I work in neuro. the land of confusion. I spent my entire evening last night in an abortion clinic (according to my patient)...
Its a unique thing when a pt. that looks so intact says something so off such as: did ya know if you name your kid something less than 5 letters its free but if more than 5-you pay more taxes. Or the lady who when asked her PMH on the admission forms says: i died twice, the drs brought me back to life with toothpaste and extracted the devil from my rectum....right.....
I had a young man as a patient who had a closed head injury and a fractured pelvis. He wore a pelvic fixator, but was ambulatory. I caught him wandering down the hall away from his room and went to bring him back.
"C'mon', I said. "Let's go back to your room."
He turned and looked at me. "What'd you have in mind?"
Nothing, given the state of his pelvis!
Tha same patient was in his room when the call light and code blue light above his door began going off. A few of us hustled into the room, thinking there might be a problem. He was standing there with his ATM card out, punching all the buttons.
He later made a full recovery.
Then there was the patient in neuro ICU who couldn't remember his name. One of my leather lunged colleagues was bellowing "What's your name?", over and over at him, till we finally shut the glass door to his room so we wouldn't have to listen to it. One of our other nurses was inspired to use the intercom system to help "reorient" this individual, who had been found down on the streets of Nashville with a dirty needle in his sock and a bad case of the clap.
"My name is John Doe", she intoned over the speaker.
He sat up and repeated, "My name is John Doe!"
"I am in the neuro unit from Hell", she droned.
"I am in the neuro unit from Hell!", he repeated.....for the next several days, whenever the resident assessed his orientation.
My favorites are the ones who want you to "let them go to bed" when they're already lying in one.....or keep insisting they have to pee when they have a foley catheter. Makes for a long night........
I had a young man as a patient who had a closed head injury and a fractured pelvis. He wore a pelvic fixator, but was ambulatory. I caught him wandering down the hall away from his room and went to bring him back.
"C'mon', I said. "Let's go back to your room."
He turned and looked at me. "What'd you have in mind?"
Nothing, given the state of his pelvis!
Tha same patient was in his room when the call light and code blue light above his door began going off. A few of us hustled into the room, thinking there might be a problem. He was standing there with his ATM card out, punching all the buttons.
He later made a full recovery.
Then there was the patient in neuro ICU who couldn't remember his name. One of my leather lunged colleagues was bellowing "What's your name?", over and over at him, till we finally shut the glass door to his room so we wouldn't have to listen to it. One of our other nurses was inspired to use the intercom system to help "reorient" this individual, who had been found down on the streets of Nashville with a dirty needle in his sock and a bad case of the clap.
"My name is John Doe", she intoned over the speaker.
He sat up and repeated, "My name is John Doe!"
"I am in the neuro unit from Hell", she droned.
"I am in the neuro unit from Hell!", he repeated.....for the next several days, whenever the resident assessed his orientation.
My favorites are the ones who want you to "let them go to bed" when they're already lying in one.....or keep insisting they have to pee when they have a foley catheter. Makes for a long night........
what is it about the foley...i swear..its always the foley..if they arent trying to pull it out they are insisting they have to get up to pee...i would dangle the bag in front of the pt. and say....look...you are going into the bag so just go...5 minutes later..I have to go to the bathroom!
There are some great stories here, keep them coming.
Some of my favourites:
"I hope the voices in your head are happy because mine are doing fine.":yeah:
"I need to go out for a cigarette, if I dont I will die horribly from renal failure!" (Psych Pt with no renal Hx)
Two LOL's ./c CRAFT, (Cant Remember A Flammin' Thing)
Pt A, "I think I will have toast with my breakfast" (Dinner Time)
Pt B, "You silly cow! It is Wednesday we have to go shopping" (It was Saturday)
Pt A, "No it isn't, it is Monday so I want toast!"
The conversation went down-hill and abusive from there, I could just stand there and laugh as they confused each other further and insulted each others memory and inteligence.
We had a delightful schizophrenic on ward who had a number of voices telling him stories and jokes at inappropriate times to which he would laugh and carry on a conversation with them. The one side of the conversation that we could hear was enough to have anyone nearbye in stitches.
Specializes in Cardiac surgery and percutaneous interve.
These stories are absolutely hilarious!
I worked in Cardiac surgery and we had a patient once with a long list of psych history... she had wigs she wore for her different moods and personalities- if she wore her braids- don't mess with her! She had dolls she was talking to like a baby and she would rock them and sing to them all day and all night at the top of her lungs!
On the days she wore braids she would frequently get naked and scream bloody murder at her bedside- door open, standing at the window naked and screaming- quite a sight!
