hi, i am new here. i am reaching out to my fellow nurses for help and to share a devastating experience i have been through since in november 2009. i need to talk and there doesn't seem to be anyone there. i am bending you guy’s ears here asking for help. actually, it helps just to write to you all about it. please forgive the length. i read the "comment policy" and have tired to obey it. i think when you hear my story, you will see, this is something i need to….get said.
i have been an rn for 29 years. i started working in hospitals in 1973 as an orderly. in 1982 at the age of 29 i became an rn. i was so proud. in all my nursing years i have loved my patients and never had a single mark on my record. my resume is full of awards and good ,sincere references through the years. i have been very committed to my patients and excellent service. i advanced in my career and planned to work at my last job for the next eight years then retire.
one day in november 2009, a co-worker, who had been my friend for 7 years began to just shut down towards me for no reason. i asked if there was anything wrong. "no" he said. i let it go a week and asked again. he said, “you can be a little needy”. i knew what he meant. i had heard that before. i should have said, “you are right. i do worry people with my insecurity in relationships sometimes, so i will just give you some space”. that would have stopped the tension. i know because i have done that very thing and it is the best way to handle that situation. but i did not do that. instead i felt he was being a jerk. i let it go for another week, a week of him not answering my questions, of grunts and mumbles and no eye contact etc. i was getting really frustrated. so i asked him if we could do direct talk. he agreed. now knew that if you want to do direct talk and repair bad feelings, you must have a game plan going in. but i forgot that this time.(mistake). i was really feeling angry with my friend. so we went in an office for privacy (mistake). from the start he was not receptive, but he sat there. i said, “we really need to reduce the tension” .he agreed and the he said, “so whose fault do you think it is?” now here was my second chance. i could have defused it but i didn’t. instead i said, “yours”. boy, he got mad then and got up and he said, "what do you wanna do, meet after work and settle it like men”? i am pretty sure he was being facetious but i called his bluff. i said, "when? where?, today? in the park? after work?” i did not raise my voice, i was calm, i did not make threatening remarks. so then, he walked over to me and said, with restrained anger and venom, like a warning, "i will kick……” then he walked out. and to everyone in the office cubes he yelled, “he is threatening me. he wants to beat me up!”
next he was on his computer. i learned later he was emailing hr, and reporting me for threatening him and abusive behavior. also he was emailing my boss with the same story. she called me in just a minute and asked me if i asked my friend to:”meet me after work”. i said, “no, he asked me and all i did was agree.” well she suspended me right then. it felt to me like: so he complains first so they believe him i did not threaten him. i did not raise my voice. i admit, i did provoke him, but all i did was agree to his invitation. that is my side, i think is side was something really different (but i am not sure and i can say he lied. i hope he didn’t) . long story short, i was terminated. i wrote my side of the story, but it did not help. they just believed him and i was out in the cold.
i concede that i was wrong. i may have deserved to have been let go. but i wonder if this could have been handled differently by my friend. i think he just got real mad and went after me. i don’t hold a grudge, i take full responsibility for what i did.
hr told me after my last appeal, “you can work somewhere a year and get a letter from them and re-apply”. so i did that…and today i found out they would not honor that pledge. it is their right of course and i can see where they did what they thought was best for the hospital.
during this entire nightmare my boss of nine years believed me. but she could not stop hr. there were no witnesses.
my boss has written me a recommendation. she is giving me a good reference on phone evals. see nothing even remotely like this had ever happened. i was just not one to misbehave.
this has been a nightmare. i have like 20 applications out i had one call so far but it has not been long. i don’t know what hr is saying to prospective employers. the director said in an email to my boss that all they is: “the dates of employment” that may or may not be true i will not falsify an app so i have to “yes” i was let go if i am asked.. but isn’t it sad that someone can just complain and say you did something and your job, retirement, reputation in gone.
during this year that i worked a home care job for very little pay to get that letter, i herniated a disk and had surgery. so my doctor says i cant drive like that any more and that job is gone. but i did excellent for them and have a great letter.
then to top it off, all this stress was too much for my wife and she left me.i don’t want to be a cry baby. i will be ok. i will find a nursing job in this city, where i have to stay for my son. but you know it is so sad. i miss hospitals. it was my life. i gave my all in all to my patients. i loved them. i know how good a nurse i have been all these years. but right now i feel like a failure. i hope nothing like this happens to any of you. be careful.
i sum it up this way: 29 years of excellence and then a 3 minute conversation, and your life's work is over. no job, no wife, no pension, and all my saving are almost gone. look out wal-mart, got any openings?
i am sorry for writing such a long post but i needed to tell this story. i have to make the writing fun to read. kinda like a little short story. thank you if you read it. if you want, i would love to hear any feedback. good or bad. i want to be incouraged, but call me an idiot if you want. i sure feel like one. best regards.
! Hang in there, buddy! You got my support!
Then of course no one wants to hire someone over 50. Leave the date you graduated from nursing school off of your applications. Don't put on your DOB. Maybe you will get more interviews.
BabyLady, BSN, RN
2,300 Posts
..it may not be too late to get an attorney and sue for age discrimination or at minimum, wrongful termination.
It appears that they may have used the opportunity to terminate you and if it was ONLY his word against yours? Seriously...that wasn't proof enough.
The original "invitation" was made by him...so if an attorney wanted to get technical about it....he brought up physical violence first...not you.
It also sounds like he had more than a few screws loose.