First complaint against me...

[EMSnut45]

I'm a new grad in a large ICU. I recently had my 6 month eval, which was pretty much the typical "keep on improving in these areas" kind of thing. I haven't had any "talks" with management, and feel that I'm starting to gain confidence.

As a nurse, I make every attempt to treat my patients the way that I would want to be treated if I were in that bed. The same for the family. I have been a patient myself as well as family members, so I have first-hand experience of what works and what doesn't. I try my best to ease the stress and anxiety for both the patient and their loved ones.

As far as I knew, I had been doing "fine"... until last night.

I took one of my patients for a walk around the unit, and had another nurse covering my other patient for me. When I got back, the covering nurse informed me that my other patient's family was very upset. When I went into their room, I was bombarded by two new family members who accused me of neglecting their mother. This patient was very fidgetty-- kicking the blankets off, pulling on her gown, taking the monitor leads off, and at one point had a death grip on her ETT despite being bilaterally wrist restrained. Apparently while I was gone, the patient had pulled off her monitor leads, and the monitor was alarming, and the family assumed that I didn't care about her because I wasn't running immediately into the room. I appologized, reconnected her, and stated that she was connected 10 minutes ago when I was last in the room, and had been in my other patient's room. Well, that didn't satisfy them at all. I let my charge nurse (who was also my preceptor before I was cut loose) know that there was some unhappiness, and she didn't have any advice. About an hour later, my educator stopped by the room and asked the family how things were going. Well, they ran out of the room with her to "tattle" on everything I did or didn't do in the 1/2 hour that they had been there.

They accused me of watching their mother fidget due to being uncomfortable and not do anything about it (this was just the way the patient was, and I didn't have any PRN anti-anxiety meds ordered to give her). They also didn't relay their concerns to me. They didn't like the towel that I had drapped around her neck to catch her drool. I hadn't turned her (we had just bathed her, and had been turned then). I didn't jump up when she coughed one time that made the ventilator alarm for 2 seconds-- even though I did poke my head in the room and explain that her coughing was a really good sign. Lastly, I had a nasty, condesending attitude that only got worse with each interaction that they had with me.

I ran into my educator later in the night and asked if I could speak to her. Well, I was bombarded with everything that the family had said about me. My side of the story was never asked for. My attempts at explaining myself were shooed away. I was told that this family has never complained about the care that their mother had received, and that this was significant that they had issues with me. In addition, I heard that I cannot trust my former preceptor, who I thought I could go to with problems, as she repeated everything I had vented to her about. Oh, and the best part? This all happened in the hallway outside the staff room at the end of my shift-- grand central station.

I left in tears. My character has been attacked. And I have learned that I can't trust anyone.

I'm really not interested in stepping foot in that hospital again. The management is so back stabbing and not supportive of their staff. I guess I'll have to learn to keep my mouth shut, and not talk to anyone.

[tablefor9, RN]

Call me crazy, but I'm for the assertive approach. When family members are at the bedside, I start my education blitz...here's what we're doing and the rationale for the action. Here's the plan of care and why. Goals and expectations and humor go a long way toward preventing the kind of cluster you're talking about. It's hard to run over someone who appears confident and capable and on the ball.

And, on the management side of things, I'm also for having a meeting. Make an appointment, explain that you have issue with the very unprofessional way your situation was handled and why, and that you expect things to progress in a far different manner should you need re-direction again. They can't eat you.

So...don't cry. And don't apologize.

[nursel56]

Kinda wonder why you had the other nurse "cover" your patient at all. If an alarm doesn't capture her attention, what would? Her blanket fell off? It's great she have you a heads up on the family being upset thing, but you were about to find that out for yourself in about 3 seconds. She might have better used that time to reconnect the pt herself. The mysteries of life. . .sorry that happened to you.

[freefalr]

Ehh...not necessarily! In 2002, I posted about a family complaint situation I had..no names were used. The facility where I worked was NEVER mentioned in my thread. One of my coworkers saw the post...and reported me to management!!! They said that because there was a link to my then-GeoCities homepage that stated where I worked, that ANYONE could easily identify whom I was talking about...not true really because you had to work there to know who I was talking about.

The DON stated that she knew who I was referring to and that I violated pt confidentiality. I told her that of course SHE knew who I was talking about because the family had been in her office complaining about everything numerous times. I ended up getting a 3 day suspension over it and probably could've grieved it with the Union but decided not to. I had already decided to leave that facility when this incident happened. Due to LOTS of backstabbing colleagues there.

Sure, I have facebook but I do not talk about any work stuff...nor do I have listed where I work. Too many problems could arise from listing that info or talking about work stuff. Just found out that my current DON has a facebook account. I blocked her. Moral of the story...gotta be REALLY careful about things on the internet. You never know who could be reading

sheesh!! that's awful.

thank you for posting this, nurse-lou. i don't facebook or myspace or linkedin or anything, but i do post here. like you said, you never know who could be reading. thank you for the heads-up!!

