First complaint against me...

[EMSnut45, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

I'm a new grad in a large ICU. I recently had my 6 month eval, which was pretty much the typical "keep on improving in these areas" kind of thing. I haven't had any "talks" with management, and feel that I'm starting to gain confidence.

As a nurse, I make every attempt to treat my patients the way that I would want to be treated if I were in that bed. The same for the family. I have been a patient myself as well as family members, so I have first-hand experience of what works and what doesn't. I try my best to ease the stress and anxiety for both the patient and their loved ones.

As far as I knew, I had been doing "fine"... until last night.

I took one of my patients for a walk around the unit, and had another nurse covering my other patient for me. When I got back, the covering nurse informed me that my other patient's family was very upset. When I went into their room, I was bombarded by two new family members who accused me of neglecting their mother. This patient was very fidgetty-- kicking the blankets off, pulling on her gown, taking the monitor leads off, and at one point had a death grip on her ETT despite being bilaterally wrist restrained. Apparently while I was gone, the patient had pulled off her monitor leads, and the monitor was alarming, and the family assumed that I didn't care about her because I wasn't running immediately into the room. I appologized, reconnected her, and stated that she was connected 10 minutes ago when I was last in the room, and had been in my other patient's room. Well, that didn't satisfy them at all. I let my charge nurse (who was also my preceptor before I was cut loose) know that there was some unhappiness, and she didn't have any advice. About an hour later, my educator stopped by the room and asked the family how things were going. Well, they ran out of the room with her to "tattle" on everything I did or didn't do in the 1/2 hour that they had been there.

They accused me of watching their mother fidget due to being uncomfortable and not do anything about it (this was just the way the patient was, and I didn't have any PRN anti-anxiety meds ordered to give her). They also didn't relay their concerns to me. They didn't like the towel that I had drapped around her neck to catch her drool. I hadn't turned her (we had just bathed her, and had been turned then). I didn't jump up when she coughed one time that made the ventilator alarm for 2 seconds-- even though I did poke my head in the room and explain that her coughing was a really good sign. Lastly, I had a nasty, condesending attitude that only got worse with each interaction that they had with me.

I ran into my educator later in the night and asked if I could speak to her. Well, I was bombarded with everything that the family had said about me. My side of the story was never asked for. My attempts at explaining myself were shooed away. I was told that this family has never complained about the care that their mother had received, and that this was significant that they had issues with me. In addition, I heard that I cannot trust my former preceptor, who I thought I could go to with problems, as she repeated everything I had vented to her about. Oh, and the best part? This all happened in the hallway outside the staff room at the end of my shift-- grand central station.

I left in tears. My character has been attacked. And I have learned that I can't trust anyone.

I'm really not interested in stepping foot in that hospital again. The management is so back stabbing and not supportive of their staff. I guess I'll have to learn to keep my mouth shut, and not talk to anyone.

[caliotter3]

Welcome to the world of nursing. You will find the same thing in many workplaces, with many supervisors, coworkers, and family members. You will need to learn how to roll with the punches. As long as you don't get canned after write ups and negative evaluations, you are ahead of the game.

[aura_of_laura]

Unfortunately, conflict resolution is a huge part of nursing.

Patients' families can be a pain in the neck, but they are usually just concerned about the patient's well-being. By not resolving the conlict before they or you left, you left yourself vulnerable to attack.

It's good practice to ask about the family's concerns, and demonstrate that you understand, and then explain exactly what you are doing to address them, or why they cannot be further addressed. Try to do this at the beginning and the end of your shift - it makes a world of difference, trust me!

Next time, if you really feel that the family is being unreasonable and there is nothing further you can do, I'd push for your supervisor to come over and say a few words to the family. Sometimes just hearing from the person in charge can alleviate some worries.

I'm afraid I agree with the family about the towel thing - it's an issue of dignity. If the family was present, I'd give them an ample supply of napkins and tell them what they can assist with. Keeps them busy, too

[RelloydRN]

Sometimes it helps to tell them every little detail of what you are doing so they know you are actually doing it for them. This I learned from nursing school. Remember that the patient's family are your patients too and more often than not, they don't know what you are doing unless they are healthcare professionals themselves.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Sorry you had this experience. As an educator, I am horrified by the way the educator responded in this situation. We (educators) should always be 'safe' refuges and a trusted resource for the staff we support. Obviously this educator doesn't understand the importance of trust and has chosen to adopt a quasi-management approach instead.... it makes me very sad .

I would recommend that you assert yourself and talk with the educator and your manager/supervisor. Take the opportunity to clarify expectations - theirs and yours - about professional interactions and mutual respect. Demonstrate the behavior for them by showing how an 'uncomfortable conversation' does not have to be disrespectful. Make sure that they know you are open to critical feedback when it is justified, but you expect them to treat you with respect:not scolding you in front of your colleagues; getting all sides of the story before jumping to conclusions; etc.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but this was a valuable learning experience. When you become a manager or educator ( I hope you will) you'll be much more skilled at handling awkward situations and maintaining a professional and respectful working environment.

[asfreeasabird]

Some days despite your best efforts people compain. I had a night when a patient was hyperkalemic and had received kayexallate and was up and down to the commode all night. I was charting outside her door and went in there everytime she needed to get up. She was a larger woman with charcot foot. One of the transfers the patient got scared and grabbed for my pants. I told the patient to let go of my pants(I nearly lost them). I was accused of being malicious, transfering without assistance(which I had everytime she was transfered). She and her daughter wrote a complaint, when I heard about it I went to my Team Leader. My team leader said she was not concerned about it she said go in the room apologize to the patient, and offer that a different nurse care for her the second night. I was so relieved my team leader trusted my character. I have been wanting to transfer to a different floor but we have excellent team work on my floor and a good management team, which can be hard to come by, so I stay where I am at.

