Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

I'm pre-nursing, currently working for a family physician.

One of our patients was talking about how her daughter needs to see an optometrist for 'some sort of eye disease'... myopia. This same patient then asked me what year it was when filling out a form.

Someone came into our office once:

Him: Is this a GP's office?

Me: Yes, that's right

Him: Ok well, I have a PhD in microbiology and I am looking for a family doctor.

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Patient asked me if I had some smokes, but not the legal kind. :no:

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Our first clinical rotation was in a nursing home. I was partnered up with another student and we were assigned to follow around a CNA to do PM care. We were in a 90 yr old man's room, getting him ready to go to the tub across the hall. While we were undressing him, his phone rang and he answered it. He told the person on the other end "Let me call you back -- I have 5 women here about to give me a bath!"

At the same facility, early on in our first clinical experience, myself and another partner were providing PM care for a woman in a wheel chair. We had her in the bathroom and were getting ready to get her undressed when we noticed she had a hard round object that was visible under her shirt, over her belly. We concluded that she must have an colostomy (or some other kind of ostomy). Rather than undress her to make sure, my partner went to get our instructor, since we had not been trained to care for that and we didn't want to make the woman wait there half undressed. Well when my instructor arrived and we pulled off the woman's pants.... it was an empty fruit cup that she had stuffed in her pants at dinner :smackingf

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Resident asked me when meeting me "are your bits mixed up?" since im a guy and introduced myself as his nurse lol.

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Specializes in Dialysis.

Pt.: "Is there an outlet for me to plug up my computer? I want to watch my Mediaos."

Me: "Sure let me plug that in for you."

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My clinical group is sitting around the nurse's station on the peds unit. We're doing case studies -- there were no patients that night. It's a locked unit, and the doorbell rings. Someone hits the button to open the door and in comes a 20-something guy, with a Big Gulp in one hand and a plastic shopping bag filled with what looks like clothes in the other.

my Clinical Instructor : "Can we help you?

guy: Yeah um, I'm looking for my girlfriend.

CI: Well this unit is empty, so she's not here... Is she having a baby?

guy: no. well, at least, I don't think so. I'm a guy and all so I really don't know.

finally, a student: Is your girlfriend pregnant?

guy: Yeah, she's pregnant but her due date isn't until next month. She called and told me she's at this hospital.

CI: You might want to check with Labor and Delivery -- it's down the hall..."

maybe it was just the boredom of not having any patients, but we laughed for a solid 5 minutes about this poor clueless guy... His gf was at least 8 months pregnant and it still wasn't a reality for him that she was "having a baby" :D

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Pt.: "Is there an outlet for me to plug up my computer? I want to watch my Mediaos."

Me: "Sure let me plug that in for you."

'And would you like us to inflate your companion doll?':D

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'And would you like us to inflate your companion doll?':D

Is companion doll the PC term for blowup doll?

Inquiring monkey mind needs to know :smokin:

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Specializes in Nurse Educator, Culturally Sensitive Nsg.

I was calling select pt's to recruit for a certain focus group...

says the sweet gentleman on the phone...

"Yeah, sure... I'll sign up for that... what is this again? A brain transplant?"

"Uh, no, sir...not exactly..."

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Is companion doll the PC term for blowup doll?

Inquiring monkey mind needs to know :smokin:

Yep, well, I don't know if it OFFICIALLY is, but I was trying to be discreet.:cool:

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Specializes in Adult/Ped Emergency and Trauma.

I walked up to get breath sounds on a sleeping elderly lady with dementia, thought I could get them w/o waking her. MISTAKE . . .

(Already had done introduction, initial assessment, it was after a resp tx.)

She grabbed my arm with a lock-tight grip, and the toothless darling went to town gumming my arm up and down like a corn-on-the- cob OR a frightened creature fighting for her life. It was my first week of Nursing on my own, years back.

THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST WIERDEST FEELING THAT STILL KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT WITH GOOSEBUMPS!!!!

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I walked up to get breath sounds on a sleeping elderly lady with dementia, thought I could get them w/o waking her. MISTAKE . . .

(Already had done introduction, initial assessment, it was after a resp tx.)

She grabbed my arm with a lock-tight grip, and the toothless darling went to town gumming my arm up and down like a corn-on-the- cob OR a frightened creature fighting for her life. It was my first week of Nursing on my own, years back.

THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST WIERDEST FEELING THAT STILL KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT WITH GOOSEBUMPS!!!!

:eek: OMG!!! Yeah, I believe that would have been a bit creepy!!

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