First rotation in Oncology...makes me sad

I am sort of peeved, and sad, that my first rotation is in the Oncology unit. I think it is a hard place to put new students. We are the only ones, out of 90+ students in the day program, to be on this unit. Everyone is very nice - I have no problems with that.

My problem is that I lost my mother a year ago this week, at the age of 61. She had survived a non-smoking related lung cancer twice (only needed surgery, no chemo), but had been having terrible back pain for many years. She was on some heavy meds, an inplanted TENS unit, and eventually an implanted pump for Dilaudid. After getting a (relatively, for her) clean bill of health from her oncologist, she died of a massive heart attack last September 29th, the day before my son's 11th birthday.

My pt tomorrow (without going into much detail) is an end-stage cancer pt, unresponsive, needing total care. The pt. is between 50 - 60 - young by any means.

I haven't told my clinical instructor about this, but I know tomorrow is going to be very, very hard. Last week was not, because my pt. had a mass removed, but it wasn't cancerous. The pt. was very actively participating in their care last week, and was a wonderful person to a brand-new student.

I'm so afraid of crying tomorrow, thinking about my mom. I just don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow, and maybe the next few weeks, trying to act professional and not break down.

I'm an LPN, two years ago I lost my Mom and Dad both within 2 months of each other. I took a month off and went back, it was hard...still is, but you get thru it the best you can. If the tears come, don't fight it, excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom and let it out. In the end, you will be much more compassionate and understanding to the pts and especially their families. If your instructor questions you, be honest, but don't let it interfere in your clinical experience. You can learn as much from the bad stuff as from the good. Keep your chin up!

Teresa

[PennyLane, RN]

I think you should voice your feelings to your instructor. Especially with this being your first clinical rotation, he/she should be really understanding. Anniversaries of loved ones' deaths are particularly hard times of the year. We're not robots--we have feelings even if we're at work or in school. You should try and get another assignment for tomorrow.

Best wishes to you.

[renerian, BSN, RN]

I too have lost several family members to cancer. I worked on a hem/onc/bmt unit for over 6 years during the time of two of those family member deaths, one being my dad. Yes that was hard. I looked at it this way. I learned so much about life/the will to survive, courage, faith and how to care for people not just physically but mentally. I learned how important the family unit is, that needs as much if not more than the patient, support, courage and someone to be a knowledgeble person for them.

You can learn so much from people who are so ill. Don't count it out yet. I asked to go back to that type of unit 3 more semesters when others were running the opposite way and found a true place I could make a genuine difference in that family forever.

They saw my dedication and genuine concern and asked me to work there 4 weeks before I graduated. I accepted.

renerian

[HyperRNRachel]

I too have lost several family members to cancer. I worked on a hem/onc/bmt unit for over 6 years during the time of two of those family member deaths, one being my dad. Yes that was hard. I looked at it this way. I learned so much about life/the will to survive, courage, faith and how to care for people not just physically but mentally. I learned how important the family unit is, that needs as much if not more than the patient, support, courage and someone to be a knowledgeble person for them.

You can learn so much from people who are so ill. Don't count it out yet. I asked to go back to that type of unit 3 more semesters when others were running the opposite way and found a true place I could make a genuine difference in that family forever.

They saw my dedication and genuine concern and asked me to work there 4 weeks before I graduated. I accepted.

renerian

Well said.

[renerian, BSN, RN]

Thanks. I truely miss oncology.

renerian :)

[kario]

:) wow, what a predicament to be in. I have not started my clinicals yet, but I know the sentimental person that Iam I will probably break down more than once.I lost my stepfather to renal cell carcinoma 3 years back.

Be brave, and do what your heart tells you to do. Remember, God brings things to you for a reason. Pray about it.

Wannabe too! May 2006

I am sort of peeved, and sad, that my first rotation

is in the Oncology unit. I think it is a hard place to put new students. We are the only ones, out of 90+ students in the day program, to be on this unit. Everyone is very nice - I have no problems with that.

My problem is that I lost my mother a year ago this week, at the age of 61. She had survived a non-smoking related lung cancer twice (only needed surgery, no chemo), but had been having terrible back pain for many years. She was on some heavy meds, an inplanted TENS unit, and eventually an implanted pump for Dilaudid. After getting a (relatively, for her) clean bill of health from her oncologist, she died of a massive heart attack last September 29th, the day before my son's 11th birthday.

My pt tomorrow (without going into much detail) is an end-stage cancer pt, unresponsive, needing total care. The pt. is between 50 - 60 - young by any means.

I haven't told my clinical instructor about this, but I know tomorrow is going to be very, very hard. Last week was not, because my pt. had a mass removed, but it wasn't cancerous. The pt. was very actively participating in their care last week, and was a wonderful person to a brand-new student.

I'm so afraid of crying tomorrow, thinking about my mom. I just don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow, and maybe the next few weeks, trying to act professional and not break down.

[RNSuzq1, RN]

My problem is that I lost my mother a year ago this week, at the age of 61.

