Fourth in a series about the adventures of a down-on-her-luck RN faced with the eternal question: "Will I ever work as a nurse again?" and finding that sometimes, the only thing to do is look for the positive in the situation......and then drop back and punt.
Same shinola, different day: I received twin rejections between breakfast and lunch today. One was from the hospice where I'd aced two interviews, only to lose out to someone who lives closer, and the other from the local hospice where I'd really, really, REALLY wanted to work. They didn't even give me a fighting chance---I'd had a short interview with the HR director and never even got to meet the hiring manager, who rejected my application without bothering to check my references (among whom are two of her own nurses). After seven weeks of writing cover letters, sending out applications, and retooling my resume....after seven weeks of waiting, hoping, praying, e-mails, interviews, and phone calls, I'm no closer to finding a job than I was when I started.
I have officially hit bottom. I feel like the word "LOSER" is etched into my forehead. All these years I've worked hard and built a good reputation in the community......and now I've got nothing to show for it but wrinkles and a handful of unemployment-check stubs.
It's getting harder and harder to keep up with our expenses now. After all, my husband and I are surviving on only about half of the income we had from our jobs, and the numbers don't compute. I just cancelled our 30th wedding anniversary celebration that was scheduled for late next month because there's not enough money coming in to take ourselves out to dinner that night, let alone throw ourselves a second wedding and reception. We've got over $15,000 in medical bills and are being nagged to death about them, even though I keep telling the collections people that it's all we can do to afford our prescriptions now that we're without health insurance. And that little bit of light at the end of the tunnel? I thought that hospice job was it for sure, but now I fear it's only the headlight from an oncoming train.
Granted, it's not all bad. We haven't lost our home or car..........yet. None of the utilities have been shut off.......yet. We aren't starving, and we can still afford Internet access and cable; at this point, I'm grateful for just about every little blessing that keeps the wolf away from the door. But what a comedown from the past fifteen years, when we only thought things were tight financially; we'd forgotten how bad things can really be. This is waaaaay too reminiscent of our struggles as young adults, and it's going to take more energy than I feel I'm capable of generating to start over again.
I wonder about all the usual things, like what I'm going to do if, despite all my best efforts, I can't find a job after my unemployment benefits run out, and what I'm doing wrong to cause these repeated rejections. But I'm also beginning to question whether I need to think about relocating........whether I'll ever work as a nurse again........or even whether I want to. Nursing has not been particularly kind to me, as much as I've loved it; maybe all this is telling me that I need to do something else (although what that would be, I haven't the faintest idea). And if truth be told, I really don't want to work five days a week as so many jobs seem to require; four days a week is about all I can handle without getting burnt out, and three would be even better. I'm at a stage of life when work is no longer the be-all and end-all of existence---I've got a husband who recently retired and kids/grandkids I like to spend time with, I'm getting more involved with my church and developing a social life again, and I have plenty of hobbies to keep me out of trouble. Who needs to worry about work 24/7? Haven't I already spent enough of my life doing that?
So perhaps these rejections, as much as they hurt my pride, are more blessings in disguise......and perhaps it's time, as my father used to say, to drop back and punt. In other words, accept the fact that I don't know where to go from here, and let that be OK for now. Stop freaking out over things I have no control over, be open to possibilities outside my comfort zone and ready to seize any opportunities that arise. Put a smile on my face and hold my head up because I'm not a loser. And above all, I need to "let go and let God", because my way sure as hell isn't working.
Psssssst.....hey, you! You still got that ad for Truckmasters? I might need that.......
No they do not want younger nurses with the BSNs either. This is in no way meant to sell the experienced older nurses short but corporate wants SUPER nurse who's well connected/related to a high ranking nurse manager or someone who's sitting on the board of directors. Degrees of any kind don't count, experience doesn't count, taking less money doesn't count. I know a lot of nurses out of work and they run the whole gamit of degrees, ages, experience, lack of experience, etc. ( I've seen those settle for less money only to be replaced a month or two into it by some relative or friend of friend's kid who is related to so and so. Only thing that is in the game now is who knows who and who can play the dirty game of politics.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Thank you, everyone. It helps to know I'm not the only one in the universe going through something like this; on the other hand, it's discouraging because there are so many nurses going through similar experiences, and most of them are in my age bracket.
One thing is becoming clear as I document this journey and read the responses: The universe is telling me that instead of doing what I've always done, I need to stop, reassess and even reinvent myself. I mean, when you get right down to where the cheese binds, I'm not sure if I even WANT to continue in this field anymore.......I love taking care of people, I always have, but there is soooooo much politics, age and disability discrimination abounds, and working conditions are worse than ever. It's all about getting the most work possible out of a nurse, and when you reach your breaking point, they give you even more to do and then kick you to the curb when you can't DO any more.
Then there's this reality: I should have had one, if not both, of those hospice jobs in the bag, and two years ago I would have. But I've aged a lot physically in those two years, and there's no hiding that.......add to that the lousy economy, the threat of higher taxes, and a general unwillingness among employers to hire a single person more than is necessary to keep the doors open, and it makes for an extremely discouraging job hunt (to say the least).