I agree that if family is visably upset when you are there you should try to make it right. Better to eat humble pie in front of the patient and family than in front of the management team. Try to give them possible solutions for the things that they are saying. If she didn't have anything for anxiety is it reasonable in this situation to call for something? Did she need something for pain. Sometimes families need to see you in the room working, if you have all of your work done before they get there they feel like their family member is not being taken care of. Best of luck, I hope you figure things out.

[caliotter3]

Some days despite your best efforts people compain. I had a night when a patient was hyperkalemic and had received kayexallate and was up and down to the commode all night. I was charting outside her door and went in there everytime she needed to get up. She was a larger woman with charcot foot. One of the transfers the patient got scared and grabbed for my pants. I told the patient to let go of my pants(I nearly lost them). I was accused of being malicious, transfering without assistance(which I had everytime she was transfered). She and her daughter wrote a complaint, when I heard about it I went to my Team Leader. My team leader said she was not concerned about it she said go in the room apologize to the patient, and offer that a different nurse care for her the second night. I was so relieved my team leader trusted my character. I have been wanting to transfer to a different floor but we have excellent team work on my floor and a good management team, which can be hard to come by, so I stay where I am at.

I agree that if family is visably upset when you are there you should try to make it right. Better to eat humble pie in front of the patient and family than in front of the management team. Try to give them possible solutions for the things that they are saying. If she didn't have anything for anxiety is it reasonable in this situation to call for something? Did she need something for pain. Sometimes families need to see you in the room working, if you have all of your work done before they get there they feel like their family member is not being taken care of. Best of luck, I hope you figure things out.

Your team leader is wise. Too bad all supervisors do not see things this way and handle things so appropriately. It would be so nice if everyone could work in a place like this. The workday would go so much smoother for most, to include patients and patient families.

[steelcityrn, RN]

I feel your pain. You seem like a good person, nurse and member of society. You were actually taking another patient for a short walk. Its unfortunate that everything transpired at that time. Being beat up on does happen in nursing. Its the ugly part of the career. This is one example why we need a generalized nursing union, regardless of where you work, you pay your due's and have support and a pension. Like the school teachers. All I can say is admit if there was anything you could have done better, sort of learned from and go on. Its a terrible shame how much stress you have to deal with in this field. And remember, back stabbing is constant.

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

How many times do I have to tell the nurses here NOT TO CRY????????

STOP.

Hold it together.

So you're not liked.....SO WHAT?????

Did you do what you needed to do?

Good.

Did you explain PROFESSIONALLY what was going on?

Good.

So they don't like you because you're the easiest target for their anxiety. That is life in the ICU.

MOVE FORWARD. As long as you gave good care, you did what you needed to do, just know that your job is not to be liked, just respected as an individual PERSON and PROFESSIONAL.

That IS IT.

Put your big girl panties on and move forward.

You will not be liked again and again and again.

Get used to it.

[EMSnut45, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

We (educators) should always be 'safe' refuges and a trusted resource for the staff we support. Obviously this educator doesn't understand the importance of trust and has chosen to adopt a quasi-management approach instead.... it makes me very sad .

Our educator was a previous manager, who moved with her husband across the country, and took a staff nurse position in our unit. Shortly after, the educator position opened up, and she took it. I know our manager has dumped a ton of responsibilities in her lap. She seems to be more of the "clinical manager" than an educator. Our true manager does not have a clue what we do clinically, and does not dicipline-- our educator does. I have never felt that our educator is a "safe" person to go to. If I have a question and ask her, I usually will get my head bitten off. Just the other day I passed her in the hall and said "hello." She turned her head the other way and kept walking. I'm really not used to this management set-up and style of management. I've been working in healthcare for 8 years, and have never come across anything like this. They'd rather scold, brow-beat, and back-stab than foster a healthy learning and work environment. Heck... our director just had a staff meeting with us to discuss this very issue, and promised to help fix it. I haven't seen any improvement yet.

I guess I'll complete my new-grad contract and hopefully find another place to work.

[WindwardOahuRN, RN]

Welcome to the world of nursing. You will find the same thing in many workplaces, with many supervisors, coworkers, and family members. You will need to learn how to roll with the punches. As long as you don't get canned after write ups and negative evaluations, you are ahead of the game.

LOL---I was about to post just the same thing when I read the above. Welcome. This is the stuff that you probably thought would never happen to you because you are a caring good nurse. Doesn't matter---it happens to the best of us. The bedside nurse is at the bottom of the food chain, there for the rest of the world to chew up and spit out when they need a scapegoat.

Nursing is very often a totally thankless job. From administration to management to other departments to families to co-workers---it just never ends. Oh, I forgot---we get "NURSES WEEK" (or day or whatever) once a year to show how thankful they are for all that we do. That, of course, applies only to the day shift, LOL.

Sometimes it boils down to just knowing that you are doing your personal best, keeping your patients safe, and yes, rolling with the punches. Do your twelve hours to the best of your ability and go home. Don't expect any kudos and if you do get some, fine.

Life as a nurse is DEFINITELY not one of those Johnson & Johnson commercials (oh YUCK).

[inshallamiami]

1.NEVER trust anyone in administration.

2.JoPACURN, though blunt, is right.

3.A small piece of advice for the future (after you have a bit of experience): ALWAYS have what I call a "Plan B"-- a PRN or perdiem position in another hospital or with an agency. One where you just work the occasional day. The realization that you can quit (and work somewhere else immediately) if you want too helps you cope, you feel less trapped! And you can also "escape" to this other job (after giving notice) and make money while looking for a better fit.

Best of luck, and hugs, too.