Hi Whitney,

My Dad died 4 years ago and then 1 year later we lost Mom (unbelievable losing both of them so quickly). I spent time with Mom in the ICU shortly before she passed and was very disturbed at the Nursing Care that she received. The hospital was incredibly short-staffed and the Nurses only had time to run in to check on Mom's vent, etc. (the technical side of things) - they never had time to get "personal with her", talk to her, etc. - she was more or less a machine they had to keep running. Since starting school I've heard that most ICU Nurses are only supposed to have 1 or 2 very critical patients and these Nurses had way more than that. I saw first hand that they were run off their feet, so I definitely don't blame the Nurses - they were doing all they could with the time they had.

That time with Mom was what kicked me in the behind and made me want to finally go back to school and get my RN - because obviously there is a great need out there. I sadly realized that I couldn't help my own Mother (except give her lots of TLC) - but decided then and there that if I was given the opportunity to be a Nurse, I could help someone elses Mom or Dad.... Yes, it will break my heart to see some patient dying in the ICU like my Mom - but having been through that, I think it will give me a great understanding for what the patient and their family are going through and what they need (because the family definitely needs some care as well).. My Siblings and I had to literally beg the staff to get answers to our many questions - in short, it was a horrible nightmare.

I'm dedicating my Nursing Career to my parents and have promised "them" and myself that no matter how busy, frazzled, tired, etc. I get at work - I'll somehow find the time to spend a few minutes with my patients to give them the type of tenderness that my folks never got at the end of their lives.

Whitney, if you can take all the pain of losing your Mom and turn it to good by helping another person in a similar situation, it might help you deal with her loss. Sorry for my long-winded post - I'm still dealing with these great losses, but it made me stronger and hoping it will make me a better, more caring and understanding Nurse. Peace...

My folks both spent a lot of time in the ICU and on the floor before they died. The staff was wonderful, but wanting "more" I took small photo albums with pictures of them that showed who they were before the illness. And I took in a huge bowl and kept it filled with candy...(I know how nurses are about chocolate!) and you know, they always had people "popping" into their rooms. They were more than just the strep pneumonia on a vent or the pt with aspiration pneumonia. Just my two cents...

[SarasotaRN2b]

I am sort of peeved, and sad, that my first rotation is in the Oncology unit. I think it is a hard place to put new students. We are the only ones, out of 90+ students in the day program, to be on this unit. Everyone is very nice - I have no problems with that.

My problem is that I lost my mother a year ago this week, at the age of 61. She had survived a non-smoking related lung cancer twice (only needed surgery, no chemo), but had been having terrible back pain for many years. She was on some heavy meds, an inplanted TENS unit, and eventually an implanted pump for Dilaudid. After getting a (relatively, for her) clean bill of health from her oncologist, she died of a massive heart attack last September 29th, the day before my son's 11th birthday.

My pt tomorrow (without going into much detail) is an end-stage cancer pt, unresponsive, needing total care. The pt. is between 50 - 60 - young by any means.

I haven't told my clinical instructor about this, but I know tomorrow is going to be very, very hard. Last week was not, because my pt. had a mass removed, but it wasn't cancerous. The pt. was very actively participating in their care last week, and was a wonderful person to a brand-new student.

I'm so afraid of crying tomorrow, thinking about my mom. I just don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow, and maybe the next few weeks, trying to act professional and not break down.

First, Whitney, I am sorry about your loss. I feel very fortunate that although my mom was diagnosed with IBC two years ago, she is doing very well today.

Don't be peeved. Do all students do a rotation in oncology? If so, doing it now, may be better. Don't worry about crying. I think if I was the daughter of your patient who knows that the end is near, I would be so touched by their tears. It doesn't matter that they didn't really no them, like family does, but that a connection is made is important.

[Maggie in NC]

I can totally relate to this post!! I always think of my mom laying in bed in extreme pain from bone cancer hooked to a morphine pump! There is an upside for me. I am a cancer survivor. I can see the pain of loss and the miracle of recovery. Oncology is not for everyone but, it's a place I want to go.

Look for the rays of hope and use your life experience with your mother to make all your patients feel your caring nature. I know you have alot of it, it shows in your post. And, if you cry, it's ok. (just make sure your instructor understands WHY you may cry.)

[RedSox33RN]

Thank you everyone. Your replies mean a lot to me.

As it turned out, the RN taking care of the pt. I was assigned to did not think it was a good case for such a new student, and asked me to get my instructor. I think the RN was correct - the pt. was only getting comfort measures at that point, so I was assigned another pt. At that point I was REALLY grateful for my new PDA with Taber's and Davis's on it, since I didn't have a lot of time to do research on my client.

But today is the first anniversary of my mother's death, and while it's been hard, I know she would be very proud of me. That has been a big factor in keeping me going. I do still think Oncology is a very difficult first rotation. Maybe in a few weeks I'll be glad that it was done this way, but right now......well, I think it's a lot to put on a new student. Heck, we only start doing VS this week in lab so we can do them next week on our pt's, but yet we've already had to deal with the heavy burden of newly dx'd cancer pt's and those at the end of their life. Quite a difference than dealing with people with a hernia repair or pancreatitis.

The RN's on the unit are just wonderful though. We all have learned a lot from them, and they are good with the students.