Funeral Director messed up BIG time

Nurses General Nursing

Published

What is wrong with people? I had a patient die at 11:30 this evening. I had worked with the family all night trying to calm them and let them know what was happening as it was happening. I sat with a room full of 20 people, explained mottling, apnea, end of life temperature spikes, etc. Everyone did really well, even the sister who wasn't as accepting of the hospice decision at the start of the shift. Anyway, he did die before I left. I called the Chaplin out and they asked her to call the funeral home while I was in report. When I walked out of the room, one of his daughters asked me if it was too late to call another funeral home or if they had to stay with their first choice. It seems the funeral director called the wife in the room to ask her about specific arrangments:angryfire This woman had just lost her husband of 40 some years, do ya really think an hour after he dies is the proper time to ask her about funeral arrangments? WHAT COULD HE HAVE BEEN THINKING???? I was sick to my stomach, I pulled out our phone book and let the children pick another funeral home. Our chaplin called the original place and told them not to come. They didn't understand why, YEESH. Sorry, just had to vent.:nono:

Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.

Sorry, all. I am going to have to stick by my original post. I have been in an inpatient hospice facility over a year now. With well over 500 deaths in this year alone, I think I can speak with some authority on this matter. It was completely inappropriate for this to have happened. What usually happens is the funeral home picks up the body and the family goes in the morning after a good nights sleep to make arrangements. One hour after the man dies is not the right time to be asking these questions. As far as him being in Hospice, this man was not sick for long. It was still a shock for this family that he was even in our program, let alone die that night. Arrangements weren't made because you don't expect that your husband will be fine one day and be dead two days later. It is sad and disappointing to me that things happened they way they did and I stand by that.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Wound Care.
I'm not sure about everywhere, but down in the South, our funeral directors almost always pick up the body immediately, and leave a card/contact # for us to call for details later. Then the next day the family is called in to discuss details, financing, etc. But, we tend to move slower down here too... (sarcastically said) soo.... who knows what happens all over US.

This is my experience here in the NE also. Calling a family in a room immediately following a death is not professional at all. That is not a time to be asking for decisions, regardless of hospice or not. The next day is soon enough in any situation. They aren't doing anything to that body that day, regardless of type of burial or cremation.

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Hmmm....it begins to occur to me that maybe OUR funeral homes here aren't doing it right.......I just didn't know better........hmmmm.......

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Specializes in ER, NICU, NSY and some other stuff.
I'm not sure about everywhere, but down in the South, our funeral directors almost always pick up the body immediately, and leave a card/contact # for us to call for details later. Then the next day the family is called in to discuss details, financing, etc. But, we tend to move slower down here too... (sarcastically said) soo.... who knows what happens all over US.

This has also been my experience. The FH picks up the body and calls the family in the morning. I have NEVER had a FH try to talk about arrangements at 23:00.

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I just wonder how old the man was, only because I know of families it total disbelief when pops gets sick and dies...even though he was in his 80's. Married 40 something years could refer to a man who married in his 20's or 40's. I wouldn't want to be insensitive to the family but it doesn't sound like, from what we can gleen on here, he didn't do anything truly offensive.

I know what it is like to be in denial. My father died from complications from triple bypass surgery at age 57 and when this nurse came out of the operating area to let us know my father was not doing well and to ask if he had a living will or advance directive...you should have seen my mother start shaking her head madly and acting like that nurse was a wretched evil person to even suggest my father would DIE. We thought she was the WORST nurse in the world and it became an inside joke among us. Like it or not 5 weeks later they told us it was time to take him off the machines and as bad as it was we had to swallow it, just like this family you describe is having to do. It's a hard time and there's no way around it, and it could have been worse.

I'll tell you what is offensive, though. I worked behind an LPN on the night shift at the nursing home and one morning I came in and learned that one of our patients died overnight and when the nurse called the family he didn't get an answer so he left news of their mother's death on their answering machine. Now that is something to get upset over!

Sorry you and the family had to go through this difficult time.

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Specializes in CCU,ICU,ER retired.

I usually call the funeral home and give the basic info they need and the FH picks up the patient and calls the family the next day. If they have a donation we call them first and they make arrangements to get whatever donations they have and then they call the funeral home. I always ask if the family wants to talk to them yet or deal with it the next day.

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Specializes in med surg,peds,ER,Dr. office.

It has to be taken care of. You cant let the man stay in the room until the family gets it together. I found with my father it helped us focus on the next step and get a grip on the fact that he was gone forever.

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Specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.
It has to be taken care of. You cant let the man stay in the room until the family gets it together.

Why can't they stay until they are ready to leave? I never understood rushing a family out of their deceased loved one's room. We allow our familys to stay as long as they need, understanding this is probably the last time they will see them outside of a casket. I have familys who stay an hour and some that stay 8 hours. As a Hospice nurse, my work does not end when a patient dies. In fact, the post mortem care I preform is just as important as the cardiac drips I once hung. This is the ULTIMATE in Holistic care. What a rush;)

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Wound Care.
It has to be taken care of. You cant let the man stay in the room until the family gets it together. I found with my father it helped us focus on the next step and get a grip on the fact that he was gone forever.

It is being taken care of. The body is picked up, the family goes home. Arrangements are made the next day. I have NEVER in my 24 years of nursing had a FH call the deceased's room. The family is in no condtion to make decisions at that time.

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Specializes in Occ health, Med/surg, ER.

I have had several deaths in my family, and never did the funeral home request to make arrangements until the following morning.

A funeral home needs to have compassion for the family immediately after the passing of a family member, regardless if the death was expected or not. Whatever arrangements that needed to be discussed could have waited until the morning.

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We visited a funeral home during training & were told that as soon as the bring the body to the funeral home, they start getting it ready. Even when it's the middle of the night, they are not allowed to just leave it there to wait until morning. Perhaps that's why he wanted to consult with the family. Perhaps it was just a simple, "Do you want the body embalmed?" Just a thought...

Dixie

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We visited a funeral home during training & were told that as soon as the bring the body to the funeral home, they start getting it ready. Even when it's the middle of the night, they are not allowed to just leave it there to wait until morning. Perhaps that's why he wanted to consult with the family. Perhaps it was just a simple, "Do you want the body embalmed?" Just a thought...

Dixie

i'm not even understanding that logic.

what a fh does once the body gets there, is on their dime.

but until that time, it belongs to the family/facility.

i often have families that stay for hrs.

when it starts approaching the 12 hr mark, i gently encourage them to leave.

you know when the body has been there too long...

as does the family, most times.

as far as fh's go, i once (and only once) had an employee from the fh come to take the body.

i offered my assistance, since there was only 1.

he insisted it wouldn't be necessary.

i walked into the deceased room to find this guy lifting the body over his shoulder.

i felt my skin temp rise 1000 degrees.

in a very low/quiet voice, i exchanged a few, choice words with him.

anyway, my point is, that funeral homes and their employees, are trained and held to a very high standard of care.

this includes sensitivity on all levels.

to pursue the business end of dying, immediately after death, is an atrocity.

it should never, ever happen.

anything can wait for 24 hrs.

leslie

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