I work in neuro. the land of confusion. I spent my entire evening last night in an abortion clinic (according to my patient)...
Its a unique thing when a pt. that looks so intact says something so off such as: did ya know if you name your kid something less than 5 letters its free but if more than 5-you pay more taxes. Or the lady who when asked her PMH on the admission forms says: i died twice, the drs brought me back to life with toothpaste and extracted the devil from my rectum....right.....
Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.
I just thought of another one... and I really don't know why this always makes me laugh so hard...
Sometimes confused patients, especially patients who have had CVA's, will repeat phrases over and over that they have heard...
A unit clerk that I used to work with was telling me about a little old lady that was once a patient on the unit... who, one night, inexplicably, kept yelling over and over and over again... "Blue Cross! Blue Shield! Blue Cross! Blue Shield!!"
That made me laugh SO hard and I to this day really don't know why.
Specializes in CTICU, Interventional Cardiology, CCU.
we were loading an elderly woman into the helicopter during an interfacility transfer when she grabbed my collar and asked if either me or my partner would "please ride with me". I told her that we both would probably get in if that'd make her feel better!
I felt so bad because it never dawned on us that she thought we'd just shove her in there and then leave her alone!
another time a woman had wrecked her car into a tree. when we arrived the police and firefighters had formed a cordon around the victim, who was on the side of the road, ambulatory and completely naked. She kept pointing at the tree and yelling "I want that man arrested!" (minor damage, subsequently was found to have no closed head injury) When we were immobilizing her, I asked if she had any ID and she put her fingers into her lady parts, producing 23 cents in change. I said "thank you" and put it in a specimen bag. We tried to get the security guards at the hospital to log it but they would have NOTHING to do with it!!
Thats the funniest thing I have heard all day..I had 3 codes last night so this post def. made me laugh! I had a pt. urinate all over the floor tonight just for fun too on top of the 3 codes..thanks for the laugh!!:bowingpur
i had 2 patients when i was a nurse tech with sundowners. 1 of them, i was standing at the front desk with the nurses & we all heard this loud thug & we all went running to his room. he had falling out of bed with his scd's on. why he had fallen out to this day i'm still not for sure. when we turned on the light he said, "man overboard, man overboard, the ship wrecked the ship wrecked!" he thought he was back in the navy on the boat. it was probably one of the funniest things we had all ever heard. it took everything we had for us all not to laugh because he was so serious. thankful he wasn't hurt at all.
my 2nd patient, had a partial [color=#333333]pneumonectomy & as soon as his wife left that night he started going crazy saying we were going to kill him for sacrifice & such. the nurses asked him if he wanted to talk to a priest thinking that was going to calm him down. he was like no because then you're going to kill me when i'm done. the nurses thought calling his wife might calm him down. it did quite the opposite. while on the phone with his wife he proceeded to tell her to call 911, we were going to kill him, & by the time she got back to the hospital he was probably going to be dead. poor man!
and then there was the man who, in his confusion, removed his oxygen saturation probe from his finger and stuck it on his member. i left it there, because he was sound asleep and not trying to climb out of bed or remove any other equipment. when he woke up, he panicked. "help," he screamed! "i got my dick caught in a vice, and you'll have to cut it off!"
what is it about the foley...i swear..its always the foley..if they arent trying to pull it out they are insisting they have to get up to pee...i would dangle the bag in front of the pt. and say....look...you are going into the bag so just go...5 minutes later..I have to go to the bathroom!
It causes pressure on the sphincter, causing a "too full" feeling.
On a mental health clinical one patient told me he was 54 billion years old and he actually had a really good explanation for being so! When I told him he looked pretty good for a 54 billion year old he stated "its because I went to the future and came back with the antidote for aging... [he started whispering at this point], dont tell anyone, its because when I was in the future, I had access to a time machine, so I went back into the past and invented sugar, which is made out of jiggy-mo-ridge-moos".
Then when I was in the forensic unit, a patient told me this joke:
"A dog and a cow are talking, what did the dog say?.... *meow*"
He went on to explain that the cat had interupted and that cats were very rude and evil and no matter what you must never interupt a talking dog.
We had a very sweet resident who walked up to my friend and carefully read her namebadge, which was pinned on her blouse. "Jean" he said. "Yep" Jean replied. "What do you call the other one?" he asked, shifting his gaze to her other breast. He was quite sincere and Jean and I still laugh about it 20 years later.
On a mental health clinical one patient told me he was 54 billion years old and he actually had a really good explanation for being so! When I told him he looked pretty good for a 54 billion year old he stated "its because I went to the future and came back with the antidote for aging... [he started whispering at this point], dont tell anyone, its because when I was in the future, I had access to a time machine, so I went back into the past and invented sugar, which is made out of jiggy-mo-ridge-moos".
Then when I was in the forensic unit, a patient told me this joke:
"A dog and a cow are talking, what did the dog say?.... *meow*"
He went on to explain that the cat had interupted and that cats were very rude and evil and no matter what you must never interupt a talking dog.
He was coming down from his Meth high.
I had a talking dog once, but I sold him for $25 because he was nothing but a liar!
We had a man in the Alzheimers unit get let out by the air conditioner man. He walked to a nearby apartment building and knocked on a womans door. Told her he was there to buy the musical instrument she had for sale. She knew he was confused and asked where he lived. He gave her an address and she drove him over there. He got out of the car and went to the door of the place he had lived in 1953. The man who opened the door there was a paramedic and called the police knowing the situation this must be. Meanwhile we had several hours of searching for him and dealing with police and endless paperwork.
NurseCard, ADN
2,850 Posts
I just thought of another one... and I really don't know why this always makes me laugh so hard...
Sometimes confused patients, especially patients who have had CVA's, will repeat phrases over and over that they have heard...
A unit clerk that I used to work with was telling me about a little old lady that was once a patient on the unit... who, one night, inexplicably, kept yelling over and over and over again... "Blue Cross! Blue Shield! Blue Cross! Blue Shield!!"
That made me laugh SO hard and I to this day really don't know why.