICU.

STEMI pt "I started having chest pain, so I ate two donuts"

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Second semester clinicals, step-down unit. Pt is older male, schizo. When I came in for my shift, he was zonked out and stayed asleep for a good 4 hours. When he woke up, the CNA moved him to the chair so we could change the bed. The CNA is changing the bed sheets while I step out to grab the pt. a new gown. I come back to find him butt-naked, standing in front of the chair (POD 3, hip fix, btw) holding his butt... I ask, "What's going on, ---? Are you alright?" ---, always the charmer, responds, "Oh yeah, I just took a giant ****!" and hands me a washcloth with a gigantic turd on it, like that's a normal thing to do! It look all of my self control to not burst out laughing. The CNA couldn't hold it in and left the room chuckling. So there I am: the bed is stripped, CNA is outside getting her giggles out, patient is standing in front of me butt-naked, and I'm holding a giant turd on a washcloth. Story of my life. :up:

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Specializes in PCU.
Second semester clinicals, step-down unit. Pt is older male, schizo. When I came in for my shift, he was zonked out and stayed asleep for a good 4 hours. When he woke up, the CNA moved him to the chair so we could change the bed. The CNA is changing the bed sheets while I step out to grab the pt. a new gown. I come back to find him butt-naked, standing in front of the chair (POD 3, hip fix, btw) holding his butt... I ask, "What's going on, ---? Are you alright?" ---, always the charmer, responds, "Oh yeah, I just took a giant ****!" and hands me a washcloth with a gigantic turd on it, like that's a normal thing to do! It look all of my self control to not burst out laughing. The CNA couldn't hold it in and left the room chuckling. So there I am: the bed is stripped, CNA is outside getting her giggles out, patient is standing in front of me butt-naked, and I'm holding a giant turd on a washcloth. Story of my life. :up:

OMG...I just about spit out my tea on this one...and I thought the finger painting lady was out there!

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