Funny things patients say !

Nurses Humor

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While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any pain. An x-ray revealed a femur facture and the orthopedist was called. It was quite a long wait and I heard the patient call out "nurse come in here". I went to her and she asked me to get her up into her wheelchair, I explained to her that her leg was broken and she needed to stay in bed. She replied very seriously "only one of them is broken I can still scoot around in my chair now get me up out of this bed!"

I asked my seventy something yr. old lady if there was anything else that she needed?

Pt. B: "Oh, honey. My husband died 5 years ago and I haven't had a man since. That's what I NEED!" LOL

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0445 round:

Me: Good morning, Miss Simmons!

Pt: Good morning, Poi. You look like s--t. Have you gotten ANY sleep at all?

Self esteem: -10

Laughter: 1

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Specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

"You just want to get me to bed to have one of your screw parties" - said the confused elderly man when 7 of us were trying to contain him.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
"You just want to get me to bed to have one of your screw parties" - said the confused elderly man when 7 of us were trying to contain him.

:yeah::hhmth::hpygrp: Oh, yeah, nurses and their famous screw parties!!!!!! We ALL know about those!

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.
Just a question for my curiosity...I've never heard of it. What's a Progressive Care Unit?

Amanda :)

Just e-mail me... [email protected]

Honey, just Google it...:idea:

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.

While starting an IV on a little old confused lady, she started screaming down the hall, "Lord Jesus help me...RAPE! RAPE!"

I couldn't help but laugh...then I told the other (female) nurse to supervise us... :p lol

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"You just want to get me to bed to have one of your screw parties" - said the confused elderly man when 7 of us were trying to contain him.

I would have told him, "No, we just want you to participate!" :smokin:

LOL at screw parties...:lol2: That's too funny.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

screw parties--isn't that just another name for staff meetings?

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Specializes in LTC.

Nurse 1: Sir, I can't really give you an Ambien at 2 in the afternoon.

PT: "Conservative Hussy! I'll report you!"

Also:

Pt1: Do you want one of my cookies, Dear?

CNA1: No, I don't eat too many sweets, sorry.

Pt1: Well fine then, you can lick me, I'm sour!

I didn't know if I should die laughing, or vomit in the trashcan on that last one.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

Conservative Hussy, RN. It has a kind of edgy ring to it!

You ol' Clara Barton acting thing, you!

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Specializes in LTC.

One night at SNF, on a unit that I hadn't worked in a long time...I had several resident's that I was not very familiar with. As passed on in report, due to fall during previous shift, I was doing neuro checks.

Oh, and I forgot to mention this was a secure unit with dementia and Alzheimer patients...

First neuro check went well, as I still had my report sheet in my hand with all of his info/assessments. check # 2, with my papers sitting at the desk and him half way down the hall....

trying to assess orientation, I asked several questions including "what is your name?"

and he said " I don't know. What is it?"

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screw parties--isn't that just another name for staff meetings?

Good one.

I think it's another name for when management gets together to discuss staffing issues, no?

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