Funny things patients say

Published

The other day, I had someone say,..."That's my ****, referring to a spot on the floor dark in color. LOL!

I am sure you all have tons of them! :yes:

Specializes in Geriatrics, Transplant, Education.

Just last night, best one I've heard from a dementia patient in a while. Pleasantly confused 95 yo man, I am making rounds to turn him and check for incontinence. I notice he's wet and say "hey sir, your pads are just a little wet so I'm going to help you get cleaned up." He says "That dog has been coming in here and p**sing on me all night!" It was all I could do not to crack up right there and then.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Registered Nurse.
Colleague and I trying to insert a Foley into a fellow with acute ETOH withdrawal who turned out to have some kind of hypospadies, making insertion challenging.

He is in restraints, confused, agitated, struggling, but stops when I take hold of him to begin attempting insertion. He looks down, grunts once, twice, then states "Don't worry ladies...it gets a LOT bigger than that!"

That is so funny...he really had THE line. haha

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Registered Nurse.
Just last night, best one I've heard from a dementia patient in a while. Pleasantly confused 95 yo man, I am making rounds to turn him and check for incontinence. I notice he's wet and say "hey sir, your pads are just a little wet so I'm going to help you get cleaned up." He says "That dog has been coming in here and p**sing on me all night!" It was all I could do not to crack up right there and then.

Hilarious.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Neuro-trauma.

I had a younger schizo patient when I worked in a nursing home. We had this weird understanding of each other and I seemed to be the only nurse she would listen to or do anything for but she could still be pretty mean to me. She was the type of patient who was very lazy and acted completely helpless. One day she rings her call bell to have my bring her garbage can to her bed so she can throw her brief into it. After telling her to get up and go to the bathroom she cusses me out and says "oh shut up you ugly w**re, you're the one getting laid tonight. Go choke on my brothers hairy balls." Still makes me laugh thinking of it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I was recently taking care of a pt with alzheimers/dementia. This pt never made any sense when she talked. Then one day, in a brief moment of clarity she said, "To love is nothing, to be loved is something, but to be loved by the one you love, is EVERYTHING" then it was back to babbling...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Public Health, Maternal Child Health.

Mom admitted for premature labor contractions, OB planning scheduled repeat C section in a few weeks, mom asks "I dont understand why my body is having contractions when my doctor already told me I'm going to have a scheduled C section?? Why am i contracting??" LOL! Had to hold back my smile and explain that her uterus may not have gotten the memo from the OB, and in fact her uterus may not care about the doctors plan at all.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
I was recently taking care of a pt with alzheimers/dementia. This pt never made any sense when she talked. Then one day, in a brief moment of clarity she said, "To love is nothing, to be loved is something, but to be loved by the one you love, is EVERYTHING" then it was back to babbling...

Pretty profound!

I had a pt.like that once, her sentences seldom held together ( carrots growing in the walls?). Anyway, she was babbling on as usual, when suddenly she focused on my face, brushed my hair away from my forehead, and said "You know, dear, you really should trim. your bangs." My mouth dropped open in surprise. She never said a coherent thing again!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Pretty profound!

I had a pt.like that once, her sentences seldom held together ( carrots growing in the walls?). Anyway, she was babbling on as usual, when suddenly she focused on my face, brushed my hair away from my forehead, and said "You know, dear, you really should trim. your bangs." My mouth dropped open in surprise. She never said a coherent thing again!

Stuff like this makes me sad. Because then you know they are still "in there" somewhere. :sorry:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice.
Stuff like this makes me sad. Because then you know they are still "in there" somewhere. :sorry:

Like my little lady who babbles all day long, says one or two words over and over, and has a very thick accent.

One day she was holding a doll, and I made a comment about how pretty her baby looked.

She put the doll down, looked me square in the eye and said "You do know this isn't a real baby, it's just a doll, don't you?"

I swear, her voice sounded totally different and she had very little accent.

And then she went back to babbling.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

We had a 90+ year old lady who had been on the vent for some time (long story). For days after she was extubated she would not open her eyes, speak or follow commands, but hey, you have to keep trying, right? One morning I walked in to do my neuro checks and I said, Mrs. H, do you know what today is? She goes I hope it's not my da** birthday again!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion