I work in neuro. the land of confusion. I spent my entire evening last night in an abortion clinic (according to my patient)...
Its a unique thing when a pt. that looks so intact says something so off such as: did ya know if you name your kid something less than 5 letters its free but if more than 5-you pay more taxes. Or the lady who when asked her PMH on the admission forms says: i died twice, the drs brought me back to life with toothpaste and extracted the devil from my rectum....right.....
We had a man in the Alzheimers unit get let out by the air conditioner man. He walked to a nearby apartment building and knocked on a womans door. Told her he was there to buy the musical instrument she had for sale. She knew he was confused and asked where he lived. He gave her an address and she drove him over there. He got out of the car and went to the door of the place he had lived in 1953. The man who opened the door there was a paramedic and called the police knowing the situation this must be. Meanwhile we had several hours of searching for him and dealing with police and endless paperwork.
He was lucky that the man who lived there now was a paramedic. That could have been bad.
Don't know about say, but this was the funniest thing I have ever seen a confused pt do. I was doing LTC, and this sweet LOL was just sitting in her room, listening to the radio, door to the room wide open. I walked by a thousand times in the first part of my shift, and she would wave as I pasted by. After lunch, for some unknown reason she takes her shirt off and is sitting there half naked in front of the door.
Thinking she was hot, I turn the AC on, help her dress, and leave. Go back by a few minutes later, no shirt on. Dress her again. Repeat about 5 times. Finally I said "you don't want everyone walking by seeing your breast do you?" She says no, I dress her, leave again.
A few minutes later, I walk by again and she has no shirt on, and is carefully tucking her breast into the waistband of her pants (the waist was in the right spot, too!). Maybe you had to be there, lol. Anyway, at this point I gave up, and just closed her door.
Then, another lol, in the middle of the night, was in the bathroom. Her foley bag was hooked to the bed, and the foley was stretched about 9 feet across the room, still in. Owwww! Didn't know they stretched so far! She was fine, but just thinking about it hurt me. She was one of those need to go pee, with the foley in pts.
Elevator alarm is going off. I see an elderly, veeeerrrry elderly gentleman attempting to enter elevator. I run over, put my arm around his shoulders and say "oh just a second sir, I need to shut off the alarm." While trying to turn him away from elevators. He doesn't say anything but is resisting. So I call to my floor partner who is all of two steps away and having an animated conversation with a resident. He doesn't hear me...elderly gentleman trruuuullllyyy resisting my attentions at this point. So I call out to the resident who bursts out laughing and in her fab deep southern accent says "Oh honey, thats Mrs. Smiths husband." :selfbonk:
we have a new lady where i work in LTC.... veryyyyyy confused and combative to say the least.....
first off she thinks we kidnapped ehr and tried to call the police all day long....
then the otehr day in the dining room she didnt finish her meal completely and asked for a to go box.... when i told her we dont have to go boxes she got very upset and looked like she wanted to cry lol
i work labor and delivery. most of our patients are young and in relatively good physical and mental health. however, i swear the full moon brings them that aren't mentally ok out and about. and yes to my hospital. we had a woman come in because "my bellybutton is wet". she stated that she had taken a shower and her belly button was wet. i asked her if she had tried drying it with a towel, says yes but it keeps leaking. about 6 months pregnant, guess she thought she musta sprung a leak. we cleared her ob status as all well and tried to assure her that if her membranes had ruptured she would not be leaking from the bellybutton. sent her home, she came back at term and delivered in the usual fashion. nothing from the belly button.
i swear that when there is a full moon i can hear membranes rupture all over the city, more specifically, those of the crazies! someone must have told them that kerry is charge today - come one, come all.
A schizophrenic old woman told the voices not to kill me. (I appreciated that!) When another nurse walked in, she told the voices, "No, don't say that to her. Don't tell her she's fat, it wouldn't be nice."
I had a pleasantly confused pt who said "you stole my bracelet, give it back, it's mine "She was pointing to the bracelet on my wrist. I laughed and tried to reorient her without success. Her roommate told and aide that I stole the other patient's bracelet. Of course everyone I work with knows the bracelet is mine, so we all had a good laugh. Then her friend came to visit and came to the desk and reported to the charge nurse that I stole the bracelet. It was hard:lol2: to get this person to understand because she was also a little confused. What a night!
my shift at the delivery room.we had this primigravid girl, 17 on active labor.she was laid at the delivery table.it all started out ok..her contractions were normal and she was even smiling.she didnt want anesthesia for she wanted the "high" feeling so we didnt give her..so as she was laboring, at first she was smiling very sweet at us and even thanking us for well being there..and a minute has passed her contractions became so intense and she was screaming her lungs out, cussing everybody inside the delivery room.she yelling at her bf who was there at that time telling him she will kill her for what he did to her..then she suddenly yelled, " MY GOD!! (name of bf) D**N YOU!!I WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!!IT ALL CAME IN AS A BANANA NOW IT COMES OUT LIKE A PINEAPPLE!! @%$*&!^#!!!!" everybody in the room tried to focus on the delivery while trying to hold ourselves from laughing..
another one is still from the delivery room..another juvenile mom to be..so she was in the bed side rails up waiting for the BOW to rupture..everythings fixed and well she was behaving herself well and was groggy of the meds we gave her...so when the BOW finally broke, we started assisting with the delivery.as soon as the fetal head was visible, to our surprise, she kicked the OB-Gyne, suddenly stood up and ran around the room screaming that she doesnt wanna do this anymore and she wanted out..we called 2 male nurses to bring her back to the delivery table and try to pin her down to safely deliver the baby.as we did that she then sang our national song.we looked at each other, trying to concentrate on delivering the baby while laughing *silently* behind our masks..fortunately the baby did not fall to the floor and was healthy and active.....and the OB was ok..:chuckle:yelclap:
one of my friends had an appendectomy a couple of months ago. She has told us a couple of statements she made when coming out of the anesthesia "Thy took it they took my appendix for no good reason" and "that was my favorite appendix"
I had a lady who spent hours on end screaming for her son. One day she stopped to calmly tell me that when I have child (and I do) to be sure to have them in a hospital and not in a field in Vietnam. She said when you're out there in the fields, the babies just slide right out and there are no doctors. She then proceeded to call one of my coworkers a "coat hanger" which we think was an insult then went back to yelling.
:lol2: 
lpnstudentin2010, LPN
1,318 Posts
He was lucky that the man who lived there now was a paramedic. That could have been bad.