Funeral Director messed up BIG time

[ShayRN]

What is wrong with people? I had a patient die at 11:30 this evening. I had worked with the family all night trying to calm them and let them know what was happening as it was happening. I sat with a room full of 20 people, explained mottling, apnea, end of life temperature spikes, etc. Everyone did really well, even the sister who wasn't as accepting of the hospice decision at the start of the shift. Anyway, he did die before I left. I called the Chaplin out and they asked her to call the funeral home while I was in report. When I walked out of the room, one of his daughters asked me if it was too late to call another funeral home or if they had to stay with their first choice. It seems the funeral director called the wife in the room to ask her about specific arrangments:angryfire This woman had just lost her husband of 40 some years, do ya really think an hour after he dies is the proper time to ask her about funeral arrangments? WHAT COULD HE HAVE BEEN THINKING???? I was sick to my stomach, I pulled out our phone book and let the children pick another funeral home. Our chaplin called the original place and told them not to come. They didn't understand why, YEESH. Sorry, just had to vent.

[lsyorke, RN]

We visited a funeral home during training & were told that as soon as the bring the body to the funeral home, they start getting it ready. Even when it's the middle of the night, they are not allowed to just leave it there to wait until morning. Perhaps that's why he wanted to consult with the family. Perhaps it was just a simple, "Do you want the body embalmed?" Just a thought...

Dixie

I was at a wake today and was talking to the funeral director. He has NEVER called a family in the room, and said this would be very unprofessional. The norm is to have the family come in the next day to make the arrangements. Nothing is done to the body until those arrangements are finalized.

[bagladyrn, RN]

You all may want to keep in mind that there are differences in funeral customs and thoughts as to what is appropriate varying by regions and cultural groups even within the US. What may seem normal to us may seem very out of place to another.

To the OP - also think about the fact that you only heard a second hand account of the converstion from someone who was already emotionally overwrought. The reality of the conversation may have been just as related - or it could have been very different. How many times have we been misinterpreted by an upset family member?

[ShayRN]

You all may want to keep in mind that there are differences in funeral customs and thoughts as to what is appropriate varying by regions and cultural groups even within the US. What may seem normal to us may seem very out of place to another.

To the OP - also think about the fact that you only heard a second hand account of the converstion from someone who was already emotionally overwrought. The reality of the conversation may have been just as related - or it could have been very different. How many times have we been misinterpreted by an upset family member?

I would love this to be the case. However another nurse was in the room and took the phone from the wife. The funeral director told her he needed information on when and what time the family wanted to have calling hours and asked that she put the wife back on the phone. When she refused because of how distressed the wife was, he then asked to speak with one of the children. She told him he was being inappropriate and hung up. I don't know if I made myself perfectly understood in my original post. This man had been dead less than an HOUR. It was almost 1:00 in the morning, after a long and emotional day of watching a loved one die. How in God's name is this behavior OK with anyone?????:angryfire

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I agree, totally inappropriate.

[bigsyis]

In our locale, when I was Charge on a Medical Floor and in ER, a family could request the services of a specific Funeral Home. Not one time, under any circumstance, were arrangements discussed at the time of the removal of the body! Part of the initial call that we made to the FH was to provide contact information for whomever had agreed to it before we placed the call. The FH would then wait a couple of hours for the family to begin to assimilate the news and return to their home(s) before they contacted them.

I guess the jug with the milk of human kindness in it is more full where I live.

[TiffyRN, BSN, PhD]

The funeral director told her he needed information on when and what time the family wanted to have calling hours

That's inappropriate, no excuse, but I'm sure the funeral home got that message when they lost that business. And all the business they will lose due to bad word of mouth. Funeral homes get most of their business from word of mouth.