This woman had previous suicide attempts in her hx so we kept a close eye on her and we walked by her room and she had a wash cloth stuffed in her mouth- her nurse ran in and ripped it out and said "oh no ya don't! Not on my watch!"- she thought she was trying to suffocate herself- the woman was just trying to stop screaming since we yelled at her all day to stop disrupting the other patients!
This woman was with us for too long and she caused a huge fight between a wife and a husband... her neighbor across the hall was trached and isolation- this woman passed him a note saying that she knew he wanted to be with her and he didn't need to speak to proclaim his love! This man was so confused by this and had strokes, so he couldnt remove the letter from the room and we had no idea she pit it in there- so wife shows up and reads the letter and is furious- we tried to explain that nothing was going on and he doesn't even know the woman and the wife still stormed out of the unit!
Specializes in Cardiac surgery and percutaneous interve.
just thought of another crazy one--
I worked in cardiac surgery and an old man was in and out of confusion all night... when the nurse checked on him he was sleeping- about an hour later, the cops called to make sure everything was okay- the patient wrote help in shaving cream backwards on the window facing the street! someone saw it and called 911! when we went to see what the patient was doing he was locked in the bathroom with his 2 chest tubes, external pacer and foley taped around his chest and was armed with shaving cream ready to shoot when we walked into the bathroom!
My husband had a man come from his room naked with a plastic bag from the trash can on each foot and one stuffed up his butt and asked if he was doing this right. He had a hard time stopping laughing.
I had a patient cover her bed entirely with dentures. This was a four floor facility and she had gone to every one of them collecting teeth. She had to have taken them out of peoples mouths. This was during the day while everyone was up.
My husband had a man come from his room naked with a plastic bag from the trash can on each foot and one stuffed up his butt and asked if he was doing this right. He had a hard time stopping laughing.
I had a patient cover her bed entirely with dentures. This was a four floor facility and she had gone to every one of them collecting teeth. She had to have taken them out of peoples mouths. This was during the day while everyone was up.
You just can't get others to believe what we see sometimes!!
Actually, I can't say the patient was confused but definitely lacked common sense! This was actually a patient of my fiance's. Well, this young woman in her 20's came to the ER and complained she was pregnant. She stated I don't understand how this happened. He asked well 4 months ago you were put on the birth control pill so have you been taking it everyday around the same time? She answered yes. Then the next questions did you miss any doses or were you put on any antibiotics? NOPE, I took it everyday as I was told and at the same time 2pm. Then he said I don't understand have you had nausea or vomiting during the last four months. Again, she answered NOPE. The only problem I can think of is almost everytime I put it in it would fall out eventually! This just goes to show you sometimes you have to be extremely thorough! The pill goes in the mouth not the lady parts. As the saying goes don't assume! This happened at UMDNJ.:icon_roll
Specializes in private duty/home health, med/surg.
Maybe this was just funny at the time but the funniest thing I ever heard a patient say was a 96 year old lady we were teaching to use an Incentive spirometer-- she sucked on the Incentive spirometer and then said loudly "it's just like sucking on a member". I know we all almost died laughing.
OMG! :lol2: I can't stop laughing about this one!!
I worked in cardiac surgery and an old man was in and out of confusion all night... when the nurse checked on him he was sleeping- about an hour later, the cops called to make sure everything was okay- the patient wrote help in shaving cream backwards on the window facing the street! someone saw it and called 911! when we went to see what the patient was doing he was locked in the bathroom with his 2 chest tubes, external pacer and foley taped around his chest and was armed with shaving cream ready to shoot when we walked into the bathroom!
LOL. I dont know how many of pts. think they are being kidnapped. Ive lost count how many nights I hear someone screaming..call the cops! You can't hold me against my will! Or the lady I had who swore we were sstaying in the hilton (dont I wish) and kept telling me she was just going to go out to the balcony and smoke...i kept reminding her that was a window and we were on the 4th floor.
Or the lol who i had restrained bc she insisted on pulling her brain drain...a code was called overhead and she looks at me all innocent and says....its ok..you should go they need you..you can leave me like this, ill be ok...
My good friend had colon CA surgery and had just came out of recovery. She was on some strong pain meds and drifting in and out of sleep. She asked me to go and get the nurse and quick get her some towels. Thinking maybe she needed towels to reposistion herself, I did as I was asked. When the nurse returned with 4 bath towels and asked what she could do to help, my friend (in alot of pain, and having gone through childbirth 4xs prior stated, "I am in labor, and when I push, you get down there and catch this baby on the towels". Took a while to convince her she was NOT to push, and NOT going to deliver a baby.
GrnHonu99, RN
1,459 Posts
rofl.