Soooooooo.........I'm thinking of expanding my options, even considering jobs that have nothing to do with health care. As a number of you have pointed out, I'm fairly decent with the written word, and freelancing could bring in a few bucks while I'm looking for something more permanent. I was a freelancer many years ago, even had a semi-regular column in a California newspaper which unfortunately didn't pay, but gave me invaluable experience in meeting deadlines and perfecting my skills. But I never could pay the rent on the $50-100 I'd earn for an occasional piece in a larger paper or magazine, and I'm not at all confident in my ability to start a writing career all these years later, at a time when I have NO savings or assets and no way to keep food on the table other than what I know, which is, of course, nursing.
Hey, you never know.......the way things are looking now, I could be unemployed long enough to have sufficient material for a book on the experience of being unemployed during the Great Recession. :)
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I don't see how, as (officially) the problem is only my left knee and most of the pain is resolved now. I have no desire to test it, however, as my ortho said it will only get worse if I were to continue with floor nursing. But the truth is, I have a lot of osteoarthritis, and it's begun to affect even fine motor skills such as writing (of course it's worst in my dominant hand). The baby finger and thumb on my left hand hurt so much sometimes that charting is agony......then there's my back, shoulders, ankles, hips, and the other knee, all of which hurt more or less all of the time. The Voltaren helps immensely---in fact, since I've been taking it I almost feel like I'm 40 again---but it's not a drug that anyone should take for very long due to the increased risk of GI and heart problems. So I'm trying to wean myself off that stuff anyhow.
The problem is, none of this is documented in my medical record except for a generalized diagnosis of osteoarthritis. Well, duh, almost everyone over 40 has some degree of it, and when you're as overweight as I am for as long as I've been, the damage is pretty extensive even at a relatively young age.
I really don't want to go that route. It's a hard fight to get disability even when one IS disabled, and I don't consider myself as such so I'd probably fail miserably at convincing the government that I am.
Specializes in PACU, CARDIAC ICU, TRAUMA, SICU, LTC.
You have a great writing style; any nursing journal/magazine would be fortunate to have you as one of their writers.
Have you considered looking into writing for a journal?
When I worked for a nursing agency, I was assigned to a drug and alcohol Rx facility. I was responsible for admissions; I had no experience in this realm, but I gave it a shot. I ended up working there for 1.5 years through the agency. It was mentally but not physically challenging. Unfortunately, because it was a non profit facility, one by one, we (agency nurses) were released from our positions d/t the poor economy. I was the last one to go, basically because I was flexible with shift availability. I worked for a great agency; because I committed to 32 hours/week, I had medical insurance and two weeks vacation. The hourly rate was more than acceptable. Throughout my time there, I had only three shifts canceled. It was a great learning experience! You have nothing to lose by investigating this possibility.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I am so sorry. There is no justice in things like this happening to people like you. THat nurses are considered expendable like toilet paper or used syringes is so disheartening. Maybe nursing is in the past for you; maybe it is time to look other directions. What truly interests you, makes you feel alive and joyful (I know your family, but I mean more like work-related or hobbies). You should really soul search and let your heart guide you. My cousin years ago quit nursing to do home daycare for preschoolers and never regretted it. She is well into her 50s and still doing it, even though her kids are all grown and she is a grandma now. She never runs out of clients and work and has earned plenty.
Think about your passions and how to market them. I will keep praying for you. I am so sorry.....you deserve so much better. WE ALL DO.
as others have pointed out, your writing skills are exceptional. i'd like to add to scoochy's suggestion re: getting published.
unfortunately, i don't think many nursing publications would be willing to take you on because you're exposing what i consider to be a dirty little secret within our profession. (typical dysfunctional system - don't dare tell the truth about what goes on!) but what about local newspapers, particularly alternative ones? do any local papers or tv stations have investigative reporters? write a book; i know that there have been "a day in the life" type books written by nurses, so somebody out there has an interest. maybe pitch a collection of essays written by nurses. hell, take a shot at oprah.
i know that most people in my life outside of nursing are shocked to learn the reality of this exalted, caring (except for one another a lot of the time) profession. there must be someone out there with the ability to expose this travesty that would be willing to do so.
on an entirely different note, i think that your insight that this might be about something entirely beyond its surface appearance is awesome. just take the next right indicated action and leave the results up to whatever higher power you believe in. you will be taken care of.
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
No they do not want younger nurses with the BSNs either. This is in no way meant to sell the experienced older nurses short but corporate wants SUPER nurse who's well connected/related to a high ranking nurse manager or someone who's sitting on the board of directors. Degrees of any kind don't count, experience doesn't count, taking less money doesn't count. I know a lot of nurses out of work and they run the whole gamit of degrees, ages, experience, lack of experience, etc. ( I've seen those settle for less money only to be replaced a month or two into it by some relative or friend of friend's kid who is related to so and so. Only thing that is in the game now is who knows who and who can play the dirty game of politics.
Have you thought about home health? Have met many nurses who work extended care cases in home health who stick with the little babies that don't weigh much. This would provide employment that is not too stressful. If you work night shift you pretty much just watch over the baby while they sleep and perhaps change their diaper as often as the parents want you to. Add to that the assessment you do at the beginning of the shift and the nurses note you write and you've done a shift. Money isn't tremendous but it is a job. Check out the local agencies to see what they have available.
( I've seen those settle for less money only to be replaced a month or two into it by some relative or friend of friend's kid who is related to so and so. Only thing that is in the game now is who knows who and who can play the dirty game of politics.
raggyrehabRN
9 Posts
Good luck.