[birdwhisperer]

How many times do people have to complain about you before you ask...is it me? or is it a sign of the times? Is it them not liking what you say and getting reported that you were rude. and because someone complained before...you MUST be a problem person( but you are a great nurse)The patient is always right and when they complain no one asks your side of the story...because no matter WHAT you said the patient or family "PERCEIVED" you to be a certain way... I have been complained about for 1. asking an HIV+ patient to please not spit bloody sputum on sheets while I was there and to please use a tissue or a basin, complained about because I asked a family to please not sit on extra preop bed in the room as they needed to stay clean for next OR patient, complained about for asking family not to touch ventilator alarms ,because I told a patient I needed to ask his nurse if he could get out of bed before I got him up(that turned into she told me I am not your nurse),I was hugged by family members when they left , only to come back the next day to find out something I said or did made them complain....I have been a nurse for 39 years. How in the world did I ever make it this far? I am beside myself.I have been fired I am 58 years old. A paper trail was started and was not long after I was fired. Cannot receive unemployment as it has to be fired thru no fault of your own. Who will hire me now? What do I say on an application as to why I left?I have many Icu and pacu years experience but what will be said in a job reference?I traveled a lot and have had many jobs. These past few years have been trying to say the least . I feel hopeless, lost, trying not to cry, have endless nights when I think about what did I do(like tonight). I am not in a hurry

to work and my husband is a retired military who makes a good retirement...and he is supportive as he was also in healthcare..but I want to work.... I was proud to be a nurse , felt very confident in my skills, but I loved taking care of and helping people and hoped somehow somewhere that a good nurse would do the same for my family. I feel betrayed and yes , like I have been kicked in the gut. I have been applying for jobs for 2 months.....interviewed but no job. I am going to work in Volunteers in Medicene until something turns up but my confidence level is gone.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

How many times do people have to complain about you before you ask...is it me? or is it a sign of the times? Is it them not liking what you say and getting reported that you were rude. and because someone complained before...you MUST be a problem person( but you are a great nurse)The patient is always right and when they complain no one asks your side of the story...because no matter WHAT you said the patient or family "PERCEIVED" you to be a certain way... I have been complained about for 1. asking an HIV+ patient to please not spit bloody sputum on sheets while I was there and to please use a tissue or a basin, complained about because I asked a family to please not sit on extra preop bed in the room as they needed to stay clean for next OR patient, complained about for asking family not to touch ventilator alarms ,because I told a patient I needed to ask his nurse if he could get out of bed before I got him up(that turned into she told me I am not your nurse),I was hugged by family members when they left , only to come back the next day to find out something I said or did made them complain....I have been a nurse for 39 years. How in the world did I ever make it this far? I am beside myself.I have been fired I am 58 years old. A paper trail was started and was not long after I was fired. Cannot receive unemployment as it has to be fired thru no fault of your own. Who will hire me now? What do I say on an application as to why I left?I have many Icu and pacu years experience but what will be said in a job reference?I traveled a lot and have had many jobs. These past few years have been trying to say the least . I feel hopeless, lost, trying not to cry, have endless nights when I think about what did I do(like tonight). I am not in a hurry

to work and my husband is a retired military who makes a good retirement...and he is supportive as he was also in healthcare..but I want to work.... I was proud to be a nurse , felt very confident in my skills, but I loved taking care of and helping people and hoped somehow somewhere that a good nurse would do the same for my family. I feel betrayed and yes , like I have been kicked in the gut. I have been applying for jobs for 2 months.....interviewed but no job. I am going to work in Volunteers in Medicene until something turns up but my confidence level is gone.

Sometimes, it is just not about you as a nurse at all. It is more like they can hire 3 of you for the money they were paying you as a long term employee, AND create a nurse in their own image. One that has no pre-conceived notions that nursing is an art as well as a science.

I would deifinetely apply for unemployment and appeal if needed. If a paper trail was started AFTER you were let go, I am not sure how that can be even considered. If you have a union, use it. If you have malpractice insurance, call them. (NOT legal advice, just some random thoughts, per AN TOS)

In the meanwhile, what do you love to do in nursing? Can you get a perdiem position doing that? Home Health? Or even teaching LPN or Medical Assistant courses?

Best of luck to you in your endevours, and remember, it really, truly is more the norm that multi-year nurses are being let go at the drop of a hat--all dollars and little sense.

[nursel56]

I saw this yesterday, birdwhisperer and Jade has said what I would've said as well. Someone started a very similar thread a few weeks ago. She called it "the death of nursing'. You are not alone.

Many of us know someone who's loyalty and years of service and experience have been kicked to the curb but the ignorance of your former employer doesn't deserve space in your head. Think about the roar of approval your many past patients would send up if there was a way to ask them what they thought.

Please consider filing for unemployment if you need to. The rules regarding termination are not set in stone and any shady stuff they did to push you out the door they will have to account for in a hearing.

This doesn't have to mean your nursing career is over. Take some time to let the dust settle, be gentle with yourself and look into areas you may not have considered before. Come back to the forums to further explore ideas that seem workable. Wishing you the very best as you rebound from this setback.

[weirdscience]

I always, ALWAYS try to start over with the family or patient in order to maintain THAT relationship. Not all can be salvaged; however, a little bit of sincere acknowledgment that you disappointed/angered them, followed by a, "how can we start over? We are going to be together for 12 hours and I'd like to know I am meeting your expectations" can go a long way towards keeping management out of things (which, let's be honest, they'd prefer not to have to deal with it, either.)

I'm not saying I'm perfect or a doormat, but I am willing to eat crow and/or consider that the family's perception of excellent care does not always jive with mine, and it has saved me grief thus far.

[ajmclean]

This is a response in general. If you are counseled,write a response. Be objective, leave out feelings. Do not make counter accusations or bring up what someone else did. Reply directly to what accusations were leveled against you. Find out if the counselor talked to the family members separately or all together. Be succinct and concise. If any further actions occur, you'll have somewhat of a leg to stand on.

[DiplomaNurseRN]

..and again, and again... it comes with the job. You do what you can do, the best that situations allow, and move on. If your looking for kudos, laurels, cheers and tummy rubs in this job, your outta luck. It's the nature of our profession. Flossie, Clara and Dorothea are long gone .... as is the practice and environ they nursed in. I wish you the very best in your career!